06/09/2025
I’ve been becoming increasingly aware of the frames we live in — the cultural, societal, and patriarchal norms that quietly shape our ideas of how life “should” be. Things like needing a romantic relationship, following certain timelines, or fitting into expected (gender) roles.
For a long time, I let parts of my life be pulled into other people’s frames. I thought I needed to act, feel, or show up in ways that weren’t mine — because that’s what they, or society, expected. I didn’t even know they weren’t mine. I had no role models (and still don’t really in regards to being mother AND being creative/erotic/free). Breaking out of those invisible rules has been hard. It took patience, self-reflection, and a lot of gentle -and hard- rebellion. It took (and takes) exposing myself to judgment, including my own.
I live in Berlin, Germany. At times I reject the prevalent culture completely. However, I consistently return to an understanding that freedom isn’t about rejecting the world around me. It’s about noticing the frame, seeing where I’ve been unconsciously pulled into it, and consciously choosing my own path, as much as that is possible (sometimes it’s simply not).
F.ex., I don’t need a romantic relationship (to a man) to feel whole. I can honestly say that I don’t think that I want that, right now. I adore my autonomy and my lovers. I don’t need to measure my life by timelines that don’t resonate with me. And slowly, I’m learning how to live authentically inside the world, without letting it define me.
Just a thought for anyone who feels the weight of what “should” be.
