11/12/2025
SESSIONS I WILL NEVER FORGET
EPISODE 2
THE DAY HIS BRAIN RETREATED INTO A MAN CAVE CONTAINING ABSOLUTELY F**K ALL
They come into my office like two different weather forecasts.
She walks in like a storm warning.
He walks in like the man who read the weather wrong.
She sits forward, ready to present evidence.
He sits back like he is waiting for his sentence to be read.
I say, “Alright, tell me what brings you both in.”
She says, “Chris… he NEVER listens to me.”
He nods confidently.
“I do listen.”
He does NOT listen.
She says, “No you don’t! Because if you DID, you would know why I am upset!”
He shrugs.
“Well… I don’t.”
And I watch it happen.
His eyes glaze.
His expression goes blank.
His shoulders drop.
His consciousness quietly leaves the building.
He has retreated deep into the Man Cave inside his skull.
Inside his head right now is a vast echoing mental space containing absolutely F**K ALL.
No thoughts.
No emotions.
No processing.
Just a dented sofa, a flickering telly frozen on a replay from 1998, a warm beer, and a remote that only works if you hit it.
Silence.
Peace.
A spiritual void.
Meanwhile she is Heathrow Airport.
Flights arriving.
Flights departing.
Announcements.
Drama.
Fuel leaks.
High winds.
Everything connected to everything.
She says, “Chris, let me tell you what happened last night. I tried to talk to him about feeling unappreciated. Do you know what he said? DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID?”
I brace myself.
She says, “He said… ‘Do you want a cup of tea.’”
She speaks it like she is reading out a police report.
He says, proudly, “you like tea !.”
I say, “Mate… what were you THINKING when she said all that?”
He blinks.
Inside the Man Cave the telly pauses.
A crisp packet moves in the wind.
A faint hum echoes.
He says, “Nothing.”
She nearly levitates.
“NOTHING? HOW can you be thinking NOTHING?”
He says, “It’s very easy. I just don’t think.”
She looks at me like I should sedate him.
She says, “Chris, he never tells me how he feels. EVER.”
He says, “I do have feelings.”
I say, “Alright mate. Name one.”
Inside his skull an error message appears.
Feelings not found. Please restart.
He digs deep.
He says, slowly, “Hungry.”
She looks at me like she wants to file for a refund.
She says, “Hungry is NOT a feeling!”
He says, “It feels like one.”
Time to rescue this situation.
I say, “He does not hate you. He is not shutting you out. When things get overwhelming, his brain retreats into his cave. It’s not personal. It’s a coping mechanism.”
She breathes.
“So he DOESN’T hate me?”
He says, with full sincerity, “No. I don’t hate you. I just… don’t think.”
She laughs through frustration.
We have momentum.
I say, “Right. One sentence each. Tell the other what you actually want.”
She goes first.
“I want you to acknowledge how I FEEL, without disappearing into your stupid cave or offering tea.”
He nods, thinking deeply.
Possibly the first thought of the week.
He says, “I want you to say what you MEAN instead of making me guess.”
She stops.
He has landed a clean emotional punch.
She says, “So… when I ask ‘Are you okay,’ and you say ‘I’m fine,’ you’re NOT fine.”
He says, “Correct.”
She says, “Then WHY don’t you say that?”
He says, “Because saying that sounds… stressful.”
She snorts.
Actual snort.
A major therapeutic breakthrough.
I say, “Alright. Describe your mind to him. One sentence.”
She says, “My brain is like twenty browser tabs open at once… and YOU are in at least fifteen of them.”
He looks honoured and horrified.
He says, “I have one tab.”
She says, “What is on it.”
He says, “food.”
Fair enough.
I say, “Here is the deal. When she talks feelings, you stay out of the cave. You do NOT pick up the imaginary remote. You do NOT disappear. You stay present.”
He nods as if taking an oath.
I say, “And when he looks like someone pulled his batteries out… you slow the airport down. One plane at a time. No full air show.”
She nods.
Softening.
He says, “I cannot promise anything. But I will try.”
They stand.
She says, “Thank you, Chris. This actually helps.”
He says, proudly, “Thank you for explaining my brain. I like my cave.”
She says, “The cave is NOT the point!”
He grins.
“It is still my favourite place though.”
She sighs.
But she takes his hand.
Because love is blind. And partially deaf.
As they walk out I hear him whisper to her:
“I wonder if I can put a mini fridge in there.”
Heathrow Airport groans.
The Man Cave hums.
Balance is restored.
💥DISLCAIMER💥
These stories are fictional and humorous composites inspired by common coaching patterns.
Real enough to relate to, exaggerated enough to laugh at.
No real client is represented.
(Loosely based on true events)
