Phil de la Haye IFS, Alveston (2026)

08/04/2026

GOOD NEWS! It’s never too late to heal

At any time in our lives we can take action to activate and learn new pathways in our brains. We can literally rewire our brains into having healthier, happier, chronic pain-free pathways. We can also have a huge impact on our mental health, improving symptoms such as anxiety and depression and increasing our sense of wellbeing.

It might take a little time and it definitely takes some concentrated effort, but we can do it.

This is available to every single one of us.
And our brains are able to form new neural pathways throughout the life span. Literally until the day we day our brains are capable of change and new learning. How does it make you feel to hear that? It always gives me so much hope when I remind myself of this.

And yes – it sucks that these symptoms are often due to things happened to us in the past that we had no control over. We can’t change the past, but we can make some choices that will help us to have a better, healthier future.

If you’re reading this, you’re probably already doing it. If you’re not, check out some of the resources linked on my website www.phildelahaye.com (link in bio)

06/04/2026

Dr John Sarno talked about the concept of the rage to soothe ratio, and why it’s important in recovery from chronic pain or other stress related symptoms.

It can also be helpful to think of it as a stress to soothe ratio, because not everyone finds it easy to identify with the concept of being full of rage. For me overwhelm and stress often make my levels of irritation and impatience rise, so Dr Sarno’s version fit in my case!

If you think of a typical day, there will always be things that happen that cause you stress (and/or rage). Not necessarily huge ‘important’ things. But lots of little stressors can stack up and up until we are like a pressure cooker that’s ready to explode.

When that pressure builds up it often comes out as pain or other symptoms such as anxiety, brain fog, fatigue, irritability etc. Soothing ourselves is the antidote to this build-up of rage/stress. When we take time out for self-care it helps to neutralise some of the crap that’s stacked up during the day.

Things you could try:
Mindful breathing
Walking in nature
Dancing/shaking it off
Emotional journalling
Hugging someone
Hugging yourself (or a pillow) and listening to a self-compassion meditation
Yoga or other mindful movement
Playing with a pet
Doing something creative

Whatever works for you is great.

What are some of your favourite ways to soothe yourself?

03/04/2026

REMINDER: Sometimes the brain creates pain when there is nothing structurally wrong in the body.
No tissue damage. No injury.
The brain can create pain or other symptoms literally ANYWHERE in the body.

These symptoms can be anything from a mild ni**le to horrific roll-on-the-floor agony.
They can include pain, numbness, tingling, muscle weakness, fatigue, skin conditions, GI problems.
They can masquerade as an infection, or that feeling you get when you think you’re coming down with something.

The brain and nervous system are amazing.
But remember that their one goal is to keep you safe!
If the brain thinks that symptoms are going to protect you, then it will give you symptoms. And the more you fear and fight those symptoms, the more ramped up your nervous system gets, and the worse the symptoms will get.

Break the cycle by:�
Educating yourself about pain science� to break the pain-fear cycle
Understanding the stressors past and present that are keeping your nervous system on high alert
Learning to feel and process your emotions
Noticing your negative self-talk and changing the inner dialogue
Prioritising self-care and having boundaries

01/04/2026

Should I push through my chronic pain?
I get asked this a lot, usually in relation to physical activity/exercise, but it can apply to any trigger. My answer is that you want to try and find the sweet spot between pushing too hard, and not challenging yourself at all.

Pain is a warning signal. So when you get pain around exercise there is a part of you that perceives exercise as dangerous to you in some way. This danger may be due to a physical injury. But in the case of chronic pain, there is no injury. So the symptoms are more likely to be due to one of two things (or a combination of the two)

Neuroplastic pain – conditioned pain because the brain has come to associate exercise with symptoms, kept going by fear of movement which becomes self-fulfilling.
And/or
A part in your system that is creating pain for protection. For example, the symptoms may be your body saying NO in response to a shaming critic that forces you to exercise hard, and has caused burnout in the past - if this is the case, you will need to do some emotional work around this issue alongside graded exposure to reduce your fear of exercise

If you push through intense pain, you’re likely to just make yourself feel even more fearful, and any part creating pain is only going to try harder to stop you from exercising. This is more likely to cause you a setback than help you make progress.

But if you always let any pain stop you from doing things that expand your comfort zone, then you will stay stuck. Your brain needs to learn that the sensations in your body are safe, and it won’t learn this unless you let yourself do things that bring on those sensations.

So, what you want is gradual exposure. Start small, give yourself lots of reassurance that the pain isn’t due to an injury – it’s just being created by your brain.

