Counselling With Becky

18/12/2024

21/12/2023

At Christmas there’s a lot of pressure to be perfect and have it all. We see adverts showing happy families in matching PJs, huge piles of expensive presents, nobody is having a drunken row, grieving for a loved one, struggling with finding money for their Christmas dinner or feeling lonely in these adverts.

The Samaritans have a free number - 116 123 (UK).

Remember it's OK not to be OK.

01/09/2023

I found this quite poignant and true.

ON THE DAY I DIE ...

On the day I die a lot will happen.
A lot will change.
The world will be busy.

On the day I die, all the important appointments I made will be left unattended.
The many plans I had yet to complete will remain forever undone.
The calendar that ruled so many of my days will now be irrelevant to me.

All the material things I so chased and guarded and treasured will be left in the hands of others to care for or to discard.
The words of my critics which so burdened me will cease to sting or capture anymore. They will be unable to touch me.

The arguments I believed I’d won here will not serve me or bring me any satisfaction or solace.

All my noisy incoming notifications and texts and calls will go unanswered. Their great urgency will be quieted.

My many nagging regrets will all be resigned to the past, where they should have always been anyway.
Every superficial worry about my body that I ever labored over; about my waistline or hairline or frown lines, will fade away.
My carefully crafted image, the one I worked so hard to shape for others here, will be left to them to complete anyway.
The sterling reputation I once struggled so greatly to maintain will be of little concern for me anymore.

All the small and large anxieties that stole sleep from me each night will be rendered powerless.
The deep and towering mysteries about life and death that so consumed my mind will finally be clarified in a way that they could never be before while I lived.
These things will certainly all be true on the day that I die.
Yet for as much as will happen on that day, one more thing that will happen.

On the day I die, the few people who really know and truly love me will grieve deeply.
They will feel a void.
They will feel cheated.
They will not feel ready.
They will feel as though a part of them has died as well.
And on that day, more than anything in the world they will want more time with me.
I know this from those I love and grieve over.
And so knowing this, while I am still alive I’ll try to remember that my time with them is finite and fleeting and so very precious—and I’ll do my best not to waste a second of it.

I’ll try not to squander a priceless moment worrying about all the other things that will happen on the day I die, because many of those things are either not my concern or beyond my control.
Friends, those other things have an insidious way of keeping you from living even as you live; vying for your attention, competing for your affections.
They rob you of the joy of this unrepeatable, uncontainable, ever-evaporating Now with those who love you and want only to share it with you.

Don’t miss the chance to dance with them while you can.
It’s easy to waste so much daylight in the days before you die.
Don’t let your life be stolen every day by all that you believe matters, because on the day you die, much of it simply won’t.
Yes, you and I will die one day.

But before that day comes: let us live.

🖋Author|John Pavlovitz

🎨Artist|Bettina Baldassari

20/06/2023

Autism is: 😘😘😘😘
Unable to speak, or maybe speaking too much
Hugging everyone, or disliking touch
Escaping outside,
Or trying to hide
Excitedly flapping
Inappropriate clapping
Autism varies so much
Won't wear a coat, or wears one all year round
Fussy eater, or would eat dirt from the ground
Screaming or humming
Annoyingly drumming
Toys in a line
The same way every time
Autism varies so much
Struggling to learn, or has wonderful gifts
Obsessions of numbers, trains, films or lifts
Spinning around
Throws things on the ground
Constantly spitting
Aggressively hitting
Autism varies so much
Alone without friends, or controls every game
Always looks different, always dresses the same
Swinging on doors
Head banging on floors
Freaks at the dryer
Keeps climbing higher
Autism varies so much.
Can't answer questions, won't do as they're told
In their own world or bossy and bold
Over prepared
Anxious and scared
A spectrum so wide
But they all bring us pride
When autism touches our lives.
I support autism awareness always
Copy & Paste If You Do Too! 🥰
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

12/05/2023

My Happy Place

I don’t know if you ever saw 'I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here', when Jordan North was asked to get into a coffin of snakes? I remember him shouting out, “My Happy Place, My Happy Place. “ which funnily enough was Bolton Football Club! He told presenters later that his brother had said to him that whenever he was scared or anxious, he could think of his happy place, and it would help calm him down.

