Phil de la Haye IFS, Alveston (2026)

16/02/2026

See previous post for an overview of the whole wheel. I’ll be sharing the other quadrants over the coming days.

THE MIND QUADRANT
Our minds can be powerful allies in healing from mind-body symptoms like chronic pain and other medically unexplained symptoms, as well as anxiety and depression.

Psychoeducation—learning about the science of pain, the nervous system, and the impact of stress and trauma on the brain and body—can be deeply empowering. As we understand that chronic symptoms are rarely caused by tissue damage, fear often starts to reduce. This shift away from fear and toward hope and trust supports the body’s capacity to heal.

Pain is always a danger signal, but it’s an output of the brain and not a reliable indicator of injury. That signal can be triggered by stress. Most chronic symptoms are neuroplastic (driven by learned brain pathways), and what’s learned can be unlearned.

This understanding can interrupt the pain-fear cycle and help you respond to symptoms with more patience and self-compassion, rather than fear and frustration.

An IFS perspective
Many of us have strong “learning parts” that love researching all the things. While helpful, these parts can also bring urgency and intensity, keeping us stuck in the Mind quadrant and out of balance. That urgency itself can signal danger to the brain. Getting to know these parts and gently pacing yourself can be more supportive for healing.

Recommended resources
📘 The Way Out by Alan Gordon
🎧 The Science Behind the Symptoms podcast
📱 The Curable App
Somatic tracking

Somatic tracking uses mindfulness to relate to symptoms with curiosity instead of fear. Practised regularly, it can help retrain the brain to feel safe, allowing pain and other symptoms to quiet over time. I especially recommend Jim Prussack’s short YouTube videos and Adele Stewart’s practices on Insight Timer.

13/02/2026

Rate where you currently fall on a scale of 0-10 for the areas listed below.
The goal is balance e.g. 5+ for all, not 10/10.
Low scores can show you where to focus your attention.

Education
Do you understand what causes chronic pain and other mindbody symptoms? Do you know what you need to do in order to recover?
Do you believe that you are dealing with a mindbody issue rather than a physical problem?

Mindset
Can you separate from your symptoms and not fear them or get angry with them? Are you able to practise acceptance/patience? If you notice symptoms, do you remember to focus on psychological rather than physical causes?

Emotional Work
Have you explored your past, and considered how it might be creating chronic stress and symptoms?
Are you using parts work (IFS) or inner child work to befriend different parts of yourself?
Can you recognise, be with your emotions as they arise?

Self-compassion
Can you notice and pause when you’re engaged in negative self-talk and invite in some self-compassion instead?

Movement
Are you able to move your body without fearing your symptoms? Have you created a regular habit of exercise?

Regulation
Can you relax? Do you know how to soothe your nervous system? Do you practise this on a daily basis, and in the moment when you’re triggered?

Boundaries
Are you able to say no? Do you set and maintain boundaries with people in your life? Can you speak up for yourself?

Connection
Do you have things in your life that bring you joy? Do you have close, authentic relationships with other people?

Watch out for upcoming posts going into more detail about each quadrant :)

11/02/2026

Internal Family Systems: An Overview
IFS stands for Internal Family Systems, and it’s concerned with the family of parts that live inside you NOT with your external family.

The main premises of the IFS model are:
Everyone has lots of different parts
Everyone also has a core Self (also known as Self energy)
All our parts have good intentions
Some parts get pushed into extreme roles as a response to stress or trauma
The more trauma we’ve experienced, the more extreme some of our parts will be
Our parts interact on the inside much like a family, with alliances, polarizations, and conflict

Your core Self is shown here at the centre. Self is not a part. It’s the YOU that isn’t a part, who can notice and listen to other parts.
The protective parts (managers and firefighters) protect the exiles who hold emotional pain, burdened beliefs and trauma memories. The protectors also try and keep exiles out of awareness in order to prevent us being overwhelmed by them.

