CalmFamily Cambridge

11/01/2022

💜

Some truths about postpartum:

You’ll miss the girl of yesterday, but love who she is becoming even more.

Asking for help doesn’t make you weak, we weren’t designed to do this alone.

Unwanted intrusive thoughts are really common, and yet we never talk about them.

You can be in so much company and still feel lonely.

You’ll never feel so strong and so vulnerable all at once.

You’ll never be so attune to someone else’s feelings, their breathing, their cries, its incredibly beautiful and incredibly exhausting.

You’ll get asked if they’re a good baby, you’ll wish you responded with, “they’re all good babies”.

You’ll be triggered often, you may even have to reparent yourself in some ways.

You’ll scroll a lot, your feed will be over taken with Mum accounts and baby things, some of which will give you Mum guilt. You don’t need that, it’s hard enough.

You’ll cringe at some of the things you said, or the things you didn’t do for your friends with kids, way before you had any of your own (I get it now, and I’m sorry).

Your baby is not manipulating you, it’s biologically normal for them to want you close, and that’s no bad habit.

If you simply kept the kids alive today, then you achieved a lot.

That crying in the shower is something we’ve all done, sometimes we don’t even know why.

Your brain will go missing for a while.

It is not a one size fits all, the routines, the apps… no one knows your baby better than you.

You’ll feel distant from your partner, the one thing that makes you feel as if you’re floating one minute has you both sinking the next. Sometimes it’s an ocean between you (but it won’t always be like that).

You’ll crave alone time and yet when you’re without them it feels like a piece of you is missing.

They grow so fast (but you won’t enjoy every minute) and that’s OK.

You’ll get better at this, but mostly you’ll get better at just rolling with it.

You’ll never know patience until you become a mother.

You’ll never know a person inside out until you become a mother.

You’ll never know how love can turn you inside out too.

And you’ll be forever changed, but in the best way.

Words:
Art:

Follow: www.instagram.com/jessurlichs_writer/

12/03/2020

Yes ^^^

11/03/2020

Yes - This ^^^^

So what do we know about the effect and efficacy of cry based sleep training based on current scientific evidence? The answer is ‘not a lot’.

19/02/2020

Yes - This ^^^

18/12/2019

Tips for a calmer Christmas (courtesy of Denfield Park Primary School)

Be kind to me this Christmas... from a little person's point of view:

- You've probably let me eat more sugar than usual - I'm bound to have higher highs and lower lows.

- In the holidays I'm out of routine - I can cope better with transitions when I know exactly what's coming next so please explain our plans for the day clearly to me.

- The anticipation of Christmas can be pretty overwhelming and exhausting. Help me to rest by keeping to my normal bedtimes.

- Travelling at Christmas is stressful for all of us. When possible, be flexible about when we travel and check the traffic before we leave.

- I have no idea about the value of money - if there's no way I can have that giant lego set for Christmas, then please tell me well before Christmas morning. I'll have time to get over my disappointment and I'll learn to trust your honesty.

- Grown-ups find preparing for Christmas stressful. I know you want it to be perfect for me so I'll have memories I can cherish forever. But I see you getting stressed, sometimes even before you do. I pick up on it and reflect it like a mirror. Please slow down, notice me, talk to me, play with me. That's what I'll remember.

- When I lose it, and I probably will at some point, please don't make me ashamed of my feelings by shouting at me. I never set out to deliberately disappoint you and I didn't try to ruin your Christmas. I'm really not that calculated. I'm just a little person whose brain deals with stress in different ways to yours. Please try to understand me, from my point of view.

And when all else fails, wrap your arms around me and hold me so I feel the strength of your love.

23/11/2019

" When a parent tending a child is deemed 'not working' she is invisible in the economy. The UN in the Platform for Action in the 1990s passed a motion to tally caregiving roles and to notice how much they anchor the economy. They are the first tier of health care. Statistics Canada estimates that were such roles counted they would be over 1/3 of the GDP. But most nations still do not count those roles.

