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Iawn Mêt?, Cardiff (2025)

31/01/2024

Tonight I’ll be delivering a talk on all things men’s health for the first Stand Tall Sit Down of 2024 for Stand Tall - Strength and Wellbeing. We’ll be at The Park in Barry from 7pm. Come down if you fancy a chat or to learn more for you and the lads in your lives!

28/02/2022

✨ Let's talk about self-soothing. ✨

Self-soothing is an important skill to develop. You can learn to reduce and modulate your stress through reassurance and self-compassion. This is often done through conscious self-talk and redirecting your attention to the present. There are certain techniques that help to calm and relax when we are feeling overwhelmed both physically and emotionally. They can help us to “regulate” so that we can feel like ourselves again.

When stressed, our inner critic is usually loudest. We know this, which is why when are mates and our family need our compassion and reassurance in a stressful situation, we don’t think twice to support them, often with soothing words. So, if we are naturally there for our mates and our family in this way, it can be just as easy to learn to be there for ourselves, too.

Gwan try it mun:

“I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
“I’m here for you.”
“I am enough.”
“You did the best with the tools that you had.”
“I know this is a difficult time for you.”
“You are not alone.”
“I believe in you.”
“I can cope with this.”
“It’s okay to feel this way, it makes sense to me.”
“You can count on me.”

Self-soothing can also be done through actions, such as listening to your favorite music, self-care, grounding yourself to the present via your senses, and deep breathing.

17/02/2022

Words from motivational speaker Les Brown on this windy Thursday afternoon.

PRACTICE MAKES IMPROVEMENT

"Understanding and knowing that we can move from where we are, that we can begin to design the kind of life that empowers us, that gives us happiness, that enables us to be on top of who we are. Knowing that as we begin to explore new horizons and new vistas in life, that as we begin to focus on developing ourselves, as we begin to elevate ourselves and not to follow the crowd, activating the thinker in us and disciplining and putting on hold the emotional part of ourselves, it’s not easy, but through practice and practice and practice, practice makes what? (in the crowd -"perfect"-) Absolutely not. Dismantle that belief system.

Practice makes improvement. You can always better your best. You can always go beyond anything that you have ever done. You never hit a state of perfection. You’re always bigger than what you do. And so all you’re looking for new breakthroughs through practice and practice and practice you’ll get better and better and better.
And there are still some things that will happen to you that will catch you on the blindside, that you did not anticipate. You’ll get knocked down, but you won’t be knocked out. You’ll be able to get to your feet again beyond the ropes, but you have a fast recovery rate when you work on yourself.
Read inspirational books, of course. Listen to tapes that begin to inspire you and stay around people who will empower you — people that will help you feel good about who you are as you’re in the process of transforming your life.

Life is so beautiful.

Sometimes life will take you to your knees, but the pain opens spaces in the heart for joy."

17/02/2022

It’s important to have goals, to be motivated, and to seek out more for yourself if you want it. It’s also just as important to let yourself have limits.

We live in a society where if you’re still, then you’re stagnant, and if you’re content, then you’re not pushing yourself hard enough. This tends to hold true for men especially, and with it, this narrative can lead to unhappiness, feeling guilty, and unaccomplished. When in reality, you’re already 1 in 400 quadrillion.

It’s ok if today all you managed to do was get through your work day, make yourself a tea and sit in front of tele, it’s ok if all you did today was brush your teeth. It’s also just as ok if you woke up today and chose a different career path, it’s ok if you woke up today and succeeded at something you’ve been working your ass off for, and it’s ok if you woke up today and decided that you wanted more.

All are valid.

But it essential that we allow ourselves limits to live within and to find happiness within them, if that is where your comfort lies. Whether it is day to day, or on a more permanent stretch.

Cut yourself the slack, as bets are, you’re doing f*cking great.

17/02/2022

Lots of people benefit from the notion that the first day of the first month of a new year offers a fresh start. This thinking can be both motivational and encouraging, though it’s important to remember that it’s still just as random as the beginning of any other week.

It’s positive to maintain this mindset as change can occur or be implemented any day of the week if you choose it.

This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t use the NY as a starting point of change if it’s helpful, but be mindful that when or if you do, that you are aware that the pressure to succeed comes only from within.

So if you plan on throwing yourself into the sea with , listening to a new podcast with , joining for a well-being walk, seeking out mentoring with or joining the gym bandwagon (GWAN), then do so with kindness and understanding.

Blwyddyn Newydd Dda, rydych chi’n anifeiliaid budr | Happy New Year, you filthy animals.

17/02/2022

Just a reminder that healing and moving forward is not linear. In most cases, it can feel like you’re playing Mario in real time. Jumping down one pipe just to pop back up in another, avoiding ghosts and other s**t that life throws at you, you can even find yourself both taking risks and avoiding making choices altogether. And that’s fine.

The saying “it does not matter how slow you go, as long as you do not stop” often resonates with a lot of us, and whilst it is meant to be motivational and well meaning, this phrase can accidentally shape a damaging narrative.
It is ok to stop. If stopping is what you need, and if stopping is what will help you, then it is ESSENTIAL that you stop.

