Safe Spaces with Sam

07/12/2025

🦋🌞A whole family approach 🌞🦋

If you weren't already aware I also offer parent coaching, which can sit alongside coaching for the child. This means a truly holistic experience for the whole family.

The advantage of this is that the parent(s) can also work on their approach and ensuring things that their child needs are put into place. From my experience outcomes are much more successful when the whole family is involved.

I have also worked with just the parent(s) when the child/teen hasn't been able to engage in their own session. This enabled those parents to feel more empowered to understand their child and that they could be much more effective in using strategies to help them.

If you feel you would benefit from coaching, drop me an email to sam.safespaces@gmail.com or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

07/12/2025

🦋🌞 Another fantastic week Spaces HQ🌞🦋

06/12/2025

🌞🦋Natural and logical consequences for poor behaviour 🦋🌞

It's easy to dish out time-outs, take tech away for a long time, ground etc as punishments, but it's proven that natural and logical consequences are far more effective and help our children learn from mistakes, developing responsibility, accountability and problem-solving skills.

So what is the difference?

1. *Natural Consequences*: Allow children to experience the direct outcome of their actions, for example breaking a toy means they can't play with it any longer. Perhaps they threw it in a rage, well they've set their own consequence already.

2. *Logical Consequences*: Impose related, reasonable outcomes, which make sense to the child and seem fair, for example not putting away toys means helping with extra cleanup, or in a case recently at home, going upstairs with their shoes on when explicitly told not to resulted in hoovering the upstairs of the house later on!

What are the benefits of this approach?

1. Encourages self-regulation
2. Fosters accountability
3. Develops problem-solving skills
4. Builds resilience
5. Strengthens parent-child relationships
6. Allows for a much calmer way to deal with behaviour

Here are some more examples:

1. Forgetting lunch- Pack a simpler meal next time and going hungry!
2. Not wearing a coat- Feeling cold, this is a common one in our house!
3. Being late home- Missing that amount of time from the next night out.
4. Being physical to a sibling- Picking up one of the siblings chores as a kind of community service.
5. Refusing to do homework - Getting into trouble at school for not doing it.

And some general tips when dealing with poor behaviour:

1. Stay calm and consistent, leave for a few minutes if needed.
2. Explain consequences clearly, if they're logical and fair as above they're much less likely to argue.
3. Encourage reflection, not straight away, but the next day perhaps.
4. Set clear expectations to begin with, children's brains love boundaries and knowing where they stand.
6. Encourage them to set their own logical consequence as it involves them in the process.
7. If needed say you're too cross to tell them their consequence now and revisit after some time out for everyone.

It won't always work out and we all know in the heat of the moment it can be almost impossible to keep cool and not dish out ridiculous punishments, but it's ok to come back and say exactly this. It's actually really good modelling for our children to see we're not perfect, that adults make mistakes, but we own them, learn from them and apologise.

I can promise you from direct experience with my own children and of many students over the years, this approach is so much more effective.

For more information about 1:1 coaching drop me a message to sam.safespaces@gmail.com or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

06/12/2025

🦋🌞Very proud coach moment 🌞🦋

One of the many highlights of my job coaching is when my superstars push themselves and achieve amazing things to be proud of.

This particular superstar attends a fabulous school, that I am very grateful to have a supportive relationship with, who takes their students mental health very seriously. They have decided to set up autism ambassadors and my superstar has applied to be one!

As you can see from her application letter, she now understands herself so well and how she can help herself. It has been a pleasure to guide her on her journey and share in the highs and lows with her and her family.

This letter was most definitely a highlight in my week and made me extremely proud.

For more information about 1:1 coaching for you or your child, drop me a message to sam.safespaces@gmail.com or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

05/12/2025

🦋🌞Sound familiar?🌞🦋

These are all common reasons why parents seek out a mental health coach and exactly what we're here to help with.

I work with my superstars to help them overcome their emotional challenges and the parents always learn along the way too!

If any of these resonate with you get in touch for a FREE 20 minute discovery call, or to book a session, at sam.safespaces@gmail.com or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

04/12/2025

🦋🌞I love it when my superstars continue their skills outside sessions 🌞🦋

You would be forgiven for thinking all the work takes place in the hour we spend together in sessions at Safe Spaces HQ.

However, often my superstars are inspired to create their own regulation strategies, tell others about how to deal with difficulties they're facing and build their own confidence and resilience.

