22/01/2026
Kay Duffield
Person-centred and CBT Counsellor
AUTISM AND SADNESS
As a practitioner/Counsellor I have noted that a significant number of individuals with autism have presented with a deep, profound sadness over the years.
Some people have expressed a desire to move out of this state, this stuckness and to move forward and onward with their lives. Whilst others have appeared to enjoy this state.
I have conducted a little research and concluded that this is not uncommon for a number of factors. Although I am not an expert in Autism, I do have extensive hours of working with, supporting and counselling individuals with autism. Therefore, I hope that the following will be useful for anyone experiencing a state of being stuck in sadness.
Some autistic individuals experience a sadness that is very deep and prolonged. There can be a “comfort” in this state. A comfort in the sad emotions or feeling where they feel a familiarity. It can become the only place or way to process feelings, thoughts and emotions.
Some individuals may also have Alexithymia. This means they have an inability or struggle to understand, feel or express emotions. They may have a combination of all three.
Processing sadness becomes confusing and difficult to navigate and people become “stuck” taking days, weeks, months or even years to process how an event/events made them feel and how these events impacted on them.
An autistic person may experience delays in processing; this may be a part of life. This “holding” of an unfamiliar or unclear emotional state can be very confusing and they may even want to “fill in the gaps” to make sense of it all. Filling in the gaps may lead to an incorrect interpretation of the events.
Rumination, repetitive or intrusive thoughts can play a big part in this state of “stuckness”. These thoughts may become routine, almost obsessive, they can become loops or cycles of the same thoughts and may be difficult for the individual to break. They may be very old thoughts. They may not even be their own thoughts but thoughts from another individual.
Executive function issues may also play a part in staying in stuckness.
Flexible thinking may be hard to do, increasing or perpetuating the thoughts. Impulse control may be difficult, making it very difficult to break the loops. Emotional control may be sketchy, never learned or impossible. Self-monitoring may lead to shame, blame, embarrassment or feelings of being humiliated. This can come from an inability to understand social cues or responses from others.
Some Autistic individuals may come to feel “enjoyment” from this state of sadness. It can be comforting, it supports them, helps them to self-regulate or becomes a safe space in their mind to explore in private, do a “deep dive” into themselves.
When I first encountered this, I became concerned for the individuals and always considered depression, possibly burnout (autistic or not). If I was working with a child, I would ask the parent to visit the GP as soon as possible. If it was an adult, I would consider if they were at risk.
As safeguarding is everyone’s responsibility, quite rightly I will still consider this, however, I have a new found way of considering what is going on in this state of sadness that needs further exploration and can work this alongside a consideration of risk if this is an issue.
I now have a better way of understanding how sadness can affect individuals with autism, how it can become a comfort and even enjoyable.
If this state is causing harm, causing stuckness or leading to an inability to move forward and is distressing, I feel the person involved has an opportunity to work through it.
Therapy can help. we can look at and use techniques to support with this. This may Involve grounding and mindfulness, looking at lifestyle and boundaries and when your metaphorical cup is overflowing. We can look at how acceptance of self and others may help and how self-compassion and self-forgiveness goes a long way.