We work, we have family and friends, jobs, hobbies, commitments etc., all of which can feel near impossible to simply ‘stop’, though for many, stopping and healing come hand in hand. Without taking time out, whether it’s a day, a week, a month, it can be difficult to find your footing, to know which direction to take, or to know what you’re thinking or feeling.

So if you want to stop, communicate it to those that need to hear it, take that day, take that week, and be kind to yourself.

Healing can be a life long process, but the time that you take to switch off will make that process a hell of a lot easier… Then you can grab that phrase by the balls and resume whatever pace feels right.

17/02/2022

When a mate asks how we are, it’s almost always easier to end our responses with a “it is what it is”, or a “but it’s fine”.

Results from a survey held by Iawn Mêt? showed that when asked, men felt that their male friends would “not at all likely” be able to recognise symptoms of depression or anxiety in themselves.
When asked if they’d feel comfortable talking to a family member about their own mental health, the likelihood of this was lower than if choosing to speak to a friend.
We don’t have to tell our mates everything, especially when we may find it difficult to word how we feel. Though an idea to combat this, is to create a scale of 1-10 and share it with your fiends. This can be group wide, where come the morning or afternoon, everyone’s checks in with a number. 1 being the lowest with how you feel, and 10 being the highest. This does not mean that you then must explain yourself further, but your mates can then be made aware of where you’re at. They can choose to invite ya for a beer, go for a walk, get on the PS/Xbox, or send ya some trusty memes to make ya laugh.

And whilst it is important to check in with your mates, it’s a healthy exercise for you too.

Samaritans recently found that loneliness is the second most common concern expressed in contacts from males. When Iawn Mêt? asked how often participants felt lonely, more than half answered often.
In a lot of cases, yes, “it eez what it eez”, though you can choose for it to be more than that. In reaching out for yourself, you could also be helping a mate without even knowing it.

17/02/2022

Friendship can play a crucial part in protecting our mental health. Our mates can keep us grounded, help us get things in perspective, and help us manage the problems that life throws at us.
If we’re experiencing a mental health problem, our instinct might be to hide away and avoid our mates. But friendships can play a key role in helping us live with or recover from a mental health problem and overcome the isolation that often comes with it. We can end up with the strongest relationships with the people who’ve supported us through hard times.

Friends can:

• Increase your sense of belonging and purpose
• Boost your happiness and reduce your stress
• Improve your self-confidence and self-worth
• Help you cope with traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one
• Encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as excessive drinking or lack of exercise

When you find a mate who may also be experiencing mental health concerns, it can be liberating, comforting, and a relief to spend time with another who without having to mention anything, may understand where you're at.

Though above all, whether your mate(s) share concerns or not, it's important to be able to tell them if you're being down. Tough as it can be, talking to close friends can be important for both/all of you. Even if you don't talk about it again, having the issue out in the open means that you don't have to worry about mentioning your mental health problem by accident or 'explain away' medication or appointments. It may also make clear why you’re behaving in a particular way or why you don't want to go out or talk to them much.

Take a breather, call them up, write it in a text or spell it out using charades, whatever the method, think about talking. 💙

16/11/2021

Whilst intrusive thoughts are considered to be one of the main symptoms of OCD, they can also affect those with depression and anxiety.
Sometimes, we can experience a thought so debilitating that it can throw our whole day into chaos.

You don’t need to have been diagnosed with a mental health condition to experience intrusive thoughts, but how we deal with them is tackled exactly the same as if you were…

What can you do to help yourself?
1. Stop (this is important, stop what you are doing and try to find somewhere quiet).
2. Take in your surroundings (it can be helpful to do this first with eyes open and then closed, so as to concentrate on the sensations and sounds around you).
3. Inhale and exhale deeply (this can help in grounding yourself)
4. Address the thoughts or images
5. Accept that they are irrational
6. Accept that they are not truthful
7. Take a deep breath and acknowledge your positive step
8. Continue forward and apply this process again

Intrusive thoughts can be violent (to yourself or others), sexual, can be compulsions of habit, can centre around your safety, can be self deprecating, etc., though they do not have to dictate your choices or feelings, not if we follow positive steps.

94% of people are sad to experience unwanted thoughts/images/impulses, reach out to a mate, your partner and or family, you may find that they can do more than listen, they could relate.

13 Men share what it’s like living with intrusive thoughts - An article by Metro 🗞
https://metro.co.uk/2018/04/12/12-men-share-what-its-like-to-live-with-intrusive-thoughts-7461635/

02/11/2021

It’s important to accept and to know that in caring for yourself, and in giving you the time and space that you need; be it a quick 15 minute walk or work out session in the morning, a quiet cuppa among your thoughts, an evening 5 a side or rugby match with the lads, or a couple of beers whilst watching your fav Netflix series, that in doing so, you’ll have a lot more fuel left in the tank to give to others.

To friends, to family, your profession, your interests etc. It is essential that you take a moment for yourself, but even more so that you take many of them.

Iawn Mêt?

31/01/2024

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