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Sarah O’Callaghan Therapy, Quadrus Business Centre, Boldon (2026)

15/02/2026

Nothing like a four-month gap in blogging to show I’m a very busy, very imperfect parent! 🙈

I’m back with some reflections on pre-teens and tricky feelings- those moments that are messy, emotional, and very real.

Recently, my son reached his limit at rugby after weeks of being bullied. We acknowledged his frustration and how overwhelming it felt for him, but we were also firm that lashing out isn’t acceptable, and there were clear consequences.

Finding the balance between understanding their emotions and holding boundaries is one of the hardest parts of parenting at this stage.

We’ve known the benefits of this approach for years. From my experience as a former eating disorder nurse, calm but firm, direct but nurturing, boundaries paired with compassion have always worked. It’s not about terminology or trends- it’s about consistency, empathy, and modelling resilience, even on the messy days.

Just in time for Children’s Mental Health Week, a reminder that showing up, setting limits, and supporting our children through big feelings really matters.

💛 I’d love to know if any of this resonates with you - let me know what you think! Link in bio and on stories.

29/01/2026

These are things I hear all the time in therapy — the “Hall of Fame” of parent thoughts:

💭 “I’ve always been a worrier — it’s just who I am.”
Worry is a coping mechanism, not a personality type. Your brain is just trying to keep everyone safe.

💭 “It’s easier if I just do it myself.”
Taking control feels efficient, but it’s exhausting. Delegating is self-care, not weakness.

💭 “Other people have it worse.”
Comparing yourself silences your own struggles. Your feelings matter.

💭 “Am I damaging them?”
Occasional frustration doesn’t define you. Repairing and reflecting is what counts.

💭 “I need to try harder next time.”
Perfectionism traps you. Growth comes from learning and compassion- not self-punishment.

💭 “If I don’t plan/do everything, I’ve failed them.”
You’re human. You cannot control everything — and you don’t have to.

💭 “I must be selfish for needing a break.”
Breaks aren’t selfish. They recharge your brain and your patience and arguably make you a better parent because of it.

💭 “My partner doesn’t listen, they just try to fix it.”
Sometimes you don’t need solutions. You just need to be heard.

💛 You’re human. You’re doing enough.

If these feel familiar, therapy can help you feel lighter while still being the parent you want to be.

📩 DM me or visit my website in 🔗 — the struggle can be temporary

28/01/2026

Perfectionist mums often hold themselves to impossible standards: calm, patient, and “getting it right” every moment. But when your child cries or pushes your limits, your body reacts faster than your mind can manage. That sigh, snap, or raised tone you regret isn’t a moral failing — it’s your nervous system doing its job.

In therapy, we’ll explore how this perfectionism shows up in your parenting and help you:

👉Understand why your nervous system reacts before your mind catches up.

👉Notice and interrupt rumination loops that leave you exhausted and guilty.

👉Separate your intentions from the inevitable “messy moments” of parenting.

👉Recognise how societal expectations and generational patterns shape your parenting beliefs.

👉Learn strategies to respond with connection, not self-criticism.

👉Rebuild confidence in your ability to parent with warmth and presence.

You don’t have to be perfect to be a good parent — you just need guidance, awareness, and support. Therapy can help you feel more calm, confident, and present, even on the hardest days. 💚

CBTforMums SelfCompassion NervousSystemAwareness ParentingWithoutPerfection

27/01/2026

Being a perfectionist parent often comes from the best of intentions. We want our children to have everything we felt we missed, or to avoid repeating mistakes from our own childhood. We work hard, plan meticulously, and try to do everything “right.”

But children don’t experience perfection the way we intend. They notice the stress, the self-criticism, and the pressure we place on ourselves. Often, they interpret it as: “I need to be perfect too,” “Mistakes aren’t safe,” or “Love depends on getting it right.”

The truth is, perfectionism doesn’t make us better parents — it can slowly shape how children see themselves and the world. Showing our mistakes, modelling self-compassion, and emphasising effort over flawless outcomes teaches something far more valuable: It’s okay to be human. We can make mistakes and still be loved.

Parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence, authenticity, and connection. Softening our grip on “perfect” isn’t failing our children — it’s giving them the greatest gift: a model for resilience, self-acceptance, and confidence.

