16/09/2024
The importance of listening in a Tarot reading
One of the most frustrating readings I received was about my finances. It was frustrating because the reader didn’t listen to the feedback I gave him.
One of the cards was the Page of Wands. He insisted this meant there was someone in my life, sabotaging my financial affairs. I considered what he said and couldn’t think of anyone. Months later I still can’t think of anyone.
I pointed out that court cards don’t always indicate another person in our lives. Often they show the qualities we are using or would benefit from using.
In this case I felt the impulsiveness of the Page of Wands didn’t help me with financial planning or sticking to a budget. In short the person sabotaging my financial affairs was myself.
But he continued to maintain there was someone else harming my finances. One common mistake in a Tarot reading is to stick to a fixed interpretation of a card whether it fits the facts or not – life and the cards are more complex than that.
As a result I couldn’t take seriously anything else he had to say. Not only was he not listening to me, he wasn’t listening to his intuition either, which would have helped him go beyond the textbook meaning of the card to offer insights uniquely tailored to my situation. But that’s a whole other blog.
Listening is validating and healing
When you first do readings it may seem the most important thing is the advice you are giving to the person. And this is often the case.
But sometimes in your eagerness to communicate your pearls of wisdom you overlook another key component, listening to the person you are doing the reading for, the querent.
I usually start with the assumption that the querent, knows, perhaps at a subconscious level, what the best solution for them is. So for me the art of the reading often involves teasing out what that might be. They are much more likely to implement a solution they come up with, rather than one I try to impose on them.
Sometimes the conversation becomes more important than the cards, or any helpful advice. In our everyday lives, we find comfort talking to someone who listens without judgment. Being truly heard and accepted is validating and healing, but as author Helen Keller said, “Good listeners are as rare as white crows.”
Many people turn to tarot when they are uncertain or upset. By listening with empathy, you create a safe space where they feel understood and supported. This is incredibly powerful, as it shows them their feelings are acknowledged and respected, much as a good friend might listen and offer support without trying to immediately “fix” the problem.
Being nonjudgemental is vital. Like most of us they’ve probably had their share of being criticised, blamed or even shamed. Being accepted can feel priceless.
I remember one reading where I started talking about the cards, but as the conversation developed I realised what was important to her was not the cards, but that I understood and accepted her issues, without any judgement. So I spent most of the reading listening intently. And afterwards she told me how good that felt, because no one, including her therapist, had ever taken the time to do that. That was more important than any advice I gave, or any insights from the cards.
Active listening builds rapport
Active listening helps you connect with the querent and create a successful reading. Rapport is built on trust, and trust is nurtured through listening.
But according to management consultant Peter Drucker, “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” Active listening is about working to understand the meaning and intention behind the words. It starts with the very first contact you have with the querent.
People often struggle to articulate their thoughts and feelings. A querent might start with a vague question, unsure of what they want to ask. By listening carefully, and asking questions, you can help them clarify their thoughts and refine their question, so the reading can address the heart of the matter.
As author Simon Sinek said, “Listening is not understanding the words of the question asked, listening is understanding why the question was asked in the first place.”
When you practice active listening, you are fully engaged and immersed in what the other person is saying, so they feel heard and valued. This skill is the foundation of any successful conversation, including a Tarot reading. It means focussing on the other person, and ignoring your cell phone and other distractions, including your internal dialogue and what you want to say next.
Much of a conversation is unspoken. Noticing nonverbal cues can tell you a lot. If the person talks fast perhaps this indicates they are nervous. If they talk slowly, they may be choosing their words carefully. Your own non-verbal behaviours are just as important. Don’t fold your arms, be open, lean towards them, nod at key points. Eye contact is important, it shows you are listening, and you aren't distracted.
Ask open ended questions
Ask open-ended questions rather than questions requiring yes nor no answers as those stop the conversation flowing. Open-ended questions encourage thoughtful answers. Some examples include:
• How did that make you feel?
• What do you think is the best way forward?
• What’s the first step you want to take?
Be curious about the other person, it shows you are interested.
Check your understanding
After the person has spoken, feedback what you heard. This ensures you've captured their situation, ideas, and emotions accurately. It helps them feel validated and understood while minimising any potential misunderstandings.
Summarise what you've heard and give them the chance to confirm how well you’ve understood them. For example, you might say, ""I'm hearing that you're excited about this situation." If you want clarification ask some further questions.
In conclusion, listening is essential for a meaningful tarot reading. By listening to the querent, you offer empathy, understanding, and clarity, and receive conformation that you’ve understood them correctly. And that, with your intuition, life experience and understanding of the cards, can create a tarot reading that is insightful, and profoundly resonant.
