18/11/2025
Symptoms can include:
• Not being able to stop crying
• feelings of hopelessness
• persistent low mood
• feelings of not being able to cope
• not being able to enjoy anything
• excessive anxiety about the baby
• difficulty in bonding with the baby
• being unable to concentrate or focus
• isolating from friends and family
• sleeplessness
• extreme tiredness & lack of energy
• aches and pains
• feeling generally unwell
• anxiety
• loss of appetite
Parents often feel a heavy sense of self judgement, even loathing when experiencing depression, which only compounds the condition.
There is often a lot of pressure at this life stage ‘to get it right’ and be ‘the best parent’, have the ‘perfect birth’, ‘breastfeed’, ‘go to mother & baby groups’, ‘sign up for classes’, ‘get a sleep routine established’, and ‘bounce back’ (whatever the hell that means!).
When these things are difficult, or traumatic, or don’t happen for whatever reason, some can interpret this as a personal failing.
Which of course it isn’t at all.
But it does leave people to then vulnerable to experiencing depression as the harsh punitive self talk about ‘failing’, ‘not being good enough’ can begin to take root in their mind.
Tim Cantopher is a Psychologist who wrote the book; Depressive Illness The Curse of the Strong.
He puts forward an idea that I have found to be true in every woman I have supported with PND.
He suggests that depression occurs when people have a high standard for themselves, when they are conscientious, diligent and caring of others.
When they encounter struggle, stress or adversity they are unable to ask for support because they feel they have to shoulder it all, cope with it all, manage it all.
Here a 3 important therapeutic tool to share with depressed parents:
• It isn’t their ‘fault’ that they are finding this hard. Many of us struggle. Judging ourselves for perceived failure just makes a difficult situation harder to bear.
• Listen carefully for all the things that are going right. When depressed we become blind to any positives and part of the work is to reflect the things that are going right and to celebrate those wins – no matter how small.
• Ask ‘what would you say to a friend in the same position, who is struggling?’ and then suggest that they begin to affirm these things for themselves out loud, or in their head or in a journal, frequently to offer a counter balance to all the harsh, judgey thinking that has often been running rampant through the mind unchecked.
If you are a parent who needs support please PM me for details of our free funded therapy sessions.
If you are a professional who would like to know how to do more to support parents recovery from depression, anxiety and perinatal trauma then take a look at our 2 year course in Perinatal Hypnotherapy.
https://tbrschool.podia.com/level-3-diploma-in-perinatal-hypnotherapy
