Phil de la Haye IFS

04/03/2026

What is your pain trying to tell you? ⁠
If a current stressor is triggering a past trauma (aka activating wounded and/or or protective parts in us), this can cause symptoms in the body.⁠
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As we learn to understand our current triggers and our emotional responses in the context of our past experiences and our programming, we can change our brains. We can bring in a sense of safety and can defuse that automatic response that creates symptoms.⁠

Suggested journal prompts:
What is your pain warning you about? If it could use words - what would it be saying to you?⁠
What do you need to say to your pain to reassure it that you’re safe now?⁠
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02/03/2026

In mindbody healing we make a lot of effort to feel our emotions and process some of the anger, grief, fear, guilt etc that we have stored in our systems. Airing that and letting it go is an important part of healing. Many of us do this through journalling, and ‘rage on the page’ on a regular basis.

But if all you ever do is ladle out the crap, you end up feeling empty and drained. So this is where it’s important to remember to not only scoop out the bad stuff, but to refill that space we’ve created inside ourselves with the good stuff: joy, fun, self-compassion, self-love.

Some suggestions:
Do a self-compassion meditation
Use positive affirmations
Make plans with a friend (or just call someone you love)
Do something fun for your inner child
Get out in nature and look for the beauty in the world

What’s your favourite way of refilling your reservoir with the good stuff?

27/02/2026

The amygdala is where we store emotional memories. These may be preverbal and unconscious but they were laid down to keep us safe. ⁠
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Our triggers in the present - things that make us (or parts of us) react in ways that seem out of proportion to the event - are always related to these hurts in the past.⁠
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Someone turning away from you when you want their attention might activate the intense pain of rejection from one of our wounded parts and/or the anger of a protector. ⁠
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Someone touching you on the shoulder unexpectedly might paralyse you with fear.⁠
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Someone giving you feedback in the workplace might send you into a spiral of self-criticism and fears of not being good enough (a critical part and an exile who is full of shame).
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When we unpack the past and learn to understand our triggers, our vulnerable spots, our Achilles’ heels… then we can forgive ourselves for our reactions, develop self-compassion, and heal the wounds of the past that are showing up in our bodies as pain in the present. ⁠
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25/02/2026

Why does exercise cause me pain if I don’t have a physical injury?⁠
Exercise triggers mindbody pain for two reasons:⁠
Because it's a conditioned response⁠
Because it’s triggering some unconscious emotional response or conflict⁠ between different parts in your system
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In both cases your nervous system perceives exercise as dangerous, and you need to teach it that exercise is safe.⁠
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A conditioned response means your expectation of pain is activating the pain fear cycle. Fear that exercise will cause pain makes your brain create the pain (because pain is a danger signal from the brain).⁠
You deal with this by gradually increasing the amount of exercise you do. At the same time use lots of self soothing, self talk, affirmations of safety etc. Tell your unconscious brain you’re fine and it will turn down the danger signal.⁠
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If exercise is creating unconscious emotions or conflict, you need to try and bring this into conscious awareness. Try exploring the different parts of you that come up around exercise. What is your internal chatter like on the subject? Is there a part of you that’s competitive? Is there a critical voice that berated you for not running far/fast enough in the past? Have you ever used exercise to control your weight or try and change your appearance? Is there any unconscious resistance, shame, or fear of failure that might be driving symptoms? Once you work out what’s going on, you can address the emotions that might be causing the symptoms.⁠
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24/02/2026

I'm just re-sharing this new group that I co-created with two friends and colleagues.
We have nearly 300 members now, and I'm really enjoying the connection and conversations that are taking place there. Please come and join us if you're interested in the mindbody connection (and in connecting with other people who share that interest) 💚🌿
Join us here:
Living the Work: Mindbody Connection

💚I'm excited to announce that I've co-created a new Facebook group with some much loved colleagues of mine, Justine MindBody OT and Kat Gemson.

This group will have a general mindbody healing focus and we hope that there will be lots of discussion and peer support. Please come and join the conversation here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/livingthework/

Group description:
"Founded by Justine Stull - Mindbody OT (she/her), Kat Gemson (she/her), and Phil de la Haye (he/him). This group is for those dedicated to relieving chronic pain and neuroplastic symptoms through developing relationships with ourselves and others.

We welcome both individuals navigating their own practice and practitioners working in this space into community and shared conversation around “Living the Work.”

