Neil McKinlay Meditation

01/25/2026

The Van Winkle Diaries
Waking Up After Years In A Cult
by Neil W McKinlay

I have been quietly writing on Substack this last little while. What has emerged from these efforts is a series of reflections and rememberings about existing in and recovering from a spiritual community whose inner circle operated in a cult-like manner.

A link to my most recent post can be found in the comments. If you wander around, you’ll see a fair number of other pieces have already been shared.

Should you decide to take a look, I hope you find something resonant and affirming.

01/19/2026

Missing Person

Someone who once belonged to our online meditation community reached out over the weekend to let me know her adult daughter was missing.

Kerem Yadin has not been heard from since early December 2025. Her last verified location was Seattle, Washington. According to her family, there are now some indications she is in Canada.

If you have seen Kerem or have any relevant information, please use the contacts listed here.

Feel free to share this post.

01/14/2026

A Two-Way Street
Wednesday Night Meditation Class
(www.NeilMcKinlay.com)

It’s easy to think of meditation as a one-way street. I do this myself. Unfortunately, I often reinforce this impression when teaching.

“Let’s slow down,” I say at the beginning of a practice session. “Slow down and let your attention surrender to the absorptive draw of somatic mindfulness. Then let somatic mindfulness guide you into this embodied moment, help you settle into the fullness of this embodied instant.”

This is the basic instruction I offer over and over and over again. I share it in classes and workshops. To beginners and more experienced practitioners. Online and in-person. Slow down, surrender, and settle.

Without qualification or correction, this is also the one-way street mentioned above. Travel down Meditation Avenue. Cross Slow Down Lane and Surrender Crescent. Keep going until you find your way to Settle Boulevard.

Someone in an introductory class once took this impression to it’s logical conclusion. Raising a tentative hand she said, “So I guess at one point you get to a place where you’ve mastered this. Where you just settle and that’s that.”

Only meditation really doesn’t work this way.

In spite of the countless number of downward arrows I sketch out on whiteboards both real and virtual, the meditative journey is more accurately depicted by a long series of alternating pointers. There’s one down, then one up - and over again for as long as we practice.

Put another way, meditation is a constant alternation between settling and unsettling. We slow down, surrender, and, yes, we do settle - at least to some extent. Wait another minute or two, however, and that relatively restful attention will rise up and begin wandering again. This is simply what mind does.

At which point, we return to those three handy instructions: slow down, surrender, and settle. Until we’re not so settled anymore. Then we slow down, surrender, and settled again. Until we’re not so settled anymore. Then we…

Well, I’m sure all of us know the drill. Despite the assumption so many of us slip into - despite the assumption I slip into - I’m sure all of us know meditation is actually a two-way street.

01/05/2026

12/31/2025

The Van Winkle Diaries�
Waking Up After Years In A Cult
�by Neil W McKinlay�

I have been quietly writing on Substack this last little while. What has emerged from these efforts is a series of reflections and rememberings about existing in and recovering from a spiritual community whose inner circle operated in a cult-like manner.

A link to my most recent post can be found in the comments. If you wander around, you’ll see a fair number of other pieces have already been shared.

Should you decide to take a look, I hope you find something resonant and affirming.

12/15/2025

The Van Winkle Diaries
Waking Up After Years In A Cult
by Neil W McKinlay

I have been quietly writing on Substack this last while. Exploring some questions. Following an inspiration or two.

What has emerged from this is a running series of reflections and insights, rememberings and experiences about existing in and recovering from a spiritual community whose inner circle operated in a cult-like manner.

A link to my latest post can be found in the comments. Should you decide to take a look, I hope you find something resonant and affirming.

12/12/2025

Like Any Other
The Online Gatherings
(www.NeilMcKinlay.com)

Minus my own features, the screen before me was empty. It was 10:38 am PT on Thursday December 11, 2025. The absence of other faces in the Zoom meeting I had opened ten minutes earlier suggested no one else was coming today.

This happens from time to time. On rare occasions, I show up for one of our regular Online Gatherings and find only my eyes, my nose, my mouth flickering in front of me. Pretty much every time, I consider signing off. ‘No one else is here,’ I think - and then catch myself.

The notion no one else is here is mistaken. Certainly no one else is here that I can see or hear in this moment. There are no other faces smiling back at me ‘Brady Bunch-style’. No one is texting or emailing, phoning or messaging to share the fact they are running late and will be there in a minute. But this does not mean no one else is here.

On Thursday, as 10:38 became 10:41 then 10:46, I noticed thoughts of those who had gathered Tuesday coming to mind. Then images of few folks from the past couple Saturday mornings. Then memories of some community members I haven’t see for a while, but know are still out there.