30/03/2026

You don’t need to have experienced significant trauma or abuse in order to have mindbody symptoms.

Chronic stress, especially emotional stress can be enough to put our nervous system into a constant state of high alert. This can then cause our brains to produce pain (or other unusual symptoms).

Sometimes this stress is external (work, life, family, or other social factors).

But sometimes it can be internal: personality traits or ‘parts’ of us keep us trapped with limiting beliefs and patterns of thought or behaviour that keep us stuck in negative cycles.

The good news is that the internal stuff can be changed. And when we work on the internal stress it puts us in a better position to address some of the external stressors too - or at least to be able to cope with them better.

27/03/2026

Dreams are a gateway to our unconscious mind and can provide information about what's happening inside.
Do you remember your dreams? If so, what messages do they have for you?
I often use my dreams as journalling prompts in my mindbody healing process, and they can lead me to tap into things (or parts of me) that want to come into my awareness.

Our dreams are often strange and metaphorical, but the emotional content of our dreams can tell us a lot.
Dreams are one of the ways that our brains process emotion. When we dream, our brain is providing a safe container to feel and process emotion.

During times of stress I have recurring dreams about trying to climb steep cliffs and struggling to get to the top.
At times when I feel out of control and afraid, I have dreams about riding bicycles that are too tall so my feet won’t reach the ground and I have to keep cycling otherwise the bike topples over and I fall.
These 'anxiety' dreams feels as if they are coming from anxious manager parts who are trying to achieve and control my life.

When I have these dreams I take time to reassure myself that I’m safe, and do what I can to relax and create time for myself.

Sometimes I have dreams where I have a bunch of kittens to look after but I keep forgetting to care for them. This one feels like a warning that I'm neglecting my young vulnerable parts and that they need my attention.

What emotions are coming out in your dreams? What might your unconscious be trying to tell you?

25/03/2026

Mindbody healing isn't a set menu. It's a buffet!

In the mindbody forums online, I often see people who are new to this work wanting to know exactly what others have done to heal. Particularly if they find someone who had similar symptoms to them, they want to know details of what tools and techniques that person used to get out of pain.

I understand the desperation. When you’re in pain, all you want is to get better. And when you start reading about mindbody methods it can be overwhelming. There is a lot of advice about what to do, but all the experts give slightly different ‘prescriptions’ for how to do the work.

This isn’t because some of the experts are right and some of them are wrong. It’s because THERE IS NO ONE PERFECT WAY TO HEAL. There are as many unique paths through this healing process as there are people with symptoms.

I know this is frustrating. Most of us want instructions to follow. But in choosing your own personal path through this work, you learn to listen to your mind and body, and you start to trust your intuition about what helps YOU. And developing trust in your instincts is all part of the healing process.

Think of all the different suggestions as a buffet. Try out some of the different dishes and see which are best for you.

23/03/2026

Blending in IFS terms is when one or more parts takes over (either fully or partially) - so the part has grabbed the metaphorical wheel, or is in the driving seat and there isn't much space for our adult Self to be online.
Depending on what sort of part it is, this can feel very different.

These are some of my own experiences:
When a thinking/doing manager is blended I'm very on task and
focused, but might also feel a lot of intensity and activation. I will forget
to take a break, or adjust my position and might notice a lot of tension in my
body (when I finally realise what's happening).

If a worrying/planning manager is blended I can be caught in
thought loops and it feels noisy in my head with a lot of internal chatter.

When a distracting firefighter is blended, I'll be absorbed in something
and find it hard to stop - like bingewatching, scrolling, or playing an iPad
game compulsively.

Blended food firefighters may have me opening the fridge and
eating before I'm consciously aware of what's happening, or eating in a kind of
trance state.

If a dissociating part is blended I feel disconnected from
reality and spaced out. It feels like I'm seeing the world through a glass helmet.

When an exile blends I feel young, scared, helpless, sad, lonely,
or fearful... in a way that might seem out of proportion to the present
situation.

When we're blended we don't usually realise we're blended - especially not when we're new to parts work. So it's helpful to start with the assumption that any intense feelings, thoughts or behaviours are coming from a part. Pause and say: "A part of me is feeling/thinking/wants me to do X." Then try and bring some curiosity to that experience.

20/03/2026

EVERYONE HAS CHILDHOOD WOUNDS
There is no such thing as a perfect childhood.