Struggling to put this into practice? Drop me a DM or visit link in bio to have free enquiry call this week 📞

25/01/2026

I was listening to Ant and Dec on talk about parenting and Dec said he read the books because he really wanted to get it right.

And I just thought… yeah. That’s so many parents.

Most parents I work with aren’t doing nothing — they’re trying really hard. Reading, listening, following all the advice. And there is lots of good guidance out there.
But guidance isn’t a rule book.

It’s not saying:

“If you ever lose your patience, you’ve ruined everything.”
Or:
“You must never do it differently again.”

Knowing what you’re meant to do and being able to do it in real life — when you’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and triggered — are two very different things.

So many perfectionist parents are incredibly harsh on themselves for not doing things ‘by the book’. But changing patterns is hard. We don’t come into parenting as blank slates — we bring our own experiences, beliefs, and baggage with us.

And having kids brings up stuff we didn’t even know was there.

So if you’re thinking, “I know what I should be doing, but I can’t always do it” — that doesn’t mean you’re failing.
It means you’re human.

Parenting isn’t about getting it right all the time.

It’s about noticing, repairing, and being a bit kinder to yourself when it feels hard 🤍

Therapy helps you uncover what’s stopping you feeling like you aren’t doing enough- whether it’s engrained beliefs from earlier life experiences, working on self compassion, emotional regulation or experimenting with ways in which you previously dare not try for fear of failure….

To chat further about what’s holding you back and how to make the changes DM me or book a consultation call via my website in link in bio 📧

24/01/2026

💜 Perfectionism isn’t about doing better than anyone else

For many parents, it’s the voice inside saying:
“If it’s not perfect, it’s unsafe or unacceptable.”

It’s a learned safety strategy — a way your brain and body have tried to keep you safe. But it comes at a cost: constant tension, guilt, and the feeling that nothing is ever enough.

The goal isn’t working harder or doing better. It’s learning you can lower the bar and still feel safe, loved, and good enough.

📞If you’d like support with perfectionism and parenting, visit the link in bio for a free consultation call.

23/01/2026

I’m profoundly grateful for my core training and university education. Two degrees, postgraduate training, and a range of further therapeutic trainings — EMDR, ACT, CBT, and even Parental Burnout Practitioner certification — would suggest I’m a decent bet for anyone looking for therapy.

But what’s really shaped me as a therapist isn’t my qualifications or academic ability — it’s the work I’ve been doing for 22 years.

Starting as a support worker after my first degree, I worked with people with physical disabilities, learning the subtle nuances of human connection and communication. I supported children with major mental health disorders and their distraught families, managed escalating situations, and learned how to hold people in their most desperate moments.

Leadership roles in healthcare and therapy training have refined my approach, but the core of what makes me effective was forged in those early years of front-line work.

The lesson I bring into every session is simple: therapy works because of connection, communication, and trust. That’s my hill — the therapeutic relationship is everything.

My qualifications matter, but it’s the experience I’ve gained over decades that allows me to truly see, hear, and hold the people who come to me.

I do therapy differently to how it’s taught. It’s not traditional — but it’s ethical, human, and accessible.

16/01/2026

When I saw this trend, I didn’t think 2016 was that remarkable (Other than getting married.)

Starting the new year well into my first maternity leave and almost ready to return to work. I was working as a mental health nurse in a specialist Children’s Eating Disorder Team - one of the best teams I’ve ever worked in. This was before I trained as a therapist, before motherhood had really reshaped everything and before I had the skills to make sense of a lot of things.

Looking back, it wasn’t one big moment that stands out but how fast life was moving and how little I noticed.

Baby-led weaning. Counting naps and feeds. Constantly on the go. Not realising I could slow down… or make mistakes and it would be ok.

The small things felt huge — the first coffee alone while my friends were at work, a tiny bit of space that was just mine.

Looking back, 2016 wasn’t remarkable for what I achieved (although there were certainly lots of achievements!) but for how much life was changing. It was the year I started learning how to hold it all at once- however I still wasn’t ready to let myself off the hook and this certainly became a lot more difficult when my son arrived in 2017!

10 years- and I’m still learning to slow down 🙂

13/01/2026

‘You’re making a rod for your own back’
😬🙄🚫 Bore off.