On Thursday, in other words, I witnessed a different kind of community gathering. Realizing this, I reversed my thinking of a few moments earlier - that notion ‘No one else is here’ - and welcomed all who had come together on this day.

I welcomed, as I always do, then settled into a bit of practice with everyone. A twenty or twenty-five minute meditation period with a community of beings for whom I hold much gratitude. A practice session in the Online Gatherings that, in many respects, was just like any other Thursday morning.

12/02/2025

The Van Winkle Diaries
Waking Up After Years In A Cult
by Neil W McKinlay

I have been quietly writing on Substack this last little while. Typing away. Exploring some questions. Following an inspiration or two.

What has emerged from these efforts is a running series of reflections and insights, rememberings and experiences about existing in and recovering from a spiritual community whose inner circle operated in a cult-like manner.

When I started this undertaking, I was not certain when or even if I would share these writings. Recently, however, it has become clear the time is now.

So here is my ongoing recovery journal: The Van Winkle Diaries. A link to my first post can be found in the comments. If you wander around, you’ll see a fair number of pieces have already been shared. I’ll try to link here each time a new entry is shared.

Should you decide to take a look, I hope you find something resonant and affirming. I hope, as always, this will be of benefit.

11/28/2025

Inclusive, Alive, And AI
The Online Gatherings
(www.NeilMcKinlay.com)

A recent Online Gathering generated a short discussion about Artificial Intelligence (AI). Like so many platforms, Zoom has introduced an ‘AI Companion’ to it’s smorgasbord of features. When someone noted this seems to have been turned on for us, it was promptly turned off, and we continued.

Once this Gathering concluded, however, I got curious. Zoom has long shared transcripts of our recordings with me. Interrupted by timestamps every few seconds, these have not proven very useful in the past. In the wake of our conversation, I wondered if AI (this time Microsoft Word’s version) might be able to make something of such documents.

So I asked for a summary of that day’s transcript and found myself pleasantly surprised by freshness with which our communal journey was articulated. Feeling some small measure of inspiration at this unexpected development, I’ve decided to share what I was given with all of you.

Here then, with some human editing, is that synopsis:

“This Gathering integrates concepts from the Heart Sutra, the interplay of form and space in meditation, the inclusion of others in our practice, and the cultivation of compassion.

The session begins with welcoming and settling in. We are invited to slow down and bring attention inward. Placing the left hand on the heart centre, we gather all parts of ourselves, including histories, moods, temperaments. Then the right hand is brought to the left acknowledging others present in our experience - be they seen or unseen, known or unknown, and so on. This lays the foundation for a meditation practice that embraces relationality and connection beyond the individual self.

A chant is then recited: "Embodied experience / inclusive and alive / I rest in this perfection / with curiosity and appreciation." These four lines encapsulate the core themes of the session, highlighting the importance of embodied presence, inclusiveness, and aliveness in meditation.

The main talk discusses meditation as a mixture of form and space, where ‘form’ refers to a tangible anchor such as the breath or body sensations, and ‘space’ refers to the spaciousness or openness of awareness.

This spaciousness is described as alive and vibrant, inhabited by energetic connections and relationships with others, transcending the notion of isolated individual experience.This inclusiveness broadens meditation from a solitary practice to one that acknowledges and embraces relational dynamics, enriching our practice with a sense of community and relational depth.

After a short guided meditation, the Gathering concludes with a return to the heart centre, acknowledging our connections with others who have appeared through the past hour. A final chant affirms the gift of life, welcoming it fully and sharing what is given with all, reinforcing the themes of inclusiveness, aliveness, and generosity.

As a whole, this Gathering offers a nuanced exploration of meditation as an embodied, relational practice that integrates traditional Buddhist teachings with contemporary insights into connection and community. It guides participants through recognizing and embracing the presence of others within meditation, fostering compassion and a sense of belonging that enriches both practice and daily life.”

10/26/2025

More Than A Whiteboard
Wednesday Night Meditation Class
(www.NeilMcKinlay.com)

I imagine it looks like any old whiteboard to most observers. A busy whiteboard from one perspective. A messy board from another. But a whiteboard, nonetheless.

We have been exploring embodiment these past couple months. Returning after a summer away from regular meditation classes, a small group of us at Oak Bay’s Monterey Centre have been going back to basics. We’ve been revisiting the simple, but layered, experience of being in this body. We have been revisiting what is sometimes identified as the ground, path, and fruition of our journey.

