Licensed Psychologist - Mirjam Solomon

11/10/2022

Teaching Finns Some Table Manners

Why does it drive me crazy when I see my American partner holding the fork “incorrectly”? I was brought up in a Finnish household where there was a lot of emphasis on “good table manners” – the fork on the left, the knife on the right... What first felt like my partner having “bad table manners” - holding the fork in the right hand, barely using the knife, using fingers for eating(!) - eventually turned into a realization that there must be cultural differences behind all of this. In his cultural context, this way of eating is the norm and table manners in general are not a measure of a civil education. But why does this cultural difference evoke a strong and unwanted negative feeling in me? This difference doesn’t mean that his culture is any worse than mine. Why are we sometimes so eager to criticize cultures and customs foreign to us?

Instead of trying to find answers to this question here, I would like to take this opportunity to switch the point-of-view! Why are people not showing more admiration for customs that could be seen as positive examples? As a psychologist I have several examples in mind which I think Finns could learn and benefit from – things that would support our mental wellbeing:

COMMUNITY LIFE: I admire cultures that have a strong sense of belonging to a community instead of relying so heavily on oneself as an individual. I think that, in Finland, this communal aspect is not very strong and instead there’s an emphasis on self-sufficiency and relying on the government for help, which can leave people feeling lonely and not cared for. Belonging to a community of people can provide a strong sense of both emotional and physical support which is needed in many areas of life.

LESS EMPHASIS ON ALCOHOL: Finland is a nation that suffers immensely from heavy alcohol consumption. Alcoholism is constantly causing trauma, endangering families, and depriving children of safe living conditions. How can it be that I’ve never heard anybody giving public compliments and words of admiration to cultures that have managed to dodge this bullet? I’m going to say it here: All of you for whom heavy drinking is not a cultural norm, you have set a healthy example for us Finns. Thank you so much for showing us this more healthy and safe way of living!

HOSPITALITY: There are even jokes about how stingy Finns are when welcoming guests. People barely serve anything (maybe a cup of coffee) when they have people visiting their homes. When Finns meet friends at a restaurant, they are very precise in splitting the bill, making sure that everybody pays their share. What I’ve noticed is that there are many cultures in which welcoming and hosting guests is handled with such warmth and hospitality that Finns pale in comparison.

APPRECIATION FOR THE ELDERLY AND THE YOUNG: In many cultures the elderly are highly appreciated, treated with warmth and dignity. And the same goes for young children and babies. People show signs of affection and express a sense of welcome that is not common in Finland.

Feel free to share your thoughts, and of course, any cultural examples that Finns could learn from or, inversely, that other cultures could learn from us Finns! 😊

14/06/2022

Find the link in the comments!

https://www.facebook.com/101188618520921/posts/424059142900532/

Episode 15 is live!

On today’s episode I’m chatting with Mirjam Solomon.

Mirjam is a psychologist who has spent the last 6 years working in Terapeuttinen vauvaperhetyö which is a public service provided by the city municipality.

In this episode you’ll find out more about the types of services you can get from perheneuvola so that you will be able to know and ask for them from your neuvola nurse who can give you the referral.

Mirjam specializes in psychological therapy that helps build a stronger bond between the parents and baby in pregnancy as well as after. She will share her knowledge of the perheneuvola system as well as some tips on how you can create a stronger bond with your baby.

She also gives us her unique viewpoint into the cultural differences she has witnessed, through meeting culturally diverse people, when it comes to postpartum traditions.

Mirjam also has her own private practice where she welcomes foreigners and expats for a wide range of psychological therapy in English.

Let’s meet Mirjam.

Danielle

31/05/2022

https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2022/05/29/alternative-therapies-mental-health/

The shortage of specialists is driving many to try alternatives. What the science says about their effectiveness.

26/05/2022

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/may/25/therapy-v-medication-how-to-choose-the-best-treatment-for-anxiety

Medication is often prescribed as a quick-fix but therapy can be more helpful in the long-run, if accessible. Here’s how to work out what is best for you

18/05/2022

How to Make an International Relationship Work — A Guide for Couples

https://psykologisolomon.com

1. Meet half-way. Both of you need to accommodate and learn new things (language, culture, lifestyle), not only the spouse who relocated

2. Prioritize making trips (together) to visit family members abroad on vacation times. This is more important than other vacation plans

3. Be open-minded and curious about one another’s cultural backgrounds and learn from one-another. This will also give you a unique opportunity of reflecting on your own cultural background — it’s strengths and weaknesses

4. The spouse who hasn’t had to relocate has the bigger responsibility on supporting the spouse who has, both emotionally and materially, especially in the beginning. However, try to find a balance of respectful equality. Both of you need to feel competent and accepted members of the society!

5. Accept the reality of extra challenges that non-international couples don’t have to deal with

6. Try to find a nice community that supports your adjustment to a new country (other expats, cultural/religious communities etc.). If suitable, join these community activities together

7. Stay connected with your friends and family back home but also make the effort of finding new friends

8. Hold on to cultural and family traditions from both of your countries: food, music, holidays etc.

9. If possible, allow for a “time-out” for the spouse who has relocated to spend some time in their home country if things get difficult

10. Having kids can activate a new, stronger need to connect with one’s past and cultural traditions. Be respectful of accommodating these needs to your family life. It’s good for your children too to get the cultural heritage from both of you!