The goals of IFS are:
To liberate parts from extreme roles
To help unburden parts that carry trauma/pain
To restore trust in Self leadership
To achieve more balance in the system

All of these things will help to calm your nervous system, improve emotional regulation, and can help reduce chronic symptoms – because parts can impact the body in a variety of ways including using, or even creating physical symptoms.

To learn more about your own internal system, I recommend the following books:
The One Inside by Tammy Sollenburger
The IFS Workbook by Richard Schwartz.

11/02/2026

💚I'm excited to announce that I've co-created a new Facebook group with some much loved colleagues of mine, Justine MindBody OT and Kat Gemson.

This group will have a general mindbody healing focus and we hope that there will be lots of discussion and peer support. Please come and join the conversation here:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/livingthework/

Group description:
"Founded by Justine Stull - Mindbody OT (she/her), Kat Gemson (she/her), and Phil de la Haye (he/him). This group is for those dedicated to relieving chronic pain and neuroplastic symptoms through developing relationships with ourselves and others.

We welcome both individuals navigating their own practice and practitioners working in this space into community and shared conversation around “Living the Work.”

The group’s founders are a healthcare practitioner, an educator, and a therapist who have lived experience with mindbody symptoms. This is a trauma-informed space, and we aim to be inclusive of diversity of all kinds."

09/02/2026

Are you abandoning yourself (or parts of yourself)?⁠
⁠
This is a theme that I see a lot in client work, and it’s also something I recognise in myself.⁠
I spent years abandoning myself at every possible opportunity, and in so many different ways: Parts of me tried to distract from my distress with intense relationships and codependency; through workaholism and obsessive hobbies and interests; by eating comfort food; by overexercising and counting calories; by taking drugs and binge drinking alcohol; by perfectionism and people pleasing.⁠
⁠
All of these distractions stopped me from looking inside and tending to the parts of me that were grieving, angry, fearful or abandoned. ⁠
Pain became one of the ways those parts tried to get my attention.

And the parts of me that used those strategies were only trying to protect me because the vulnerability they were protecting seemed too much for me to handle. But now I know that’s not true.
⁠
But old habits die hard.⁠
⁠
I still find those parts trying to steer me away and distract me sometimes. But now I recognise that urge for what it is, and I know it doesn’t serve me. So I gently bring my attention back to myself and my needs by asking the question: “How can I take care of myself today?”⁠ or “What am I trying not to feel?”
⁠

06/02/2026

Hands up if you like to be in control?
You are my people! Being in control makes some parts of me feel safer. But it's also exhausting trying to control things all the time (and often impossible).

I find these words from serenity prayer very comforting. I have them laminated and stuck on my bedroom wall... and on my fridge... and I also have a copy on the pinboard in my office. My brain needs lots of reminders :)
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
⁠
The need to control people and situations is a common personality trait or ‘part’ in people with chronic pain, and it is a trauma response - because we mistakenly believe that if we can make other people do certain things, or behave in certain ways, we can keep ourselves safe.⁠
⁠
But as with many of these maladaptive coping mechanisms, our attempts to control things ultimately harms us.⁠
⁠
When parts of us try to fix other people, or make them behave in a certain way, or try to control situations that are actually out of our control, it almost inevitably ends badly… in conflict, disappointment, or frustration. And you can drive yourself crazy trying (I speak from experience)⁠
⁠
Plus, the more you focus on what other people are doing, the more you are abandoning yourself.⁠
⁠
So, next time you feel yourself being drawn into controlling something you don’t really have control over, stop and ask yourself: “Why am I trying to control this person/situation? What am I afraid will happen if I don’t? and, What can I do right now to help myself feel better about this situation?”⁠
⁠
Turn your attention inwards instead of outwards, and save your energy for the things you CAN control. ⁠
⁠

05/02/2026

If you follow me primarily for mindbody healing related content you may want to skip this one. But if you are interested in IFS, parts work, and particularly in queer/trans issues (either as a member of that community, or as an ally) then this new podcast interview may be relevant for you.

