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Insight & Connection

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Insight & Connection

Catherine Topham Sly - Relationships after kids therapist, writer & speaker. Hello, I’m Catherine Topham Sly. I’m a therapist, writer, and speaker.

Supporting couples with practical tips that work, to communicate better, resolve resentments and enjoy more intimacy. Relationships are my thing. Maybe you’re reading this because you’re having trouble with yours? I’m glad you’ve found your way here, and I would love to see how I can help. I specialise in helping couples to reconnect after they have kids, and stay close for years to come. Usually, that means improving communication, finding a path to understanding each other better, and enjoying more intimacy. I work with individuals and couples, online and in my hometown of Brighton and Hove, on the south coast of England. I’m a bit of a geek, and all of my work is grounded in years of research into what makes a healthy, satisfying relationship. Are you ready to get back to enjoying yours? Get in touch https://insightconnection.uk/contact/

02/03/2026

So it turns out the secret isn’t that you have to find the perfect partner 😅

It’s more like Victor Frankl said,

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Or in other words, when your partner’s actions (which are their ways of coping with life) push your buttons, it’s up to you to learn how to stay grounded so you can respond not react.

That’s where our growth and our freedom lie… and our peace too 😊️

So how do you actually do that?

It starts with noticing what happens inside you when you feel triggered, whether it’s an urge to shut down, explain harder, withdraw, or fight for your point.

Instead of seeing those moments as proof that something is wrong with you, your partner, or your relationship, you treat them as information - about what you fear, and what you need.

From there, the work isn’t about analysing everything to death. It’s about building a few core relational skills:

- recognising when old patterns are driving your reactions
- learning to regulate yourself
- communicating from a grounded place rather than urgency
- holding boundaries
- repairing quickly when things go off track

This is what makes differences feel less threatening, and more like opportunities for deeper connection, intimacy, and growth.

If you’re a parent who’s done plenty of personal development but still finds your relationship the hardest place to apply it, you’re not alone.

Raising kids together often brings up emotional triggers, resentment, or disconnection - and it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re wrong for each other.

It might mean it’s time to develop some new strategies which work better for your life now.

Comment/DM me COACHING if you’d like to find out more.

👋 Hi, I’m Catherine, BACP-accredited therapist and coach specialising in relationships after kids.

⭐️ If this resonates, tap then ‘following’ then ‘add to favourites’

23/02/2026

It wasn’t about the missing shoe.

It was about me realising I didn’t want to keep living in a way that left me feeling resentful, disconnected, and… just not quite myself.

For so many mums, relationship strain after kids isn’t because they don’t love their partner, or because they’re not trying hard enough.

It’s because motherhood reshapes your sense of self, your boundaries, and your tolerance - and nothing really prepares you for that.

When something feels off in your relationship, it can be tempting to focus all your energy on trying to fix the dynamic between you.

But sometimes, your attention is better focused inwards first.

Maybe the way you’ve been feeling is an invitation to pause and ask yourself a deeper question:

What do I need to change in how I’m living, relating to others, and treating myself?

That decision - to start with yourself - isn’t selfish.

It’s often the most helpful thing you can do for your relationship, and for your family.

Have you had a moment like this, when you realised something had to change, even if you didn’t know what or how just yet?

You’re welcome to share in the comments or drop me a DM 💛

👋🏼 I’m Catherine, BACP-accredited relationship therapist and coach.

I help parents, especially mums, rebuild connection after kids by starting with the relationship they have with themselves.

Comment or DM me COACHING to find out more 💛

⭐ If this resonated, you can tap → ‘following’ → ‘add to favourites’ for more

17/02/2026

After kids, it can feel easier, at least at first, to avoid the conversation about physical and emotional intimacy.

This can leave us wondering how much the other person cares, but more often it’s because we don’t want to add pressure, trigger conflict, or say the wrong thing.

Over time, though, silence can start to feel worse than honesty.

Even when you’re ready to start thinking about talking about this, you might find you just don’t have the words.

Without that language, it’s easy to go round in circles, withdraw, or pretend it doesn’t matter as much as it does.

Back in the Sack was created to help you understand what’s really going on underneath low desire and emotional disconnection, and give you clearer, calmer ways of thinking and talking about intimacy after kids.

I’ve written this to support you to go at your own pace 💛

It’s about understanding yourself and what you need, feeling more confident expressing it, and knowing how to create the conditions where closeness can feel possible again.

If you recognise that turning point, where avoiding it isn’t working anymore, this workbook is the place to start.

Back in the Sack (2nd edition) is available via the link here →

“If you and your partner are finding it hard to reconnect physically after having children, Back in the Sack is a practical workbook designed to help. It’s easy to pick up in bite-sized moments during those rare pockets of quiet. As a psychotherapist, I can recommend using it either on its own or alongside couples therapy for extra support.”

– Alison Bickers, BABCP Accredited Psychotherapist

Save this for later if it speaks to you 💛

⭐ To see more posts like this, tap → ‘following’ → ‘add to favourites’

*xafterkids

👋🏼 I’m Catherine Topham Sly, BACP accredited therapist, here to help you understand yourself and your relationship in new ways 💡

09/02/2026

So much relationship advice for mums is framed around getting more “help”.

I remember scrolling through it on my phone in the quiet after bedtime, saving posts, hoping I’d find something to finally make it click.

But I didn’t need more “help”.

Our homes and kids are our *shared* responsibilities.

When you’re the one carrying the mental load, the emotional labour, the remembering, the anticipating… what you need isn’t “help”.

It’s a stronger sense of agency.

It’s feeling like an equal again - not the manager of family life.

For many mums, relationship strain after kids isn’t just about communication or effort.

