The Chambers Centre

15/11/2022

02/09/2022

SOUL SURGERY

Recently I met with some men who had become aware that they had behaved badly, they had reached a stage in their lives where they desired to change their behaviour. How does change happen?

Confidentiality
The process of change is engaged when a person who is seeking help finds someone in whom they can confide. This creates a safe space and a relationship of trust begins. The therapist, counsellor, pastor or small group leader must be able to keep their confidence. Confidentiality is so important that a person who is seeking help will usually not properly engage in the process of change without it. If written notes are made by either the client or the therapist they should be stored in a secure place.

Disclosure
When a relationship of trust has been established the person who is seeking help will usually begin by getting honest about the real state of affairs behind their public persona. They will share the matters that they feel guilty about. These may be recent actions or failures but include events from the remote past. Often they will share things that they have never told to anyone else before. This self- disclosure is therapeutic and is sometimes accompanied by a feeling of relief or as a weight being lifted off.

Decision
As the person who is seeking help becomes honest they are in fact taking a step towards taking responsibility for their part in whatever has happened. In time a deep desire to change takes root and at some point an inner decision is made. This may come with heart-rending tears or may come as a quiet inner conviction. It is not the phenomena that is important, but the decision is. As the person’s conviction grows and their will strengthens they are empowered to act on their own decision.

Change
When the will of a person is engaged it is often accompanied by a spiritual renewal. This is felt as an awakening of their conscience and it can be disorientating. The person will usually want to put matters right with those who they have wronged. For some people this happens spontaneously, for others the advice of their therapist, counsellor, pastor or small group leader can help. Still others are motivated through reading or listening to inspirational speeches. The person experiences new motivation and their life takes a new direction.

Repetition
The most neglected part of this process is repetition. A person who is seeking help will need to consider that there may be more wrong in their life than they originally thought. The lessons learnt by asking for help, creating trust, making disclosure, uncovering deep convictions, etc., should be applied to other areas of life.
Unfortunately, a one time effort is usually not enough. The person will need to build other relationships of trust through which they can receive ongoing support. Through this they will build a new lifestyle.

Restitution
One further aspect of this process is the need to make restitution i.e. to put right, as far as possible, any wrong done. For examples, returning stolen goods; writing letters of apology to people who you have harmed or deceived; and repayment of taxes. In some cases you may need to consult with your therapist, counsellor, pastor or small group leader in order to determine what the best course of action would be. Those who follow this principle discover freedom from their past and change in their future.
Part of the reason that people seek help is that they become aware that they have misbehaved and that their misbehaviour has impacted others. Help to change is available.

11/12/2021

The Process of Change

Recovery is the end result of a series of personal changes.

When applying for therapy clients will be asked to fill in an Intake Form. One of the most important questions it asks is this, How strongly do you want therapy for your problem? This question concerns motivation and the nature of the problem. Most people seeking therapy are doing so because they are facing a crisis. Initially, crisis motivates the therapy. However, as time goes on, a more personal motivation is usually needed to continue the therapeutic process. One thing that is good to keep in mind is that the problem may be solvable or may need to be managed.

The problems and the crises that they cause have deep and lasting affects. When engaging in therapy one should expect that at some point there will be an encounter with deep emotions. The reason for this is that feelings arising from current problems often, over time, stir older unexpressed feelings, feelings that earlier accompanied the most painful experiences in life. Clients will need assistance with examining these deep feelings eg. to whom are they directed towards. Significant change occurs when the full extent of hurt from others is acknowledged as well as the grievous reactions of the client are recognised.

In the later stages of therapy it is vital that a client takes responsibility for building a network of supportive people. One of the great benefits of therapy is that the therapist serves as a supportive relationship for the client. The client learns through accurate and honest conversations to utilise support and hopefully will find other supportive people. Good sources are: Twelve Step recovery groups or church-based small groups.

Therapy can support individuals, couples and families that desire change and growth in their lives.

31/05/2021

WHAT IS THERAPY

Introduction

Individual therapy takes place between two persons where one is the therapist, the other is the client.

The Therapist’s Perspective

The therapist provides a relationship in which the client is empowered to make decisions that are in the client’s best interest. This is done by crafting tailor-made tasks for the client to complete. The tasks enable the client to practice the skills that he or she will need in order to make important decisions in the future. For a limited period of time, the therapist will take on the role of advocating for what is in the client’s best interest.