Listen on YouTube or Spotify:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPkw1db8VjA
https://open.spotify.com/episode/7uUOXv6rznwIx5z7ixQH0d?si=0ae0b0e7c34248e4

Episode description:
In the first episode of 2026, Jude and Alessio are joined by Phil for a thoughtful conversation about pronouns, privilege, and complexity.

Rather than treating pronouns as a simple checkbox, this episode explores how they operate across different layers: inside our systems, in relationships, and within wider cultural and organisational contexts. The conversation stays with the reality that pronouns can be affirming, exposing, political, tender, and sometimes activating, often all at once.

Together, they reflect on choice and privilege in pronoun disclosure, the impact of misgendering, the limits of language, and why responsibility for inclusion can’t sit only with individuals.

This is a grounded, compassionate conversation for anyone navigating gender, identity, therapy spaces, or leadership and training environments.
In this episode:

Pronouns as internal, relational, and contextual
Different parts have different feelings about pronouns
Choice, safety, and the privilege of being gendered “correctly” by default
The impact of misgendering, even after disclosure
Pronouns as labels, and why being asked to declare them can feel jarring
Language, erasure, and gendered languages
Organisational responsibility vs individual labour
Pronoun invitations as harm prevention in training spaces

04/02/2026

“Why do I resist journalling/meditation when I know it’s good for me?”

It’s normal to have parts of us that resist self-care.

Resistance happens because we know that when we journal difficult stuff often comes up. Our default has always been to avoid feeling things, so of course there are parts of us that resist and procrastinate as a defence against vulnerability.

Who wants to spend twenty minutes sobbing their heart out, or feeling intense anger, or riding out a wave of nauseating shame when the alternative is to NOT feel it? Watching TV, or doing some laundry, or drinking half a bottle of wine instead seems like a far more appealing option in the moment when we have to make the choice.

This is why we have to keep reminding ourselves that there is a benefit to this healing work.
FEELING OUR FEELINGS WILL SET US FREE!
It will reduce our symptoms and improve our physical and our mental wellbeing.

But it’s tough when we’re faced with that choice every day: to let our feelings rise or to stuff them down and ignore them. The latter is the easier option.
So get curious about the parts of you that resist, and that will help you understand and practice self-compassion about it. Recognise that this work is hard, and try and be kind to yourself about your avoidance. You’re not failing if you struggle to be consistent.

02/02/2026

Do you have an active inner critic, or inner taskmaster? (I have both and they sometimes work together to beat me up on the inside).
Do you habitually judge yourself and find yourself wanting?
Can you see what an exhausting way this is to live?

These parts of your personality are usually a product of early stress or trauma and are a desperate need to win affection or approval in order to keep you safe from a perceived threat.

But there are often other parts in the system that react to these highly driven, critical parts with pain, fatigue, or depression as a way of forcing you to slow down.

>Befriend your inner critic
>Try and appreciate its good intentions
>Tell it that you’re a grown up now
>Let it know that you’ve got this
>See if it will trust you to be in charge so it can take a break

30/01/2026

“I want to go deep in my journalling, but I can’t feel any emotion. Help!”

If this is true for you, stop, breathe and reassure yourself that it’s okay. You’re not getting it wrong.

Your unconscious is still fearful and doesn't want those feelings to rise just yet even if your conscious mind is desperate to get on with feeling and healing. Don't fight too hard because that will only make you feel more unsafe.

It’s normal for parts of you to block emotion as a protective response. In the past you may have been shamed for your emotions, or they may have drawn negative attention in other ways. Or parts might believe that you will be overwhelmed by the strength of them, or that once you start crying you won’t be able to stop. Or that if you acknowledge your anger it might be dangerous or harmful.

All of these concerns are normal and understandable.

