19/01/2026
2025 or 2026… both are terrifying.
This has been me over the past year.
I haven’t truly made Berlin my home. After the diagnosis of inoperable pancreatic cancer, I lost the definition of an “official home.” Berlin–Gdynia–Berlin became my main route for more than a year — journeys filled with mental breakdowns, fake ups, different layers of anxiety, conscious fears, and confusion. I don’t know where I belong.
The last year fell apart like dominoes, one by one: the situation with my mom, quitting a corporate job again, financial struggles, having no home for the next seven months, dealing with my teenage daughter’s rebellious phase, and trying to hold myself together through it all.
For the first time in six years, I haven’t given a single private session (except a few for friends). I haven’t held workshops or events the way I used to. Going through traumatic experiences and life events, and at the same time losing my main resource as a sound therapist, felt like losing a true connection to myself.
2025 felt like a waterfall — everything falling apart at once.
Through this collapse, I learned to observe and understand my body with more attention than ever before. I ask myself what lessons I am meant to learn from each situation. I began receiving answers to questions that had remained unanswered for most of my life. This became the first step toward digging into all of it.
I’m taking this moment to say ‚Hello’.
I’ve slowly brought my focus back to studying. And I want to share that somehow, in this f*cked-up time, I found the courage to enroll in a two-year Ausbildung as a systemic trauma therapist.
I think it’s just on time:)
With love,
Marta