The Client’s Perspective

From the client’s perspective, a therapeutic situation arises when an environment is offered in which the client is listened to and experiences being understood. This leads to the development of trust in a temporary relationship with the understanding person, the therapist. The client is asked to describe as accurately and as honestly as is possible the exact nature of his or her difficulty or disorder. A supportive relationship ensues.

Conclusion

Individual therapy is the treatment that is provided by the therapist to the client where its intended outcome is recovery.

03/05/2021

“Truth may be unwanted, inconvenient, resented, mocked in all the best places—even harassed, suppressed, and forced underground. But that does not make it anything other than truth.”

— Mary Eberstadt

Eberstadt, M. (2019) Primal screams: How the s*xual revolution created identity politics Templeton Press.

https://maryeberstadt.com

Mary Eberstadt is an influential American writer whose contributions to the intellectual landscape traverse several genres. An author of both non-fiction and fiction, her social commentary draws from various fields including anthropology, intellectual history, philosophy, popular culture, sociology, and theology.

Mary Eberstadt is an influential American writer whose contributions to the intellectual landscape traverse several genres. An author of both non-fiction and fiction, her social commentary draws from various fields including anthropology, intellectual history, philosophy, popular culture, sociology,...

23/04/2021

“If we can share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive” (Brown 2012, p.75).

--Brown, B. (2012) Daring greatly: How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way we live, love, parent and lead. London: Penguin.

https://brenebrown.com

Researcher. Storyteller. Texan. Courage is contagious. Every time we choose courage, we make everyone around us a little better and the world a little braver.

10/04/2021

“The care that adults provide nurtures the development of essential mental tools for survival. These attachment experiences enable children to thrive and achieve a highly flexible and adaptive capacity for balancing emotions, thinking, and empathetic connections with others”.

—Daniel Siegel, M.D., and Mary Hartzell, M.Ed.

Siegel, D. & Hartzell, M. (2003 p.203) Parenting from the inside out. London: Penguin.

A psychiatrist and an early childhood expert explore the extent to which our childhood experiences shape the way we parent.

03/04/2021

“Covert in**st occurs when a child becomes the object of a parent’s affection, love, passion, and preoccupation. The parent, motivated by the loneliness and emptiness created by a chronically troubled marriage or relationship, makes the child a surrogate partner. The boundary between caring and in**stuous love is crossed when the child exists to meet the needs of the parent rather than the child.”

—Kenneth Adams, Ph.D.

Adams, K. (2011) Silently Seduced: When Parents Make Their Children Partners, Understanding Covert In**st FL: HCI Books

28/03/2021

“Here is the truth: there is no overnight fix for recovery … to establish a viable recovery process takes at least three and a half years and for most up to five years. Becoming sober is not the hardest part. Staying sober is. Making changes in our lives halts the pain. Keeping the changes is what saves our lives.”

—Patrick Carnes, Ph.D.

Carnes, P. (2009) Recovery Zone Volume 1. Making Changes that Last: The Internal Tasks Gentle Path Press.

20/03/2021

“S*x addiction and gaming are affecting our children and the problem is increasing in alarming ways.”

—Carnes & Adams (2020 p.4)
Clinical Management of S*x Addiction-Revised edition

Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D., is author of more than 20 books on recovery. He is the founding architect of the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals, and the Gentle Path and Willow House programs for s*xual and trauma disorders.

Kenneth M. Adams, Ph.D., CSAT-S, is a licensed psychologist, faculty member with the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals and founder / clinical director of Kenneth M. Adams and Associates in Michigan.

13/03/2021

"Like an alcoholic unable to stop drinking, s*xual addicts are unable to stop their self-destructive s*xual behavior. Family breakups, financial disaster, loss of jobs, and risk to life are the painful themes of their stories.

S*x addicts come from all walks of life - they may be ministers, physicians, homemakers, factory workers, salespersons, secretaries, clerks, accountants, therapists, dentists, politicians, or executives, to name just a few examples. Most were abused as children - s*xually, physically, and/or emotionally. The majority grew up in families in which addiction already flourished, including alcoholism, compulsive eating, and compulsive gambling. Most grapple with other addictions as well, but they find s*x addiction the most difficult to stop.

