Meriel Camara - Transforming Relational Trauma

10/03/2024

Another happy client...

05/03/2024

Its official, I've started seeing clients! And the results are blowing my mind!

25/11/2023

The one surprise thing that has helped me the most when it comes to recovering from relational trauma, that had nothing to do with somatics, parts work or any other therapy.

TBH I had no idea this one thing would make such a huge difference for me but here it is:

I simply made a commitment to myself that I would GO OUTSIDE EVERY DAY of the summer holidays, with my son.

Yep. That’s it. Nothing earth shattering. No HUGE change to my lifestyle. No complex theory or advanced therapeutic skills required.

Just that one simple switch made all the difference for me because getting outside every day turned out to be about so much more than leaving the house. It meant that we got sunshine, fresh air, time in nature, exercise; we reached out to a whole heap of friends; went places that my social anxiety, covid and chronic fatigue had kept us from for years; made precious memories together; had new experiences and learned together. And it got me away from my damned computer screen! And him away from his! It was a win, win, win, win, win, win etc…

If you think this might be helpful for you and want to give it a try, post ‘I’M IN!’ in the comments so I can cheer you on and give you some more ideas.

24/11/2023

Survivors of gaslighting, whether it took place in an intimate relationship, family or wider society, are taught that their feelings are invalid. They are wrong. There is no space for them here. They must be erased. Your natural expression of yourself is unacceptable.

Recovering from the damage that does to your sense of who you are, how you speak up and what boundaries you set takes time, determination, courage and a skillful therapist.

But we can start right here by declaring from the roof tops that your feelings are simply feelings, they are valid purely because they exist, and nobody gets to tell you otherwise.

What you do with them is another matter, but that's for an entirely different post...

23/11/2023

21/11/2023

I accidentally stumbled into some training outside my trauma comfort zone and heard one of the world’s leading ’experts’ on personality disorders saying these words:

"Attachment style is genetic, it has nothing to do with upbringing."

"Personality disorders have nothing to do with adverse life experiences” but also "those who are street homeless or recovering from substance addiction have the highest prevalence of personality disorders”

"People with personality disorders are incomplete human beings with inadequate personalities. They’re just born this way. Trying to fix them doesn’t work because there is nothing in there to fix."

"We can’t trust trauma survivors to self disclose their abuse because memory is the most unreliable form of evidence."

What absolute bu****it.

This is one of the guys who writes the DSM, the diagnostic bible that dictates which labels are attached to whom. He seems to be unaware of vast reams of research that contradict his view.

This is the root of all that is wrong with the DSM.

I’ve never met anyone who was diagnosed with a personality disorder, or recovering from addiction, who didn’t have a history of severe trauma (which is absolutely treatable, if the person wants to be treated).

I’ve worked with countless adults and children who were turned away from mental health services because ‘we don’t work with trauma/attachment/personality because it’s not mental health’

F**k the pathologising, dehumanising labels.

In parts work, we understand these conditions from a completely different perspective: as attempts by aspects of the personality to help us survive threatening situations and protect us from re-experiencing that pain.

I’m no PD expert, but Dick Schwartz, the creator of the most famous model - IFS, firmly believes that nobody is too broken to be beyond repair. Even those who have experienced horrific abuse can still connect with a place inside them that is a source of love, compassion kindness and care, from which they can source their own healing.

So I reject this nonsense and hold true to that which shows the deepest of respect and appreciation for the inherent intelligence of so-called symptoms.

20/11/2023

This is one of the most common misconceptions in the mental health and wellbeing space and its past time it got busted, so here's some science...

Humans are pack animals, we cannot survive on our own, we are wired for social connection. We have sophisticated social messaging systems that operate in multiple ways, far beyond our conscious control, to pick up the emotions of those around us and replicate them within us.

Emotions can be generated by a part of the brain called the amygdala, which receives sensory input and assesses safety or threat then tells our body how to respond, before that sensory input has even arrived in our thinking brain. Don’t get me wrong, thoughts can get involved and whip up a whole heap of unnecessary suffering, but feelings absolutely come from without as well as within.

As we rely on other humans for our survival (throughout our lifespan, not just as helpless infants), and the greatest threat to humans actually comes from within our own species, we’ve developed a super intricate social engagement system to help us notice, attune to and respond to the feelings of others by subconsciously reading the ever shifting micro movements of the small muscles in the face. When we detect a relational rupture our body naturally responds with emotional pain, which motivates us to maintain and repair bonds with the others on whom our lives depend.

Humans are wired through the mirror neurons in our brains to replicate the behaviour, posture, facial expression, and therefore emotions, of those around us. This means that when one person reacts to threat, we react too; when someone is interested in us we can bond deeply; and when someone isn’t interested in us we see it clear as day without being told.

And we even attune to the vibrations of others through our nervous systems’ electromagnetic field. Sounds woo but you can totally measure it with an app on your smart phone. It’s magic.

So don’t go giving me that bu****it that you’re not responsible when your behaviour’s off key and I’m hurt. We’re all in this relationship thing together and I’m done with taking responsibility for other people's behaviour.

12/11/2023

I just love how Gabor Maté manages to distil the many complexities of trauma into this one simple statement. It really doesn't need to be much more complicated than this.

10/11/2023

This being human is a guest house.

Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honourably.

He may be clearing you out for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door, laughing, and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.