This picture is one of my happy places. When I close my eyes, I can think of this place. I can move around this place and hear the sounds and breathe in the atmosphere. I can visualise the sun sparkling on the water and see it bounce in jumping diamonds in front of me. It makes me happier and instantly calmer.

Each of us has a special place. It might be linked to memory – a place where we feel loved and happy. It might be linked to nature – a beautiful and peaceful place like mine is.

Whatever your happy place is, take time to close your eyes and think about it. Relax and think about the different things you can see. What do you feel being there and what can you hear? Use your senses – sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste – and see if you can use them in that place. You may like to sit in a comfortable place to do this and have some gentle music on. You may prefer calm and quiet. Have a go and see how it feels.

You may like to mentally invite somebody in to share the place with you. Bring an image of them into the place and imagine talking to them. Sometimes, I visualise a wide prairie like plain and as I am a person of faith, I invite God in to be with me and I spend time with Him in that place.

It is a type of mindfulness, that can help us to feel more balanced and in control. It can help us centre our thoughts, and calm the many voices around us trying to clamour for our attention.

Being able to visualise your happy place regularly, can make you more at peace and a little happier as we cannot often get to the place we think of as our happy place as a rule. as we get used to imagining it, it can make it easier for you to visualise when you are not so comfortable, and your stress levels are higher – like Jordan North did, in the very first paragraph.

Enjoy your own happy place.

28/04/2023

I love beauty. I have been told many times to think about what fills my emotional tank – what makes me happy – and looking at beauty does.

I think beauty is very much in the eye of the beholder but for me, there are many beautiful things. There are the obvious ones like a gorgeous sunset or sunrise. These can be utterly breath taking and can’t fail to make me feel more at peace with the world as I take it in.

So, it’s been good for me to make a list of what is beautiful so I can stop and reflect over it. It reminds me to pause daily and look for something that catches my eye and makes me more happy and peaceful.

This may help you too, and then you can look out for such things every day. My top 10 list would include (besides sunsets and sunrises):

Water – rivers, steams, waterfalls, lakes, the sea – water has the ability to wash through me and make me feel cleaner and fresher just by looking at it.
The sun – the way the sun lights up everything, making it more cheerful and warm. I especially love the sun reflecting on water – little diamonds twinkling on the surface. I could watch the sun reflecting off the water for a long time.
Flowers – each flower, with its own colour and delicate pattern is beautiful and always gives me a lift when I see them. Now it is the time of lilacs, and this brings a beautiful fragrance too.
A smile or a look of joy in a loved one’s face. This is pure gold for me and always makes me feel a happier to see it.
Birds – I love birds – their song makes me happy and I love the way they soar through the sky. Their freedom and seemingly carefree nature is wonderful to watch.
Big skies … and big views. I love being at the top of a hill and looking down into the wide sweeping views below with big skies above. The breadth and enormity of it makes my spirit light up.
A beautiful piece of music, especially when it’s the flute or a wind instrument, can connect with me and lift me.
Twinkly lights – I love fairy lights and sparkles – I find I am happier when I see the fairy lights light up the darkness or I am given a book with a very sparkly cover!
The seashore – especially with cliffs and sand. I watch rough seas that crash against cliffs and feel the spray on my face. I love walking along the sand when it’s calmer. Both are beautiful to me.
So there are 10 of my favourite beautiful things. It’s not an exhaustive list but it’s a start. I try to find beauty in something at least once a day. I watch the sun come into my room or take a walk by the lake. I hear the birds outside or see the flowers in my garden. I see the smile of someone I love and hear them laugh. Sometimes it’s simple; sometimes it’s magnificent.