11. Be patient! Adjusting to a new culture and family situation takes time! Often many years. Allow for a dip in your mood after the “honeymoon period”

12. Relationship problems can feel even harder in a multilingual context. Communicating your emotional needs in a language that’s not yours can be difficult. Though it’s difficult in the heat of the moment, try your best to remember that a language barrier can needlessly turn small disagreements into larger ones

13. If things are not working out and it feels overwhelmingly difficult, look into the option of relocating together to the other spouse’s home country for a change

14. Ask for help from a mental health professional specialized in international families if you feel the need to talk to someone about your situation. One option is to do this together as a couple

15. Be proud of your international family! What an amazing experience for you, your spouse and your children! All of you will have the advantage of understanding and appreciating cultural realities outside of your original comfort zone. People like you are needed in this world to build bridges and understanding between cultures!

Hello, and welcome to the website for my English-language counseling practice. I am a licensed Finnish psychologist living in an international and bilingual family. I have practiced English-speaking counseling in Finland for over five years.

13/05/2022

The Gift

The transition from youth to adulthood and starting an independent life can be a rocky road. You might feel at the same time excited and confident but deep down also insecure and confused. There are so many important decisions to be made: Which career path to aim for? How to find one’s identity? How to feel secure and happy with friends and relationships? When to start a family? Sometimes it gets overwhelming: It’s not uncommon for a young person to have feelings of depression or anxiety. Especially now in the rapidly changing post-COVID world, young people are facing challenges that the previous generation did not have to deal with.

My own journey was such that my parents always told me that if at any point in life I feel like I need to talk to someone and start therapy, they would be more than happy to provide the means for that. I’m forever grateful for that. I am positive that this has been one of the most valuable gifts I ever received from them. In my 20s therapy was an amazing support and investment in my overall wellbeing and inner growth and it gave me self-understanding, self-confidence and maturity which I will be able to make use of for the rest of my life. Therapy helped me figure out what I want to pursue in life and gave me the strength to accomplish things that were important and good for me.

Some of you might be wondering what it means for a mental health professional to have gone through therapy themselves. Well, in fact, in order to be able to provide high quality therapy, it is required to have gone through therapy yourself.

12/05/2022

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022/may/12/performing-arts-depression-equity-covid-job-insecurity

Performing arts practitioners’ union says Covid exacerbated contributory factors such as job insecurity and low pay

10/05/2022

The Finnish Obsession(?) with the Outdoors

Finns have a special relationship with nature and the outdoors. Nature and the forest are seen as sacred places providing positive energy, health and safety. Regardless of the weather and the season, it is considered a basic human right and even a duty to spend time outdoors. The custom is to make sure that children are taken outside to play at least twice a day. That’s why every kid in Finland has an overall, rain gear, rubber boots etc.

Don’t get me wrong. I think this is a very positive feature of the Finnish culture. At the same time, spending time outdoors has such a high status in the Finnish culture that it feels as if it can’t be questioned. I would like to question it here, at least a little bit.

Spending time outdoors is not always a pleasant experience. It’s cold, wet and dark for most of the year! Getting sand and mud everywhere in your home and car – not so nice. Wearing warm and functional clothing when you’d instead like to wear something pretty – not so nice. As a psychologist, I know that everybody has their unique way of experiencing sensations. For some of us wind, rain, dirt and cold cause uncomfortable sensations regardless of what you’re wearing.

So, if the outdoors is not your thing, don’t worry! There are many cultures in the world where there’s way less of an emphasis on spending time outside, and people living in those cultures are just fine!

I’m thankful that the Finnish schools and daycares are making sure that my kids get to roam about when I’m not so eager to go out myself. In the meantime, I’ll see you at the indoor playground!

08/05/2022

International Divorce

Any divorce, let alone an international one, can be a difficult and even traumatic experience. When you start a relationship, you rarely think about the possibility of a break-up. In an international relationship, usually at least one of the spouses is living outside of their home country. At first, moving abroad might have felt like an exciting experience: you start a family full of hope that things will go well. However, sometimes things don’t go as smoothly as one had hoped. When relationship problems start to occur, you might start missing your home country.

In an international divorce there are many complicating factors, especially if there are children in the family. You might realize that going back home is not possible because your children might not be able to move with you if the other parent is not willing to relocate. Or you might be worried that the other parent in fact wants to move abroad and take the kids with them. Even the sheer thought of a possible divorce in a situation like this can be terrifying!

There are various legal and mediation services available in case you can’t reach a divorce and custody agreement, but usually, they are not meant to serve as emotional support for the divorcing person. Also, you might be worried that these services are in the favor of the non-foreign parent.

If you are worried about your own emotional wellbeing in an international relationship don’t hesitate to contact me and ask for support from an internationally-minded psychologist.

28/04/2022

Hello, and welcome to the page for my English-language counseling practice. I am a licensed Finnish psychologist living in an international and bilingual family. I have practiced English-speaking counseling in Finland for over five years.

After working in the Finnish public sector for almost 10 years, I started this service because I felt there was an acute need for English-speaking therapeutic services in Finland and not enough practitioners. This need goes beyond language and touches at issues of relocation, mixed families, language barriers and large life changes, all of which are common to those in Finland who are most comfortable speaking English.

I have been fortunate enough to know many foreigners living in Finland through my career as both a psychologist and singer as well as through my own family. English is also one of the languages spoken in my home. Through these experiences, I've learned to identify and work through recurring themes that emerge in international settings, all the while being sensitive to the uniqueness of each personal journey.

Please feel free to read more on my website https://psykologisolomon.com!