Much hope nevertheless exists for these addicts and their families. S*x addicts have shown an ability to transform a life of self-destruction into a life of self-care, a life in chaos and despair into one of confidence and peace."

— Patrick Carnes Author of Out of the Shadows

Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D., is the founder of the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP) and Gentle Path Press. His extensive background in the field of addiction therapy led him to develop multiple cutting-edge recovery programs. Dr. Carnes’ most recent endeavour is the Founder of Gentle Path and Senior Fellow at The Meadows, in Wickenburg, Arizona.

https://s*xhelp.com

If you think that you, your partner, child or teen needs some help for s*x addiction we can help! S*xHelp.com will give you all the information and tools you need through this trying time.

07/03/2021

“May Christ protect me today against poison and burning, against growing and wounding, so that I may have abundant reward; Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me; Christ within me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me; Christ to right of me, Christ to left of me; Christ in my lying, Christ in my sitting, Christ in my rising; Christ in the heart of all who think of me, Christ on the tongue of all who speak to me, Christ in the eye of all who see me, Christ in the ear of all who hear me.”

—PATRICIUS
An extract from a Celtic prayer ‘St. Patrick’s Breastplate’

Attributed to Patrick who lived in the 5th century CE and is credited with bringing Christianity to Ireland. He is known only from two short works, Confessio, a spiritual autobiography, and Epistola, a letter to a violent slave trader called Coroticus.

St. Patrick's Cathedral (Church of Ireland), Armagh city and district (historical County Armagh), Northern Ireland.

Tourism Ireland

28/02/2021

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.”

JESUS SON OF JOSEPH

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuF853nKqYg

Jesus, also called Jesus Christ, Jesus of Galilee, or Jesus of Nazareth, (born c. 6–4 BCE, Bethlehem—died c. 30 CE, Jerusalem), religious leader revered in Christianity, one of the world’s major religions. He is regarded by most Christians as the Incarnation of God.

Powerful Quotations from Jesus Christ. Song: Fathom by Kyle Preston

20/02/2021

“When security and trust are present, we begin to develop an interpersonal bond, which forms a bridge of empathic mutuality. Such a bridge is crucial for the development of self-worth. The only way a child can develop a sense of self is through relationship with another. We are “we” before we are “I.”

—JOHN BRADSHAW

https://www.johnbradshaw.com

John E. Bradshaw (1933 – 2016) was an American educator, counsellor, motivational speaker, and author who hosted a number of PBS television programs on topics such as addiction, recovery, codependency, and spirituality.

(1988) Healing The Shame That Binds You Florida: HCI Books

John Bradshaw's work has liberated millions from the shame and addictions that held them captive. His bestselling books and DVDs continue to carry his message to all those who need it. 

13/02/2021

“I thought it was always safe to do right. The Bible, in bidding us to feed the hungry and clothe the naked, said nothing about color, and I should try to follow out the teachings of that good book.”

― LEVI COFFIN, Reminiscences

https://cincinnatifriends.org/about-us/our-history/levi-coffin

Levi Coffin (1798-1877) was an American abolitionist, called the “President of the Underground Railroad”, who assisted thousands of runaway slaves on their flight to freedom.

Levi Coffin (1798-1877) Levi Coffin was descended from the early Quaker settlers in Nantucket. His grandparents and father moved from there to New Garden, North Carolina, where Levi was born. Although his family never owned slaves, Coffin was exposed to the practice at an early age. His conversion t...

06/02/2021

“Teamwork begins by building trust and the only way to do that is to overcome our need for invulnerability.”

—PATRICK LENCIONI

Patrick Lencioni (born 1965) is an American writer of books on business management, particularly in relation to team management. He is best known as the author of The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, a popular business fable that explores work team dynamics and offers solutions to help teams perform better.

30/01/2021

“All men and women should strive to learn before they die, what they are running from, and to, and why.”

JAMES THURBER

James G. Thurber, (1894—1961) was an American writer and cartoonist, whose well-known and highly acclaimed writings and drawings picture the urban man as one who escapes into fantasy because he is befuddled and beset by a world that he neither created nor understands.

23/01/2021

“ A man who has not passed through the inferno of his passions has never overcome them.”

— CARL JUNG

Carl G. Jung (1875-1961) was a Swiss psychologist and psychiatrist who founded analytic psychology.