06/05/2025
Hayley has kindly chosen to share her journey of how she came to be supported by our service and her experience of motherhood.
"I was having a rough time acknowledging I was pregnant and coming to terms with being pregnant, as it wasn’t on my ‘to do’ list, so to speak. I was very anxious. We were experiencing many problems with the pregnancy which set all my other anxieties in motion. We weren’t sure if the pregnancy was going to be viable which set off all sorts of guilty feelings and put me in touch with a lot of unknowns – not knowing from one appointment to the next what was going to happen.
We were first made aware there might be problems after my 12 week scan. I talked to my GP about my anxieties about being pregnant. He offered me either anti-depressants or talking therapy. I took the talking option, and I was referred to a Specialist Midwife, who suggested making a referral to the Early Attachment Service.
My midwife explained a bit about the Early Attachment Service offer. I spoke to someone from the team and we had a first meeting to decide if psychotherapy might be suitable for me, or if another form of work could be helpful from the team. We decided to go ahead with some further psychotherapy sessions in the antenatal period.
We had a choice of face to face visits or online to fit around my working life and other commitments. This was helpful as the sessions could fit around my life at the time. I feel the support was adaptable around my family needs, if I needed weekly sessions that was offered, if I needed a break, this was OK. When I needed sessions to move online, this was OK. If I needed to cancel this was OK.
When my baby was born, the sessions moved to my home. Nobody talks about the hard stuff of being a new mother and being at home and how tough it is. It was helpful to have regular sessions after my baby was born to talk about some of my irrational fears and anxieties.
I think I have great relationship with my baby. I think all the talking in sessions before he was born helped me to work some things out and has helped me to be a calmer mum. I think the sessions, since he was born, have helped me to be a more patient mum, to work out what he might be thinking and feeling, so I can think about how to meet his needs.
It was good to be able to think out loud and have someone to think with. It helped to have someone to help me to figure out where all my anxieties and concerns might be coming from, without judgement.
I would advise talking it out with a professional in a safe and confidential space. It’s scary living in your head. I cried so much. Weirdly, talking to family and friends doesn’t always help – everyone has an opinion or a story – when you are living with so many fears in your head, that doesn’t always help. I never once felt judged in sessions.
Having the conversations we had has made me feel like I’m not the only one. It can feel really lonely to think you’re the only one having difficulties bonding with your baby. You can feel like you’re on your own, as it feels out of the norm. It does feel like hard work to really think about your own feelings and relationships. I think it would be so much more helpful if mothers could feel it was OK to talk about how difficult it is being a mum, rather than feeling you have to keep up this glossy appearance of everything seeming perfect and having perfect families. That’s just not how it is for a lot of parents.
For me, talking through your feelings seems like the best way to get through it. There is something about voicing your fears out loud that helps them feel less scary and helps you to make sense of your feelings."