The meditative tradition describes this layering through the beautiful and insightful language of the three kayas. When we slow down, this teaching affirms - when we slow down and surrender to the absorptive pull of somatic mindfulness - we settle into the nirmanakaya, or body of form, the sambhogakaya, or body of energy, and the dharmakaya, or body of space. Together, these three comprise a complete sense of human embodiment.

As much as I love and appreciate this way of describing experience, these terms have not always been accessible to me. Minus a fair amount of practice and study, I could not have understood what the kayas were pointing toward. Minus this training, I could not have found much conscious connection with what they were pointing toward. And I know I’m not alone in this regard.

In order to open up this terminology for us, both in-person Monterey classes and the virtual Online Gatherings have been considering other ways of describing the nuanced layering of human embodiment. Without getting rid of the kayas, we have been looking for alternate languages we might use. Other ways of speaking and ways of describing that are more immediately accessible, but no less potent and communicative.

Through an ongoing series of questions and insights, conversations and interactions, one of these languages has seen us speak of the apparently bounded personal body (the nirmanakaya), the subtle body of connection and relatedness (the sambhogakaya), and the layer of embodiment that is inclusive of all time and space (the dharmakaya).

We have also seen the metaphor of a tree arise among us. This describes the fullness of embodiment in terms of the trunk of being, the roots of being, and the earth and sky of being. These three provide very tangible descriptions of the nirmankaya, sambhoghakaya, and dharmakaya, respectively.

During last night’s class, we allowed ourselves an additional opportunity to make the kayas more accessible. “What is your experience of the trunk and roots and earth and sky?” I asked. After a moment’s hesitation, those in attendance started sharing. Writing what I heard on the whiteboard, I had a hard time keeping up.

‘Structure’, ‘the lines and circles/rings of a tree’, ‘centered’, ‘posture’, and ‘presence’ were a few of the descriptions the nirmanakaya elicited. ‘Relations’. ‘extending awareness’, and ‘fine tuning the radio’ were some of the ways the sambhogakaya was articulated. The dharmakaya was sketched out with such words and phrases as ‘out there’, ‘greater reality’, ‘my place in the universe’, and ‘possibility’.

After only a few minutes, the whiteboard neared full. After thirty-five minutes more, our weekly practice session was complete. In the loose exchanges that took place as we put away props and slipped on our jackets and shoes, several of us observed how this short exercise had opened something fresh, had allowed us to connect and settle in some sort of deeper way.

So yes, I imagine it looks like any old whiteboard to most observers. A busy whiteboard from one perspective. A messy board from another. But a whiteboard, nonetheless.

What I see when I take this in, however, is something more - something much more.

When I look at that rectangular surface with all its squiggles and lines, however, I see a healing and joyful affirmation of the importance of community, of sangha, in our practice journey. I also see a healing and joyful affirmation of basic brilliance - the innate sense of clarity and knowing that is alive in well in each and every one of us.

10/16/2025

The Role Of Imagining
Wednesday Night Meditation Class
(NeilMcKinlay.com)

When we settle into this embodied moment, our relationship with the basic brilliance in each of us - basic brilliance and all it's helpful qualities - becomes more immediate, more direct, and more transparent.

In order to settle into this moment as fully as possible, we have been using a metaphor while meditating. We have been describing the three-layer view of human embodiment articulated in the tradition (the nirmanakaya or personal body, the sambhoghakaya or relational body, and the dharmakaya or body of all time and space) as a tree.

In this metaphor, we slow down and surrender to the absorptive pull of somatic mindfulness. With this as our guide, we settle into the trunk of our being, the roots of our being, and the earth and sky of our being, respectively. Doing so, allows us to touch the richness and depth of human embodiment.

In this week's class at Oak Bay's Monterey Centre, we were encouraged to enlist our imaginative capacities whilst meditating. We were encouraged to imagine the trunkness of the apparently bounded personal body, the rootness of the energetic body of connection and relatedness, and the earth-and-skyness of the layer of being that is inclusive of all time and space.

Admittedly, this might seem a strange way to practice: by, in a broad sense, thinking. But our imaginative capacities have long played a role in meditation. The Tibetan buddhist artwork many of us have encountered - figures from the buddhist world, that are also known as thankas - are often used as practice tools through which meditators familiarize with a particular figure, imagine them as fully as possible, and, in so doing, begin to connect with some of the qualities they bring into the world.

We're doing the exact same on Wednesday night: imagining trunk and root, earth and sky in order to connect with some of the qualities these layers of our embodied lives bring into the world. Qualities, it seems important to remind al of us, that are described under the umbrella term basic brilliance.