This particular superstar created their own fidget poppet from craft foam and turned it into an emotion communication tool too- amazing!

Needless to say some craft foam has gone into my Amazon basket and my other superstars will be creating these for themselves once the Christmas crafts have been exhausted!

For more information about 1:1 coaching for you or your child drop me a message to sam.safespaces@gmail.com or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

03/12/2025

🦋🌞My love language is words of affirmation🌞🦋

Love languages don't just apply to our relationships with a partner, but to our friendships and overall mental health. I'm definitely one who likes to hear words of affirmation.

I am very lucky that my superstars and their families frequently give me very lovely words of affirmation, as you can see from two recent emails I received.

I love my coaching work and seeing the positive impact it can have, if you would like to find out more drop me a message to sam.safespaces@gmail.com or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

03/12/2025

🦋🌞It's ready for download 🌞🦋

I have written a metaphorical story about staying calm and relaxed in the festive season and it's FREE to download.

The story is based around a glittery star tree decoration and you can make your own at home to add to the magic. If you have pipe cleaners you can make one as pictured, or simply cut one from card and decorate with glitter or sequins.

You can download the printable book and audio recording of me reading it here:

https://shop.beacons.ai/safespaceswithsam/c5871626-bd3c-4277-8889-aa38af09e048

For more information about 1:1 coaching drop me a message to sam.safespaces@gmail.com or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

02/12/2025

🦋🌞 Positive mindsets are so important 🌞🦋

It's why you will have noticed I start so many of my long term superstars sessions with talking about the positives of their week.

It often surprises them to see it all written down and always helps to begin the session with that positive mindset.

I challenge you to do this on a daily basis. Think about the positives in your day, every day. Even better if you can do it as a family and think of something you're looking forward to too.

For more information about 1:1 coaching for you or your child drop me a message to sam.safespaces@gmail.com or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

02/12/2025

🦋🌞 Following from my live yesterday 🌞🦋

If you watched my live yesterday (thank you!) you'll know I mentioned a printable reminders sheet that I've created to pop on your fridge during this crazy month. Here is a link to it on my product site:

https://shop.beacons.ai/safespaceswithsam/9f581df4-47ae-4f0e-abdf-a474561ab6a2

Please do share with others who would benefit, it's FREE!!

For more information about 1:1 coaching for you or your child drop me a message to sam.safespaces@gmail.com or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

01/12/2025

🦋🌞 Let's talk Emotionally based school avoidance 🌞🦋

Emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA) is unfortunately something I am seeing more and more frequently at Safe Spaces HQ, so it's a subject I wanted to talk about to raise awareness and perhaps help those who are struggling right now.

No child skips into school happily every day, just as none of us love getting up for work each day, however much we might love our jobs. So what are we actually talking about with EBSA? How is it different from this meh feeling that we can all relate to!?

When a child has severe anxiety and fear at the thought of attending school, on a regular basis, it's EBSA. It is not defiance or truancy. They will be experiencing intense emotions and often physical symptoms too, as their brain, for whatever reason, is telling them school isn't safe and puts them into fight or flight mode.

It is extremely distressing as a parent to cope with, battling with wondering whether it's best to force them in, so they and you don't get into trouble, or feeling it's pandering to them if you let them stay home and turning it into a habit. An impossible situation.

What is vital is that you reach out for help, ideally from the school who are well versed at dealing with EBSA students. Whether they have a good strategy in place is of course another matter. Certainly my experience of dealing with schools is mixed, but I do feel they're getting better which is good news.

Firstly it's important to try and get to the bottom of what is causing the anxiety, what is it about school that is making them feel unsafe? At this point strategies can be discussed to help. Luckily I have the advantage of being a current teacher, so know what is realistic to be requesting as reasonable adjustments.

It's also vital that any back to school plan is done very slowly and at the child's own pace, so they feel in control and safe at each step. This is where I get the animal russian dolls out and we discuss comfort zones, starting with penguin and ending with the big elephant comfort zone. We talk about what each step will look like in between and how we'll build up slowly.

Another important factor is starting this process as early as possible, I see the best success from the superstars who have sought help as soon as they see EBSA is happening and it's more than just a little blip. This ensures their brain doesn't get too comfortable at home and reinforcing the message that school isn't safe and home is.

If you feel that you could benefit from coaching drop me a message to sam.safespaces@gmail.com or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

01/12/2025