Keep going, but be gentle. Think of it as an archaeological dig. You don't go in with earth moving equipment or you’ll cause damage. It’s better to brush the earth away gently and slowly to reveal the secrets that are hiding there.

If you sense that parts of you are blocking emotion, start by exploring that.
Why do big feelings seem so dangerous?
What might happen if you allow yourself to feel them?

28/01/2026

Pain that sticks around or keeps recurring after the normal healing time (typically 8-12 weeks depending on the injury) is almost always a mindbody issue.

My physio couldn’t explain why my shoulder persisted for months after what was thought to be a minor injury. I did all the exercises diligently, but the pain only got worse. Then it started spreading into my neck and upper back. When it finally settled down, I got the same pain in the other shoulder for no apparent reason. Of course I tried to find explanations. “Maybe I slept on it wrong?” “Maybe I overdid it when I was gardening?” But now I understand that none of that makes sense from a functional perspective.

The piece of the puzzle I was missing, is that chronic stress was keeping my muscles constantly tight. And my oversensitized nervous system was interpreting the feeling of tightness and translating it into pain.

Pain is an output of the brain, not an experience in your body. Our brains create pain when they believe we are in danger. The pain is a signal for us to hide away somewhere and give ourselves time to heal.

These symptoms occurred during a very difficult time in my life, and my brain was trying to protect me by giving me pain to keep me ‘safe’. Once I understood this process and started to address my anxiety and internal stress; and began to allow myself to befriend all the different parts of my personality and feel what they were feeling, my pain started to fade.

28/01/2026

Are you interested in learning about how to use IFS (parts work) with journalling for mindbody healing and emotional wellbeing?

My next workshop is on Saturday 21st February, 4pm - 6pm UK time (11am - 1pm EST)

I keep the group small to allow for connection and sharing as well as learning, so there are just 8 spots available.
Book your place here:
https://buytickets.at/phildelahayeifs/2040270

FULL DETAILS:
Get to know the different parts of yourself, to reduce distress and create more internal harmony.

Join with me (Phil de la Haye) and a small group of participants (maximum 8 people) to learn about the basic principles of Internal Family Systems, and how you can begin to use IFS to support a therapeutic journalling practice for mindbody wellness.

This workshop will offer the opportunity to:
* Learn the fundamental principles of IFS and how it can support a journalling practice
* Learn how parts can impact the body
* Explore your own parts through an experiential exercise
* Connect and share with me and the other folk in the group
�This is a live online workshop held on Zoom. No recording will be provided after the event, but you will receive copies of the slides and a handout based on the content.

I will be starting with the IFS basics, so no prior knowledge of IFS is required.
�This workshop will be focused on the emotional work of self-discovery and self-compassion. It's primarily aimed at folks who are already using journalling to support mindbody healing, so there is an assumption that you are already familiar with the mindbody approach.

Here’s what some of the previous participants had to say about it…

“Phil has a calm, authentic and empathic presence. I loved the sense of connection and community from the workshop. I also found the experiential exercise particularly powerful and helpful.”

“The class was informative AND restorative, very nice combination that left me feeling more connected to myself. Thank you!”

“I would thoroughly recommend this workshop to anyone who wants to gain a greater understanding or anyone without any knowledge on IFS. Phil’s calm compassionate approach puts you at ease, and I’m definitely going to be implementing this more into my healing routine.”

If you go to book and it's already full, there will be the opportunity to join a wait list in case any spots become available. If you'd like to be sure of hearing about any future offerings from me as soon as they become available, please sign up for my newsletter:
https://phildelahaye.com/e-book-email-signup/

Phil de la Haye IFS

16/02/2026

13/02/2026

11/02/2026

11/02/2026

09/02/2026

06/02/2026

05/02/2026

04/02/2026

02/02/2026

30/01/2026

28/01/2026

28/01/2026

Address

Website

Alerts

Shortcuts

Share

Category