26/11/2025
🌪️ THE TRUTH NOBODY WANTS TO TALK ABOUT IN FAMILY BREAKDOWNS…
(But we have to — if we want things to change)
Abuse isn’t an issue that only affects women — and alienation isn’t an issue that only affects men.
Just because I specialise in supporting women does not mean I’m blind to the reality:
💔 These issues impact both genders
💔 They destroy families
💔 And they leave children carrying trauma that wasn’t theirs to hold
These problems don’t just appear.
They’re created, shaped, and often passed down — through behaviour, silence, and systems that fail to educate or intervene.
❓💥 So what creates a person capable of abusing or coercively controlling?
It rarely starts in adulthood.
It starts with:
💣 Unresolved childhood trauma
🧠 Witnessing abuse and learning it as “normal”
🧩 Poor emotional literacy — never learning how to regulate emotions
😔 Attachment wounds and insecurity
⚡ A belief that control equals safety
🌀 A lack of early education around healthy communication and boundaries
We cannot prevent abuse if we don’t talk about how abusers are made.
👇💔 Why do some parents sabotage co-parenting or alienate the other parent?
Underneath the behaviour, there’s often:
😨 Deep fear and abandonment wounds
🔥 Unprocessed anger and betrayal
🎭 A need for power, control, or validation
💷 Hidden agendas — legal, emotional, or financial
🗣️ Influence from friends, family, or professionals who fuel conflict
🧠 Lack of coping skills to manage intense emotions after separation
Understanding this doesn’t excuse it — but it does expose the roots.
🚫🧾 And yes, false allegations and alienation DO happen
Not always out of malice — sometimes out of:
😰 Misinterpretation
🩹 Trauma-driven hypervigilance
🧮 Strategic misuse of the system
⚖️ Emotional dysregulation
🎯 Intentional alienation tactics
The damage to children and the targeted parent is profound.
Alienation is psychological harm — and its impact can last decades.
👶💭 And the children… the ones who see, hear, absorb EVERYTHING
Children caught in high-conflict dynamics face:
😟 Anxiety
💭 Confusion and loyalty conflicts
😞 Depression
🔍 Identity and attachment struggles
🧨 Trauma that repeats in their relationships later in life
Families break — but children shatter.
⚖️🕳️ And then we look at family courts…
A system designed to resolve conflict —
yet often ends up deepening it due to:
🏛️ Lack of transparency
📉 Limited understanding of coercive control AND alienation
🔁 Parents weaponising the process
🗣️ Children’s voices inconsistently valued
🩹 Not enough psychological insight, too much legal adversarial strategy
We need systems that heal — not systems that divide.
🔍🔥 So here are the REAL questions we MUST start asking if we want a different future:
These questions aren’t about family court.
They’re about prevention — stopping the cycle before it starts.
🧠 1. Why aren’t children taught emotional regulation, conflict resolution and boundaries from an early age?
We teach maths, not how to manage anger, fear, or rejection.
❤️🩹 2. Why don’t we educate young people about healthy relationships, power dynamics and coercive control?
Prevention is impossible without awareness.
👁️ 3. Why do we ignore children who are witnessing abuse or manipulation in the home?
Silence shapes futures.
🧬 4. Why aren’t we intervening earlier when children show signs of trauma, insecurity or emotional dysregulation?
Early support changes adult behaviour.
👫 5. Why is post-separation education not mandatory for parents?
Co-parenting skills could prevent half the conflict we see.
🛑 6. Why aren't we focusing on the ROOT causes — not the symptoms — of abusive or alienating behaviour?
Court orders don’t change people.
Education, therapy, and prevention do.
🌱 7. How do we create a society where emotional intelligence is as important as academic intelligence?
Because emotionally healthy children become emotionally healthy adults.
Emotionally healthy adults don’t abuse, coercively control, or alienate.
⚡ If we want to stop abuse and alienation, we must stop creating adults who weren’t taught how to be safe humans.
Education is prevention.
Awareness is prevention.
Support is prevention.
And prevention will always be more powerful than punishment.
