Stool Withholding Help

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Stool Withholding Help

🌟 Dr Kate McGarry 🧠 Developmental Psychologist 📖 Check out my book for support and guidance ⬇️

07/03/2026

When a Child Resists Potty Training 🚽

Resistance during potty training is incredibly common, and it usually isn’t about a child being “difficult.” Often, it’s a sign that something feels overwhelming, uncertain, or out of their control.

You may see particularly strong resistance in children who are withholding poo. This is often because they have experienced discomfort, pain or uncertainty when passing a stool before. Children quickly learn to avoid anything they associate with that feeling, so sitting on the potty or toilet can start to feel stressful or unsafe. When adults encourage them to sit, their instinct may be to resist, avoid, or hold on even more.

This means their resistance isn’t defiance, it’s usually an attempt to protect themselves from something their body remembers as uncomfortable.

Toileting is also one of the first areas where children experience real autonomy. When they feel pressured, rushed, or worried about getting it wrong, resistance can become their way of holding on to some control.

Here are a few gentle ways to respond:

1. Pause the pressure
If potty training has become a battle, take a step back. Reducing pressure often reduces resistance.

2. Focus on emotional safety
Children need to feel safe to learn. Stay calm, neutral, and reassuring—even if accidents happen.

3. Give them some control
Offer small choices:
• “Do you want to try the potty now or after your book?”
• “Would you like the small potty or the toilet with the seat?”

4. Notice effort, not just success
Celebrate trying, sitting, or telling you they need to go. Progress happens in small steps.

5. Look for what might be underneath
Resistance can sometimes be linked to fear, constipation, past pain, big life changes, or feeling pressured.

Potty training isn’t a race. When children feel supported rather than pushed, confidence grows and progress follows. 🌱

06/03/2026

The RULER method is an evidence-based approach to emotional intelligence developed by researchers at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. It helps children (and adults!) learn how to notice, understand, and manage their emotions.

This is especially helpful during toileting challenges like withholding, accidents, or toilet anxiety — because big feelings often sit underneath what looks like “behaviour”.

Here’s how parents can use RULER in real toilet-related moments 👇

🚽 R – Recognise
Notice the emotional cues.
“Your body looks tense and you’re crossing your legs. I wonder if you might be feeling worried about doing a poo.”

🧠 U – Understand
Explore what might be causing the feeling.
“Sometimes it can feel scary if a poo has hurt before. Your body might remember that.”

💬 L – Label
Help your child put a name to the feeling.
“Are you feeling nervous? Or maybe a bit unsure about sitting on the toilet?”

❤️ E – Express
Show that emotions are safe to share.
“It’s okay to tell me if you’re feeling worried about pooing. Lots of children feel that way sometimes.”

🌱 R – Regulate
Support your child with strategies to help their body feel calmer.
“Let’s take some slow breaths together and sit with your feet supported. Your body can relax and let the poo come out when it’s ready.”

When children feel understood and emotionally safe, their bodies can relax which is essential for healthy toileting.

🚽💛

02/03/2026

💩 Childhood constipation affects 1 in 3 children

If your toddler is refusing to poo, hiding to hold it in, or struggling with painful bowel movements you are not alone

👉 Up to 25% of paediatric referrals are for constipation-related issues.
👉 Most cases happen during potty training (ages 2–3).
👉 95% of cases are functional constipation — meaning there’s no underlying medical reason, but poo withholding behaviours are present.

🚩 Signs your child may be stool withholding

💩 Infrequent or painful poos
💩 Large stools that clog the toilet
💩 Skid marks or soiling
💩 Hiding, stiffening, or refusing to sit on the toilet

Stool withholding is one of the most common causes of childhood constipation yet the behaviour behind it is often missed.

When we only treat the constipation and not the fear, pain, or habits causing withholding, the cycle continues.

🚀 Support is available

If you’re navigating toddler constipation, potty training struggles, or poo withholding, there are evidence-based strategies that can help.

💬 Comment “GUIDE” and I’ll send you the link to my practical parent guide with strategies to support your child.

You’re not failing. Your child isn’t being difficult. This is common and support works ❤️

27/02/2026

💬 LIVE REPLAY: The Physical & Psychological Sides of Stool Withholding

Stool withholding is more than “just constipation.” It’s a complex cycle involving the body, the nervous system, fear, and learned behaviours. In this in-depth live, I’m joined by paediatric physical therapist Dr Hannah Kloosterman, who specialises in constipation and withholding, to break down what’s really happening — and how parents can support their child with confidence.

👩‍⚕️ In this session we cover:✔️ Why children withhold stools even when they need to go✔️ The physical impact on the bowel and pelvic floor✔️ How fear, pain, and anxiety reinforce the cycle✔️ Signs your child may be withholding✔️ Gentle, evidence-based strategies to help

This is essential viewing for parents, carers, and professionals supporting children with toileting difficulties, chronic constipation, or stool withholding.

🎥 Watch the replay and feel empowered with knowledge that supports both the body and the mind.

👉 Tap follow for more evidence-based toileting support and guidance.

26/02/2026

I’m so grateful to families who take the time to share their experiences — your feedback means the world and gives hope to other parents going through the same challenges.

Supporting children with stool withholding is about more than toileting — it’s about reducing anxiety, building confidence, and restoring calm for the whole family.

This testimonial shows what’s possible with the right support, a child-friendly plan, and strategies tailored to your child’s unique needs. If your child is struggling with poo withholding, constipation, or fear of the toilet, you are not alone — and the right guidance can make all the difference.

Early support can prevent long-term stress and help your child develop healthy, confident toileting habits.

✨ Tap the link in my bio to learn more about my consultations and book in with me.

25/02/2026

Disimpaction regime: what should poo look like? 💩

If you’re starting a bowel disimpaction regime for children, you might be wondering what you’re actually aiming for. Here’s a simple guide using the common term “rusty tea” stool 👇

During disimpaction for constipation, the goal is a:
✨ watery consistency
✨ translucent “rusty/dirty water” appearance
✨ nothing sticky or formed

You may see flecks of undigested food — that’s normal.
What you don’t want are grainy bits of old stool.

⚠️ Don’t get too hung up on colour. Stool colour can vary with diet, from child to child, and even between disimpactions.

✅ Keep going until you see two consecutive rusty-tea poos — this is a strong sign the bowel is clear.
➡️ At that point, reduce to your maintenance dose as advised.

Saving this can help you feel more confident about what to expect during your child’s constipation treatment.

24/02/2026

Supporting a child who withholds can feel confusing and worrying — and the way we respond can make a huge difference.
This carousel breaks down what not to say during stool withholding and what to say instead to reduce fear, build trust, and make toileting feel safer and more manageable.
Many common phrases accidentally add pressure or shame, even when we’re trying our best to help. Reframing our language with calm, body‑based explanations supports regulation and helps children feel more in control.
If you want a clear, evidence‑based overview of what stool withholding actually is — along with practical, realistic strategies to tackle it — I’ve put everything together in my book Stool Withholding: A Practical Guide for Parents.

👉 Comment “GUIDE” and I’ll DM you the link.

22/02/2026

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

When toileting feels overwhelming, the right support can make all the difference.

Squiggy the Poo helps children understand their bodies, reduce anxiety, and feel more confident using the toilet — all through a fun, engaging story they actually want to read.

Trusted by parents. Loved by kids. Backed by developmental psychology.

If your child struggles with pooing on the toilet, you are not alone and gentle, playful support works. 💛

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