The result is a skewing of recognition - finally noticing unpaid care of children, but only if you do paid work away from them. In Canada when maternity benefits are given, they are based on paid work. When pensions are calculated, they are based on paid work. When childcare expense deductions are permitted they require the parents to be at paid work.�

And this tilt shows a more pervasive bias that needs to be addressed - the devaluing of caregiving still. The good news is that the writers of The Convention on the Rights of the Child knew that. They included the right to time with family, knowing that the family helps the child have an identity, a language, a culture. A family provides a guide, someone to care, to help children through the maze of decisions and to offer them what the state cannot - love.
And you know who else knew this was vital to children's rights? Children.

When a small child cries in terror and wants comfort, when the child cries on separation, when the teen is distraught and needs someone to listen that is the voice of the child.
We should notice that children are telling us, sometimes without words, sometimes with restlessness or despair that they need not just some amorphous state but a life loving family member. And we need laws that make sure that parents can afford to be there.

That is a vital part of the rights of the child that seems to be particularly at risk - everywhere"

Are we achieving the goals set out in 1989 by the UN in The Convention on the Rights of the Child?

22/11/2019

This is just a wonderful example of modelling inclusivity.

❤❤❤

10/11/2019

Excellent daytime nap info from my colleague of Nourishment

We've heard that artificial light and screens can affect our babies (and our own!) circadian rhythms and ability to sleep at night, but what about daytime sleep?

Daytime naps should be taken in natural light, the more sunshine flooding the better. 🌞🌞🌞 If you use a blackout blind for naps - or even cover your buggy with the hood while your baby sleep - you are also affecting their circadian rhythms.

The more sunlight humans get during the day, the better sleep they get at night 🌚

15/10/2019

❤❤❤

Tonight all around the world we light candles at 7pm to remember babies lost too soon.

Some babies were lost a couple of weeks past a positive pregnancy test, some we only got to see on screen, some we got to hold but had to say goodbye to heartbreakingly early.

Some people will be remembering a loss from many years ago and some will be lighting candles for a loss so fresh it physically hurts.

Some will be mourning a baby no one even knew about, some will be with their families and some will be lighting candles on their own.

Some of us will have found our happy endings, some of us will still be waiting and some of us won't know which way to turn.

Everyone will have a different story but sharing those stories will only help us all feel less alone.

Thinking of everybody who is remembering their little lost star tonight x

10/10/2019

Sometimes this is motherhood........
We often feel so guilty for saying it out loud. The much wanted baby.......but the overwhelmingness, the repetitiveness, the mental load, the no break neediness, the lack of support (Where is my village??!!) And the fact it feels like it'll always be like this at some points........

And as she retreats to a warm shower, she allows herself to feel it all;

Her body - Touched out and sore from the constant carrying and rocking of the tiny new life she's created

Her mind - Foggy and groggy, filled with scattered thoughts that she can no longer resolve with 'to-do' and 'done'

Her soul - Blissed out, but exhausted as she processes the story of how she came to be a mother

She feels it all here, because she hasn't found any other space. One where she feels safe to speak the secret:

That she's not...loving it.

She feels like she has to hide it. That there is something wrong with her. 'Will it always feel this hard?', she wonders. 'Am I the only one?'

So she stays here, for a few extra moments, sheds a few tears, then dries herself off.

And as she heads back to her reality, and cradles her baby in her arms, she receives the question that could reveal it all -

But she doesn't feel ready yet.

One day soon she'll give herself permission. To not 'love every moment'. To be honest about her joy AND her pain. To realize that the mother she wants to be, is exactly the same as the mother she already is. But she's not ready today.

So she answers the same way she always does. With those two little words that keep her truth protected, but her heart all alone:

'I'm fine' she says. With a soft, warm smile.

And she rocks her baby to sleep💜
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