West Coast Wellness Journal

11/15/2025

Most of us have realized from our own experiences that Reactive Abuse is when a toxic and unhealed person pushes you until you snap, then blames you for your toxic behavior but never wants to discuss the abuse that triggered it.

It’s a subtle, insidious form of manipulation designed to shift blame and maintain control. The unhealed person will provoke you repeatedly—through criticism, gaslighting, silent treatment, or emotional withholding—carefully chipping away at your patience, your confidence, and your sense of self-worth.

They push boundaries, test your limits, and create situations where you are almost guaranteed to react.

When you finally respond—angrily, tearfully, or even defensively—they immediately turn the tables. Suddenly, your natural, human reaction becomes “evidence” of your supposed toxicity, while their deliberate actions are ignored or minimized. They refuse to acknowledge their role in the conflict, deny any wrongdoing, and may even involve others to make you look unreasonable or unstable. Over time, this cycle leaves you doubting your own instincts, questioning your reactions, and feeling isolated from friends and family who may believe the unhealed individuals version of events.

Reactive abuse is more than just a moment of anger—it’s a carefully orchestrated trap.

Its purpose is to keep you off balance, constantly second-guessing yourself, and increasingly dependent on the toxic persons approval, all while they avoid accountability entirely.

It’s a psychological minefield designed to keep you trapped, shamed, and manipulated, often leaving deep emotional scars long after the encounters have ended.

Education is knowledge to make informed decisions when or if this attack occurs again, and yes it is highly likely to.

11/10/2025

11/10/2025

Educating oneself and becoming aware is your superpower, however when the toxic person or people learn of your superpower they may become very defensive and deflective telling anyone in their path that you putting up boundaries was an injustice to them.

They may attempt to manipulate you and bate you into a negative mindset so you respond as they hope which puts them in the victim status to others.

Put up boundaries by requesting a break so to recover mentally and emotionally and give time for reflection.

If over time the individual who you placed clear boundaries hasn’t shown any signs of understanding and attempts to continue the toxic behaviour then it maybe time to put up stronger boundaries. In doing this you will demonstrate to younger generations how to take care of yourself with a covetous and toxic individual.

09/07/2025

What is Toxic positivity?
It is a defense mechanism that causes people to bypass painful feelings and mask them under the guise of a positive mindset. It’s a tactic to avoid discomfort, sweeping real emotions under the rug, so you and others can be protected from sadness, anger, disappointment, or vulnerability.

Toxic positivity is dangerous because it causes us to repress our emotions, which can cause depression and even illnesses. It shames us for having a common human experience, and it keeps us from having true genuine connections with others because we avoid authenticity. Common signs for someone who is experiencing it are: feeling guilty for being sad or angry, dismissing difficult feelings, ignoring problems, or feeling pressured to “stay positive” during hard situations.

08/14/2023

From an anonymous source:
I was having a lovely conversation with a respected and caring family member recently and we started talking about trauma based counseling and how triggering it can be, but also very eye opening too!
For instance my therapist asked me for one of my first traumatic memories and she gave me a week to mull this over. My next appointment we talked about it. The discovery was a real eye opener as the floodgates of memories opened up.

Memory…

I was about 3.5 years old and my sister was about 2 years old. It was winter time as it was freezing and it was snowing out. My dad had a hard time paying utility bills and we were without central heat and electricity at that time. My sister and I were sitting on the edge of the fireplace shivering. So, my mom threw a blanket at me and said use this to keep warm. I tried to wrap it around us but it was a baby blanket and really small, so we started to tug at the blanket in an attempt to keep warm, not a great choice to make as an older sibling but I knew no other choice from the toxic example our parents gave us! It was all learned behaviour! Two small children who were cold and hungry started tugging back and fourth until I lost the grip and my sister fell backwards and banged her head. I regret that moment to this very day!! She must of bumped her head because I recall blood and her getting rushed to the hospital. The doctor diagnosed her with concussion and bandaged her up, but before we could return home I overheard my mom telling the doctor and nurses that I purposely hurt her! I can’t stress this enough that I didn’t hurt my sister on purpose but for some reason my mother over the years continued to blame me for accidents toward my sister that I most definitely was not responsible for!

After a certain age I started not caring what anyone in my immediate family blamed me for or thought of me and I began lashing out at 12 years old. It was obvious to some of our aunts and uncles that our parents would make me responsible for disciplinary actions and punishment towards my siblings by age 10. In other words when one of my siblings would take a cookie or treat from my moms closet my parents would give me a switch or belt and force me to go into a bedroom with my siblings to discipline my siblings and find out who took food ( fyi, we were starving).

The first time I didn’t s***k any of my siblings because it was weird, but later my parents were so hard on us, as she said I wasn’t being the responsible one! My parents told me that they would be even harder on them and me if I didn’t do the s***king myself!! When I explained to our parents I didn’t want to s***k my siblings my dad took his belt off and s***ked me for him to set an example. So, the next moment I found myself s***king one of my sisters, I did, I reluctantly s***ked my sister, until one day when I decided to pretend to s***k them by hitting the bed and telling them to cry and yell. It was so heartbreaking! I hit the bed with the switch and asked my siblings to cry out so our parents would believe it happened and by doing this the beatings from our parents were much less after.

My parents had 4 kids in 4 years, we lived in constant fear and poverty. Now, I do not hate my parents as they too were living through their own history of unresolved trauma, even though they deeply traumatized 4 kids and put a wedge between myself and my 3 siblings I understand and do not hate them.

Many other childhood traumatic memories have surfaced since then, and it’s taken many years of trauma based counseling to get to my holistic self and the successful path I’m on today.

In my 14th year, close to 15 actually I grabbed a bag, filled it with a change of clothes and hitched a ride to the coast from the North of BC with a friend of mine to live my own path.
Healing and self love took several decades to surface, it was a roller coaster ride and I deeply apologize to those loved ones I unconsciously hurt along the way!

Well… over 60 years later and my heart is finally healed.

In conclusion…
No one knows what the truth is in situations like these by just listening to one person’s version. So, if you hear a story like this about little kids trying to survive in a feral environment. Remember, they were just children needing safety, love, nourishment, shelter and healthy adults to guide them through the man made chaos that was created by multiple generational trauma!

Send a message to learn more

03/18/2021

One of my multimedia pieces completed a few months ago and one of my favourites ( Last Call To The Rookery) .

03/12/2021

Springtime is waking up!!

03/08/2021

01/25/2021