12/31/2025
Apparently…I’ve been called out.
Today I asked for suggestions for my next newsletter and a very nice guy asked why there aren’t more posts and blogs about men who are grieving a spouse, a child, or another deep loss. And that question stopped me in my tracks, because he was absolutely right.
For a long time, the numbers on my page told a very specific story. Up until this year, about 96% of my followers were women who had lost a spouse or a child. So a lot of my writing naturally leans into their experiences, their voices, their hearts. Not because men don’t grieve, (I mean…please…who knows that better than me) but because so few were actually here reading along.
But something really cool has been happening lately.
More men have been quietly slipping into this space. The number of widowers, grieving dads, brothers, sons, and male friends following this page has grown in a really noticeable way. They may not always comment, but they’re here, reading in the background, carrying very heavy stories.
So this one is for them.
For the widower who goes to bed in a house that’s too quiet and wakes up wondering how on earth this is his life now.
For the grieving dad who feels like he has to be ‘the strong one’ for everyone else, even when his own heart is shattered.
For the son who’s lost a parent and is hurting.
For the brother who lost a sibling and doesn’t quite know where he fits in the family story anymore.
For every man who has ever sat in his car in the driveway a little too long, just trying to pull himself together before walking inside.
You’re seen here. You’re allowed to hurt here. You’re allowed to miss them so much it aches. You’re allowed to not have the words.
And yes, you’re absolutely allowed to be a man and be devastated.
One of the reasons there haven’t been more men on grief pages like this is because so many were taught the same unhelpful messages: “Be strong.” “Don’t cry.” “Take care of everyone else.” “Keep busy and you’ll be fine.”
Somewhere along the way, grief got labeled as ‘a women’s thing’ and men were handed a tool-belt with only two tools: silence and distraction. Not exactly a great kit for a broken heart.
So to the men here:
• You don’t have to be the ‘rock’ all the time. Even rocks crack.
• You don’t have to have a polished, poetic way to talk about your grief. Grief understands mumbling, half-sentences, and long pauses.
• You’re not weak for missing them. You’re human.
And to my incredible female followers (who have carried this page from the beginning):
• If you have a widower friend, a grieving dad, a brother, or a son who’s hurting, gently invite them into spaces like this.
• Let them know that reading quietly is okay. They don’t have to share their soul in the comments on day one.
And to all you guys that have been following me, thank you for trusting this space with your heart. There will be more posts for you, about you, with you in mind. Your grief matters every bit as much as anyone else’s. And your presence here is not only welcome; it’s needed.
So here’s your official notice: men grieve too…and around here, we’re not going to forget that anymore.
Gary Sturgis - Surviving Grief