The group’s founders are a healthcare practitioner, an educator, and a therapist who have lived experience with mindbody symptoms. This is a trauma-informed space, and we aim to be inclusive of diversity of all kinds."

23/02/2026

See previous posts for an overview of the whole wheel and the other quadrants. This is the final post in the series.

THE WIDER SYSTEMS QUADRANT

We often hear that healing is an inside job—and there’s truth in that (see the Heart quadrant). Inner work is an essential part of recovery.

But we don’t heal in isolation. Each of us exists within a complex web of wider systems: relationships, families, communities, workplaces, institutions, and culture. These external systems can support us, challenge us, or sometimes overwhelm us.

While we usually can’t change or control these systems, an important part of healing is learning how to support ourselves as we engage with them.

Loneliness can drive symptoms because isolation feels unsafe. We all need connection to thrive. At the same time, relationships filled with conflict, pressure, or unpredictability can also feel unsafe. Healing often involves seeking and maintaining relationships that feel supportive or “good enough.”

This is where boundaries matter.
Checking in with your needs.
Communicating them when it feels safe.
Learning to say no (and caring for the parts of you that struggle with this).
Making space for intentional self-care.
And, when necessary, limiting contact with toxic or abusive relationships while gently adjusting expectations.

Connection matters both internally and externally. Cultivate relationships with supportive, like-minded people, and remember that connection can also come through pets, nature, creativity, spirituality, and community. Notice what helps you feel grounded and connected, and make time for more of it.

Recommended resources
🎧 You Make Sense podcast with Sarah Baldwin
📘 How to Do the Work by Nicole LePera

22/02/2026

Recommendation: I wanted to share this great new free tool for emotional exploration from my friend and colleague Dani Fagan.

It offers prompts for emotional exploration on a variety of topics and themes. You can search for specifics, or ask it to generate something randomly. It's really useful for supporting a journalling practice, or any form of self-inquiry!

https://emotionalexploration.com/

20/02/2026

See previous posts for an overview of the whole wheel and the Mind and Heart quadrants. I’ll be sharing the Wider Systems quadrant next.

THE BODY QUADRANT

This quadrant includes two closely linked elements: movement and regulation. They go hand in hand, as moving the body can directly influence our nervous system state.

Many people living with chronic symptoms feel disconnected from their bodies, or even at war with them. Gently rebuilding a compassionate relationship with the body can help heal this rupture and support recovery.

Embodiment can be challenging, especially for those with trauma linked to the body. But when we slowly come back into the body and begin to experience safety there, it can be profoundly healing.

Intentions of this quadrant
• Gently challenge fear around movement and exercise by building up gradually and with curiosity (supported by somatic tracking from the Mind quadrant).
• Reconnect with the body through gentle movement, breath, and grounding.
• Use body-first approaches to regulate the nervous system, practising them regularly so they’re accessible when you feel triggered.
The body is a powerful resource in mind-body healing. When we use body-first practices such as breathing to calm and settle the body, we send clear signals of safety to the brain. This can reduce anxiety and, in turn, help symptoms to settle.

Free supportive resources
🌬 Breathwork using slow nasal inhales and long, gentle exhales
🧘 Tai Chi or Qi Gong for embodied, gentle movement (Begin with Breath on YouTube)
✋ EFT (tapping) practices via The Tapping Solution app or Tapping with Brad on YouTube

18/02/2026

See previous posts for an overview of the whole wheel and the Mind quadrant. I’ll be sharing the other quadrants over the coming days.

THE HEART QUADRANT
This part of mind-body healing is all about internal connection. It’s the process of getting to know ourselves more deeply and bringing self-compassion to all parts of us. It also involves learning to slow down, notice, and stay with our internal experience with curiosity and kindness.

We can explore the past through journalling and/or therapy and begin to notice how it has shaped our mind-body system. Using IFS principles, we can befriend protective parts that may still be relying on old coping strategies that no longer serve us. Over time, our inner critic, perfectionist, and people-pleasing parts can begin to soften. As internal trust grows and we build capacity to sit with emotions, we can gently connect with our most vulnerable parts that carry emotional pain and trauma.

We can also explore current stressors. By noticing links between past and present, we often develop more compassion for ourselves around situations or people that trigger us.

A simple practice when activated is the You-Turn:
Pause.
Breathe.
Notice.
Ask yourself:
What’s going on inside right now?
How can I be kind to myself about this?

