21/10/2025
When your child calls themselves dumb because of how they’ve been made to feel at school, you know the system has failed them.
I hear Harley (my 14-year-old son) say this over and over again, and as a parent, it breaks my heart and also fills
me with anger!
He says it with sincerity… it’s not just a flippant comment. He genuinely believes it! (even though he gets plenty of pep talks from his Mum)
He wasn’t born with those beliefs. He didn’t go into school with those beliefs.
The pressure on our kids is, in my eyes, neglect. Teachers who went into this job because they love children and want to help them, are now under so much pressure to make these kids fit into boxes they were never meant to fit in. I know the effect it has on them.
And I can’t help but think – what’s the bloody point of it all?
All I know is this is not how we should be raising our children.
We should be helping them discover their interests, their passions, their own unique gifts… the things that make them feel alive. This is where people find purpose and peace. This is what helps humanity thrive. Not being forced to sit at a table from six years old onwards to take tests!
It’s hard, because I’m not ungrateful.
I know how lucky we are to have access to education and the opportunities it can bring. But it’s painful to see the light go from my boy’s eyes when he’s at school, and return the moment he’s not there.
It could be different. So much different. But it would mean every adult who teaches would have to unlearn everything the system has conditioned them to do and be.
Maybe that’s why this hits so deeply… because I’ve spent the last ten years unlearning so much of what I was taught about who I should be too.
The school system teaches us to perform, to please, to fit in. But healing, for me, has been about remembering who I was before all that.
As a therapist, I’ve sat with so many adults who still remember exactly how they were made to feel by their teachers—both the ones who saw them, and the ones who made them feel small.
I’ve spoken to SO MANY CLIENTS who were told they were stupid (directly or indirectly), and they’ve carried that belief into every area of their lives. That early conditioning runs deep.
Now, working as a part-time teaching assistant, I see it from the other side. There’s nothing more fulfilling than being around children who are allowed to be curious, creative, and playful. That’s when they thrive. When they’re seen as whole little humans, not just statistics to be measured (and have their self-worth damaged in the process).
I don’t even know what the point of this post is. I just needed to get it out. I know I’m not the only one who feels this way.
Maybe that’s the point, though? To remember that we can unlearn, relearn, and choose differently. For ourselves. And for our kids.
Soph X