Whatever is beautiful for you, take notice of it. Be present and savour it in. Let the beauty fill you and flow through you and enjoy the moment so that it helps you to armour up a little more to get through the day.

26/04/2023

Walking today, I saw this dandelion. Many consider dandelions a w**d but I don't. I consider them a flower. I think each flower is beautiful and vibrant in its own way, even when they plant themselves in an annoying place.
In the same way, each person is valued and special. There is no such person, who is too hopeless a case or worthless in any way. As a therapist, I want each person to be vibrant and alive, just like this dandelion.
This dandelion is crying out, "Here I am. Look at me. I'm alive and I will look wonderful."
Wouldn't it be wonderful, if we could do the same?

26/03/2023

Neurodiversity and Wellbeing

Recently, it was said that 1 in 7 people are neurodivergent in the UK, but the numbers are growing. In a world that has traditionally been set up for the neurotypical, this has been a mine field for those who are neurodivergent. Time and time again, they believe they have failed and the growing stigma they have felt, has caused significant harm to their wellbeing.

Neurodivergent people have been told they are stupid, when in fact they may have been dyslexic or have dyscalculia, or they have been called clumsy when they have dyspraxia. They may have been called untidy, impulsive or lazy when they have ADHD (Attention Deficit/Hyperactive Disorder) or narrow minded or ‘too set in their ways’ when they have ASC (Autistic Spectrum Conditions).

The neurodivergent people amongst us have known they are different but have not always understood why.

However, there is a growing awareness that being neurodivergent is not a disease that has to be cured but is a condition that can be celebrated. Neurodivergent people are intelligent and capable and can offer skills to the neurotypical, that they themselves may lack. Their brains are wired differently.

The neurodivergent think more in spikes. They might not be good at certain skills and this brings lows but then they may well excel in other areas and these bring spikes. A neurotypical person’s thinking is more in a straight-line, as they achieve in most things at an expected rate.

It is good to remember that no two neurodivergent people are the same. Some will have one skillset and some another. Many neurodivergent people have some of the skills listed below but they are expressed differently to each other.

Typically, some of the skills, neurodivergent people can excel at are:

Creativity – many neurodivergent people have great imaginations and are creative in both their thinking and their activities.
Problem solving – a neurodivergent person can often see a different way to do something, so they solve problems in a more unusual but brilliant way with the ability to think outside the box.
Innovation – with their creativity and ability to problem solve, the neurodivergent person might well be able to come up with original ideas and become entrepreneurs, finding solutions to problems in a way not thought of before.
Productivity - some neurodivergent individuals such as those with ASC are able to stick to routines and work through what they have to do in an ordered and thorough way, meaning they can work more productively when on their own and work well in conditions others may have found hard like in the Pandemic.
Logic- being more logical, can also mean that people with ASC are good at imputing and working with data, as they can work systematically. The ability to see patterns helps with codes and behaviours.
Empathy - many neurodivergent people can be very empathetic and are able to show care and emotional support to others who are struggling.
Strength – many neurodivergent people are strong as they have learnt to survive in a world that has not been easy for them. They have overcome many challenges and persevered to build up a tenacity and determinedness to succeed.
Unfortunately, many neurodivergent people, however, do not feel they are on top of their skillset. They feel hounded and scorned. They don’t feel good about their differences and have been belittled and bullied by people who do not understand that they are just different. Sometimes help can be found on the website and this can help the neurodivergent to find tips to overcome problems.

Neurodivergence is not a disease to be cured but the stigma some feel, needs to be addressed. It is good to seek help if a neurodivergent person is struggling to come to terms with their differences and who they are. Such a person needs to find a neurodivergent- affirming counsellor – one whose approach is to make the client the expert on their own experience and to work with the good and the bad that comes from that. In this way, more neurodivergent can learn to celebrate who they are instead of feeling shame and start to feel that they are on a firm and secure footing in the world.