Personal experience: I had an unexpected caesarean for my first child-Mana, in Fiji, in 2011. This lead to many emotional disturbances within me which I was unable to process properly until one and half years after his birth.
The highlight for me during the days immediately after birth was an old postpartum doula coming to our home in Fiji to give me an hour’s massage daily. This was the best gift I offered myself. Added to this was some traditional meals and drinks for lactation from my sister, which helped warm my body and mind.
When I had my second child, in a new country and without family, I ensured at list one thing was in place - Postpartum massage days after giving birth and asking my mother-in-law to come and help for a few weeks. This was a normal birth not a caesarean (thanks to my husband’s courage and my intention) but I ended up with a long lasting episiotomy.
My husband is from the ‘modern age thinking’ hence was extremely engaged and helpful through the pregnancy, at birth and afterwards (for both kids). I’m thankful for that.
However, most man are not trained to provide massage and nourishment and everyone can feel overwhelmed with the changes coming from the new baby being out and about. Hence, investment in extra help can totally change our experience. It changed mine!
(One of my focus will be to help provide the husbands with useful training and tips which can better prepare them for care giving and help them find there place during this transition.)
In the old days, it seemed common practice that someone else would clean and cook for you and also give massage to baby and mother. At least that was my experience in my Fijian household for the many kaki’s (aunties) who gave birth to my cousins. My grandmother, sister and I were actively involved in Postpartum and pregnancy care of all of them.
When I speak to my friends in Europe today (where I live currently) such postpartum care is not available or is not part of the culture. There are few new mother’s associations or and some family members who assist but this is quite rare and lucky. Especially, because in this globalized world, many live far from their immediate families.
The everyday story:
Today, it is common practice to prepare a lot of practical things for the baby’s arrival. And we often forget about our own self-care. We forget or just don’t know (as first-time mothers) that we will need extra help and special healing after giving birth.
Our body and emotions go through immense workout throughout the pregnancy and specially during the time of giving birth. Facts and experienced midwives speak in detail about what an emotional investment birthing is and how some mothers experience baby blues due to various circumstances.
Some woman even go through trauma when giving birth while others are lucky or prepare well to have a beautiful experience.
In today’s fast paced, single unit families, we are seeing many breakups, unhappy couples and/or difficulty in upbringing children. I personally believe and I'm convinced after my research that, after birth or postpartum care and processing the birth is almost mandatory to becoming a happy and healthy mother and family.
I’m not saying it will be the miracle solution to everything but I can assure you that this takes a lot of burden off the husband and does help the woman to feel better and physically stronger and energized to support the demands of a new born and a household. In addition, many women go back to work soon after birth, and good postnatal care can ensure you are strong and rested enough to go back to work in good health.
In Ayurveda, 41 days rest and care is recommended after giving birth. Ayurveda says “41 days is investment for 41 years ahead.” Beyond this, the expanded uterus and muscle ligaments need up to 3 months to shrink back and recover.
