20/10/2025
Are children allowed to be ill anymore?
It’s starting to feel like the answer is no.
Somewhere along the line, we’ve decided that attendance — not learning, not wellbeing, not curiosity — is the ultimate measure of success. There are graphs, targets, and spreadsheets to prove it. 95% is “expected,” 90% is “persistent absence.” Yet if your child scored 91% on a test, you’d probably be thrilled. You’d say, “They’ve done brilliantly!” But in attendance? Suddenly, that same number makes you a statistic that triggers letters, fines, and concern meetings.
We’ve stopped talking about why a child isn’t in school and started talking only about how often they’re not.
When did we forget that children are human beings, not data points? Humans get ill. They need rest. They get overwhelmed. Sometimes they’re grieving, exhausted, or burnt out. And sometimes, the thing they’re being asked to attend — the thing their attendance is being measured against — is actually making them unwell.
Because attendance is only good if the thing you’re attending is worth it.
If a school environment is nurturing, inclusive, calm, and safe — children want to be there. They look forward to learning, to friendships, to being seen and valued. Attendance then becomes a natural byproduct of belonging.
But when school becomes a place of pressure, sensory overload, or relentless testing; when children feel unseen, unsupported, or misunderstood — attendance stops being a measure of resilience and starts being a measure of compliance.
We wouldn’t tell a sick adult to “push through” flu or burnout because their employer has a 95% target. We’d say, “You need to rest. You’ll come back stronger.” Yet we tell children — developing, growing children — that even legitimate illness risks their attendance record.
Parents are stuck in impossible positions: Do you send your child in, dosed up on Calpol, because you can’t face another warning letter? Or do you keep them home to recover properly, knowing that decision will be recorded as a black mark against them?
The narrative needs to shift.
Instead of chasing percentages, we should be asking:
• Why is this child struggling to attend?
• What would make attendance feel safe and purposeful again?
• What can we do to make the school day something they want to be part of — not something to endure?
Because attendance doesn’t equal learning. Being present isn’t the same as being engaged.
Children who feel emotionally safe, understood, and valued attend more consistently — not because they’re pressured to, but because they want to.
So maybe the better question isn’t “How can we raise attendance?” but “How can we make attendance worth it?”
Because if we truly want lifelong learners, not just compliant students, then we have to allow space for illness, rest, and recovery — the same grace we’d give any human being.
After all, a child who scores 91% in a test is doing just fine. Maybe we should start thinking the same about attendance.
Emma
The Autistic SENCo
♾️
Photo: Hair. Mine is always unruly in the wind.