It’s about how motherhood changes your sense of self, your boundaries, your expectations, and the way you’ve learned to put everyone else first.

When something feels off in your relationship, it can be an invitation to look deeper - not just at the partnership, but at what *you* need to change, reclaim, or strengthen in your own life.

You don’t need to train as a therapist to have a great relationship, but the body of research that informs therapeutic work has so much to offer anyone who wants relationships that feel calmer, closer, and fairer.

My coaching programme Love Happy Live Free was created to help women find themselves again - and improve their relationships as a result.

Do you relate to feeling lonely in your relationship, carrying too much of the load, or feeling like you’ve lost yourself a bit since becoming a mum?

Drop a comment below or send me a DM 💛

👋🏼 I’m Catherine, a BACP-accredited relationship therapist and coach. 

I help parents - especially mums - rebuild connection after kids by starting with the most important relationship they have: the one with themselves.

Comment or DM me COACHING to find out more 💛

⭐ If this resonated, go to my profile and tap ‘following’ → ‘add to favourites’

03/02/2026

If s*x has started to feel like another thing on your to-do list... you’re not the problem 💛

For many women after kids, low desire isn’t a hormone issue - it’s an understandable response to exhaustion, pressure*, and emotional disconnection.

And in this context, generic s*x advice just isn’t enough.

So then you’re waiting.

Avoiding s*x, then feeling guilty.

Telling yourself “this is just a phase.”

Talking… maybe arguing... trying.. and still looking for answers.

That’s why I wrote Back in the Sack.

This workbook isn’t about trying to force anything you don’t want or aren’t ready for.

It’s about understanding your own desire, easing pressure, and feeling more confident knowing and asking for what you need, so closeness can feel possible again.

If you’re craving connection but finding intimacy has started to feel a bit loaded, this is a gentler, more personalised place to start.

Back in the Sack (2nd edition) is available now via the link here →

“This is a hugely useful book for any couples who have fallen out of the habit of s*x and want to change that.”

– Anne Power, Attachment Couples Therapist

Save for later if this speaks to you 💛

⭐ Tap → ‘following’ → ‘add to favourites’ for more help with relationships after kids

*xafterkids

*Important note:

Feeling internal pressure around s*x is common.

But it is never okay for anyone to pressure, coerce, or punish you for saying no.

If you feel afraid to express your needs, or your partner reacts with anger, threats, manipulation, or withdrawal, please seek support.

You can call Women’s Aid on 0808 2000 247 or Men’s Advice Line on 0808 801 0327

30/01/2026

Parent Mental Health Day isn’t just about managing stress or getting more sleep - though those things certainly help!

For so many mums, the real strain on mental health after kids is more in how she feels: a slow loss of self, equality, and intimacy.

You’re doing the school runs, the life admin, the late-night emotional support.

From the outside, it looks like you’re doing well - and you are!

But inside, something feels off.

You don’t quite feel like *you* anymore.

You feel more like the manager of family life than an equal partner.

You love your people, but you miss feeling truly close - to yourself and to your partner.

If you recognise yourself here, it doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful or doing motherhood “wrong”.

It means a wise part of you is noticing that the way you’re living doesn’t fully fit you anymore.

That’s information.

Today might be a good day to gently ask:

🤔 Where do I feel most unlike myself lately?
🤔 Where do I feel least like an equal?
🤔 Where do I miss intimacy - emotional, physical, or both?

You don’t have to burn everything down to honour the answers.

But you are allowed to take them seriously.

Save this if it resonates, and share it with a friend who you know feels the same 💛

⭐ To see more posts like this, tap → ‘following’ → ‘add to favourites’

👋🏼 I’m Catherine, a BACP accredited couples therapist and relationship transformation coach for parents.

I help women who feel lost in motherhood come home to themselves, so their relationships - and lives - can change from the inside out.

Because the connection you crave starts with you ✨

Thanks to teenage mental health charity for starting Parent & Carer Mental Health Day.

In their own words: “Looking after your own mental health as a parent or carer is vital, both for you, and for the young people in your care.”

29/01/2026

What if Parent Mental Health Day isn’t actually about learning to “cope better”?

For so many mums, the real impact on mental health after kids isn’t just stress or lack of sleep.

It’s the slow loss of self, equality, and intimacy.

You’re coping.

The kids are (mostly) fine.

Life is moving forwards.

And yet something in you feels off.

If you’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, maybe even done therapy or couples work - and things still slip back under pressure - it’s not because you’re not trying hard enough.

It’s usually because the way your life is set up hasn’t really changed.

The old “good mum” rules are still running the show.

This Parent Mental Health Day, instead of asking “how can I keep going?”, I’d love you to gently ask:

🤔 What are my feelings – resentment, loneliness, flatness – trying to tell me?
🤔 Where do I feel most “not myself” lately?
🤔 What might I be ready to change, for me?

Your feelings aren’t an inconvenience. They’re information.

Save this if it resonates, and share it with a friend who you know feels the same 💛

⭐ To see more posts like this, tap → ‘following’ → ‘add to favourites’

👋🏼 I’m Catherine, a BACP accredited couples therapist and relationship transformation coach for parents.

I help women who feel lost in motherhood to come home to themselves, so their relationships - and lives - can change from the inside out.

Because the connection you crave starts with you ✨

Thanks to teenage mental health charity for starting Parent & Carer Mental Health Day.

In their own words: “Looking after your own mental health as a parent or carer is vital, both for you, and for the young people in your care.”

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Brighton And Hove

Opening Hours

Monday	9:30am - 3pm
Tuesday	9:30am - 3pm
Wednesday	9:30am - 3pm
Thursday	9:30am - 3pm

Telephone

+447428396671

Website

http://insightconnection.uk/

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