In IFS terms, everyone has young parts that hold burdens. This is a universal human experience.
When we come to the work of personal development and self-discovery (especially if we are driven here by physical symptoms rather than psychological ones) there is often resistance to the idea that we might have unresolved issues from childhood.

For those of us who were fortunate to have a reasonably happy childhood where there was no obvious capital T trauma, it’s common to be in denial about small t trauma that we experienced.
But to a child, the lack of close connection to their carer can be traumatic.
Being separated from your parents can be traumatic.
Being bullied at school can be traumatic.
Feeling that your parents favoured one of your siblings can be traumatic.
Persistently feeling not good enough, or not smart enough can be traumatic.

It’s also really important to understand that uncovering and identifying your own personal little t traumas is NOT about blaming your parents.
We can recognise that our parents loved us and did their best for us, while still acknowledging that sometimes that might not have been good enough.
Both of these things can be true.

Everyone has some degree of childhood baggage. Just because yours isn’t immediately obvious, doesn’t mean it won’t be helpful to unpack it. Trying to ignore it will definitely not be helpful, and working through it can be incredibly rewarding when it helps us understand ourselves better and have more self-compassion.

18/03/2026

The words we use when talking about our symptoms are important, because they send powerful messages to the brain about how safe or unsafe we are.

I've decided my new favourite word to use instead of 'flare' is wave 🌊
It feels less negative and more accepting to say "I'm having a wave of symptoms" rather than using the F word 🔥

The visual image associated with a wave is cooler and more gentle (I’m imagining ocean swell rather than a tsunami). A wave passes through and there is calm and settling afterwards.

How does the sound of a ‘symptom wave' feel for you?
Do you have any preferred terms that help send a message of safety and acceptance to your brain when you're experiencing a TMS wave?

16/03/2026

How can I befriend and soothe pre-verbal or 'inner baby' parts?

The short answer: Re-parent them. Try to be with them from a
place of radical acceptance and self-compassion.

Our caregivers might not have been able to give us the safe, secure attachment that we needed when we were tiny. If that was the case, you may notice that these littlest parts feel distressed and lonely. They may be burdened with feelings or beliefs about being unloveable, or 'too much', or as if they did something wrong.

You may have other parts who want to avoid being with those feelings, and/or parts who want to rescue the baby. But swooping to rescue can sometimes bypass the baby's experience, which needs witnessing. So, ask those other parts to let YOU be with the baby.

These little ones communicate through sensations, emotions, and impulses because they can't use words. So tune into your body and see what you notice:
Maybe a sense of isolation, of longing, or a hunger for touch,
or a desire for food and comfort.
Maybe tension, distress, the urge to cry, shame.
Maybe a numbness or shutting down.

Ask your inner baby what they need and sense into it. When I hang out with my baby parts I do a lot of rocking, humming, hugging pillows, wrapping myself in a blanket… What would help your littlest parts feel safe and secure? They may not be able to answer with words, but just as a loving attuned parent can sense what a baby needs, you'll start to learn what your inner baby needs.

You can't talk a baby out of what it feels or believes. Babies don't understand words or logic. But you can love them and soothe them until new feelings and new beliefs begin to emerge naturally.

13/03/2026

WHAT ARE MIRROR SYMPTOMS?
This is when we experience a pain symptom on both sides of our body. For example you might have pain in one knee for a while, and then it moves to the other knee. Or pain in one hip, and then the other. Or pain that switches mysteriously from side to side.

This is a very common way for neuroplastic pain to manifest, so If this happens to you it’s an excellent sign that you’re dealing with a mindbody issue and NOT a structural problem.

This was exactly what happened to me. I had pain in my right shoulder that I thought was an overtraining injury. When that settled down, I had the exact same pain in my left shoulder a few months later for no apparent reason. My physio was as bemused by it as I was.

Now I know that the pain in that second shoulder (and probably the first too) was being created by my brain.

I’ve also had pain in both ankles at various points, both hips, both sides of my neck, both legs… but never both sides at the same time. The brain is so clever at moving symptoms around and keeping us in fear.

“What have I done to myself now?” was my constant question for years. Until I realised there is nothing physically wrong with me. I just had a nervous system that was on high alert and a brain that was great at sending pain signals - and these things can be changed.

Have you experienced mysterious mirror symptoms?

Phil de la Haye IFS

08/04/2026

06/04/2026

03/04/2026

01/04/2026

30/03/2026

27/03/2026

25/03/2026

23/03/2026

20/03/2026

18/03/2026

16/03/2026

13/03/2026

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