This comment is so common — and yet so lacking in both creativity and accuracy.

As a therapist working with high-achieving, perfectionist parents, this is just one of a handful of phrases that regularly show up in the therapy room. Others sound like “you’re being too soft,” “they should be coping by now,” or “this will come back to bite you later.”

And here’s why these comments are so hard to let go of — psychologically:

🔹 They activate guilt.
Guilt is a powerful social emotion designed to keep us in line with perceived expectations. When someone implies you’re “setting yourself up for failure,” your nervous system hears I’ve done something wrong.

🔹 They trigger relational trauma.
For many parents, especially those with histories of criticism, conditional approval, or emotional unpredictability, these comments echo earlier experiences of being judged or not good enough. The past leaks into the present.

🔹 They feed perfectionism.
Perfectionism isn’t about high standards — it’s about fear. Fear of future blame. Fear of being responsible for harm. Comments like this reinforce the belief that one “wrong” decision will have lasting consequences.

🔹 They bypass context.
Real parenting happens in relationship, not in rigid rules. These comments ignore temperament, neurodiversity, attachment, capacity, and the fact that parenting is not a one-size-fits-all experiment.

No — you’re not making a rod for your own back.
You’re responding to your child, in your context, with the resources you have.

💛💛💛💛

04/01/2026

😍 Where I’ve been and where I’m heading this year 😍

It’s been a little quiet here lately — what was meant to be a short break turned into an accidental six-week hiatus.

Life asked for my attention elsewhere: I had flu just before Christmas, then a wonderfully full holiday, complete with sibling arguments that kept me on my toes! 🫣 Behind the scenes, I’ve also been closing negotiations on my new premises in the North East — an exciting step I can’t wait to share more about soon.

During this time, I realised that daily posts, even when scheduled, kept my head in my phone and away from what really matters to me — presence with my family, and being aligned with my values as a therapist. I’m learning that I don’t need to plough away at something every day to show up, especially when the work I love is already here.

So, Instagram will look a little different from me this year — I’ll be posting for connection, updates, and enjoyment, rather than feeling like I have to keep up with an algorithm.

I’m feeling ready to reconnect with both old clients and new ones this week, and I’m so grateful for this balance as I move forward. I’ll also be sharing more about my new business in the coming weeks — if you live in the North East, there will be a range of services from myself and other professionals, so feel free to give my page a follow.

Here’s to showing up differently, more gently, and in alignment with what matters most. 💛

11/11/2025

💜 MUMS! 💜

If I had a £ for every time someone mentions guilt as an overwhelming emotion day to day with their little ones I’d be a very rich woman!

But I’d be a millionaire if I had a £ everyone mentioned guilt when they REST 💵

We are so deeply conditioned to see rest as laziness… often through our own upbringing through caregivers not having awareness of their own dysregulated nervous systems.

You’ve learned to equate your worth with productivity, and slowing down feels unsafe- even if logically you know you are safe.

But your nervous system can’t heal in motion.
Rest isn’t a luxury — it’s maintenance.

Here’s what I’d focus on if you’re finding it hard to stop:
🧠 Notice the guilt without judging it
☕ Reframe rest as maintenance, not reward
🌿 Start micro — 5–10 minute pauses count
💛 Notice the difference it makes
🫶 Give yourself daily permission to rest

You don’t need to earn your downtime.
You need to allow it.

✨ The goal isn’t to do more — it’s to feel safe doing less.

29/10/2025

💥 Are you being judged? Or are you judging you? 💥

Some days it feels like you’re juggling a million things just to prove you’re coping. Checking, planning, tidying and overthinking… all because you’re worried someone might judge you.

Resting, asking for help, or letting things be a little messy doesn’t make you a failure. It makes you human. 💛

You are already enough — even if the house isn’t perfect, the laundry isn’t done, or the to-do list keeps growing.

✨ Take a breath, let go of the invisible weight, and remember: you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. You’re doing enough.

Sarah O’Callaghan Therapy

15/02/2026

29/01/2026

28/01/2026

27/01/2026

25/01/2026

24/01/2026

23/01/2026

16/01/2026

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11/11/2025

29/10/2025

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