Recommended resources
🎧 My podcast episodes on IFS, on The Cure for Chronic Pain with Nicole Sachs
📘 The IFS Workbook by Dr. Richard Schwartz
🧘 Self-compassion meditations on Insight Timer

16/02/2026

See previous post for an overview of the whole wheel. I’ll be sharing the other quadrants over the coming days.

THE MIND QUADRANT
Our minds can be powerful allies in healing from mind-body symptoms like chronic pain and other medically unexplained symptoms, as well as anxiety and depression.

Psychoeducation—learning about the science of pain, the nervous system, and the impact of stress and trauma on the brain and body—can be deeply empowering. As we understand that chronic symptoms are rarely caused by tissue damage, fear often starts to reduce. This shift away from fear and toward hope and trust supports the body’s capacity to heal.

Pain is always a danger signal, but it’s an output of the brain and not a reliable indicator of injury. That signal can be triggered by stress. Most chronic symptoms are neuroplastic (driven by learned brain pathways), and what’s learned can be unlearned.

This understanding can interrupt the pain-fear cycle and help you respond to symptoms with more patience and self-compassion, rather than fear and frustration.

An IFS perspective
Many of us have strong “learning parts” that love researching all the things. While helpful, these parts can also bring urgency and intensity, keeping us stuck in the Mind quadrant and out of balance. That urgency itself can signal danger to the brain. Getting to know these parts and gently pacing yourself can be more supportive for healing.

Recommended resources
📘 The Way Out by Alan Gordon
🎧 The Science Behind the Symptoms podcast
📱 The Curable App
Somatic tracking

Somatic tracking uses mindfulness to relate to symptoms with curiosity instead of fear. Practised regularly, it can help retrain the brain to feel safe, allowing pain and other symptoms to quiet over time. I especially recommend Jim Prussack’s short YouTube videos and Adele Stewart’s practices on Insight Timer.

13/02/2026

Rate where you currently fall on a scale of 0-10 for the areas listed below.
The goal is balance e.g. 5+ for all, not 10/10.
Low scores can show you where to focus your attention.

Education
Do you understand what causes chronic pain and other mindbody symptoms? Do you know what you need to do in order to recover?
Do you believe that you are dealing with a mindbody issue rather than a physical problem?

Mindset
Can you separate from your symptoms and not fear them or get angry with them? Are you able to practise acceptance/patience? If you notice symptoms, do you remember to focus on psychological rather than physical causes?

Emotional Work
Have you explored your past, and considered how it might be creating chronic stress and symptoms?
Are you using parts work (IFS) or inner child work to befriend different parts of yourself?
Can you recognise, be with your emotions as they arise?

Self-compassion
Can you notice and pause when you’re engaged in negative self-talk and invite in some self-compassion instead?

Movement
Are you able to move your body without fearing your symptoms? Have you created a regular habit of exercise?

Regulation
Can you relax? Do you know how to soothe your nervous system? Do you practise this on a daily basis, and in the moment when you’re triggered?

Boundaries
Are you able to say no? Do you set and maintain boundaries with people in your life? Can you speak up for yourself?

Connection
Do you have things in your life that bring you joy? Do you have close, authentic relationships with other people?

Watch out for upcoming posts going into more detail about each quadrant :)

11/02/2026

Internal Family Systems: An Overview
IFS stands for Internal Family Systems, and it’s concerned with the family of parts that live inside you NOT with your external family.

The main premises of the IFS model are:
Everyone has lots of different parts
Everyone also has a core Self (also known as Self energy)
All our parts have good intentions
Some parts get pushed into extreme roles as a response to stress or trauma
The more trauma we’ve experienced, the more extreme some of our parts will be
Our parts interact on the inside much like a family, with alliances, polarizations, and conflict

Your core Self is shown here at the centre. Self is not a part. It’s the YOU that isn’t a part, who can notice and listen to other parts.
The protective parts (managers and firefighters) protect the exiles who hold emotional pain, burdened beliefs and trauma memories. The protectors also try and keep exiles out of awareness in order to prevent us being overwhelmed by them.

The goals of IFS are:
To liberate parts from extreme roles
To help unburden parts that carry trauma/pain
To restore trust in Self leadership
To achieve more balance in the system

All of these things will help to calm your nervous system, improve emotional regulation, and can help reduce chronic symptoms – because parts can impact the body in a variety of ways including using, or even creating physical symptoms.

To learn more about your own internal system, I recommend the following books:
The One Inside by Tammy Sollenburger
The IFS Workbook by Richard Schwartz.