11/09/2022
I’ve been watching the Royals over the past couple of days and I can’t help but notice one thing.
Here is a family who have been taught that great British sentiment “Keep Calm & Carry On” and it makes me feel incredibly sad for them.
For they have had to learn to be so absolutely brilliant at doing it.
No matter that they have just lost their beloved Mum and Nan, the show must go on.
There are ceremonies to be had, prime-ministers to meet, the public to meet and shake hands with.
Hands up how many of you wonder how on Earth they do it? How they don’t just break down and cry over the enormity of their loss?
And yet so many of my clients, and especially the men, have developed the same “skills” over time.
No matter what heartbreak they have lived through, they just keep going. Until they don’t.
That’s usually when they end up sat opposite me, wondering why they have “broken down”.
Human beings are designed to FEEL. We have this amazing gift of so many different emotions to choose from in order to express ourselves.
And yet so many of us are brought up to block those feelings.
Especially Anger and Sadness.
Yet if we don’t express them, how can we possibly move on? Unexpressed emotions keep us stuck.
It’s encouraging to see that there are some
changes within the younger Royals.
Prince Harry and Megan have been brave enough to talk about their own struggles with mental health.
Prince William and Kate are both doing work to encourage us to open up about our mental health.
But I can’t help but think how much more powerful a message it would be if they were to allow those brave fronts to come down over the coming days.
After all, we aren’t just influenced by the messages we pick up from our own parents in childhood and beyond, but by influential figures, the tv, religion, our peers.
I used to be just like the Royals. I had a great front, I rarely allowed anyone to see me cry.
But these days, I will blub in front of my child when I am sad. I will talk about why I feel sad. It gives them permission to also cry when they are sad, to talk about why they are sad.
These actions help us to move through our feelings and to ask for help if we can’t manage them alone.
The Queen allowed herself some tears as she said goodbye to her dear Philip.
So for the Royals and for the rest of us, here are some more words of encouragement to allow the tears to fall.
Cry
I watch the pain travel around your face
Looking for a place to settle
It pauses over your mouth
Dances over your lips, they quiver
A quick shiver as you drag in a breath
Preparing to swallow
Drinking down that thick emotion
Wash it down with some fake laughter
That incredibly painful gulp - like swallowing a fist
I can see how much it hurts to close the exit
“Sorry, no pain allowed out this way today!”
You bring the barriers down, And frown
Heavy breathing, with a chest that is heaving
A grimace like a Halloween mask
Fighting a silent battle to be strong
Why? It’s so wrong!
Come sit with me, let those beautiful eyes fill
Welcome your pain in, acknowledge it’s’ existence
Stop putting up resistance
Let tears do the job they were made for
Crying - the human medicine for sadness
The body’s way to mend - it’s our friend
So when did we decide to keep it inside
Trapping our pain, ignoring it, neglecting it?
It hasn’t made us strong! We are weaker!
Isolated in our grief, alone
Hiding behind grinning masks, alone
Desperate not to be caught out feeling!
My mind is left reeling at this world of pretend
If I’m sad then I want you to know it
If you’re sad then I want you to show it
Tears cleanse, crying mends, emotion is the lotion of recovery.
Copyright Samantha Lee
Taken from The Little Book Of Help: It’s like therapy in a poem - without the waiting list!
https://amzn.eu/d/37LePud
Photo Amin Moshrefi on Unsplash
