Safe Spaces with Sam

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Safe Spaces with Sam offers 1:1 therapeutic coaching and small group sessions for children, adolescents and their parents in key aspects of mental health and wellbeing.

🦋🌞Creating a positive mindset in our children 🌞🦋When I took my girls to their trampolining session recently, the way the...
10/11/2025

🦋🌞Creating a positive mindset in our children 🌞🦋

When I took my girls to their trampolining session recently, the way the class progressed for one of them really got me thinking on this very subject.

My youngest has been working on her front somersaults for a while now and showed some great progress last week, managing to land two of them on her feet.

By the end of her lesson this week she was landing them on her feet consistently, had done 17 in total and was super proud of herself. So it got me thinking about what contributed to this progress.

During the lesson I was giving her lots of praise and encouragement, this is an obvious way of creating a positive mindset to keep going and keep trying.

Practice the word 'yet' on the end of negative sentences eg 'I'm just not getting it' - YET!

The coach told her to see herself landing on her feet and this helped enormously, she said it did and every time he said it, she did it. I know from my level 5 course that the mind is hugely powerful and can't distinguish between the real and imagined, so if you picture yourself doing something, it will think it's already happened and you'll be able to do it 'again' successfully.

Reminding them about how we need to build our neural pathways to do something well. In other less scientific terms, practice makes progress and eventually nailing that new skill.

The more a child does precisely this, the more it proves this point. You can then remind them of this next time they find something new challenging and tell them they just need to form that new neural pathway by practising and not giving up.

I wish I'd known this a lot earlier in my life because I'm sure I would have stuck at things a lot more in the knowledge that I would get it /be better at it if I practiced.

Each failure is a step closer to getting it right:

F- first
A - attempt
I - in
L - learning

For more information about 1:1 coaching drop me an email to sam.safespaces@gmail.com or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

09/11/2025

🦋🌞An action packed week🌞🦋

🦋🌞Love languages🌞🦋Last year I did a masterclass all about love languages and how this relates to parenting, from the ama...
09/11/2025

🦋🌞Love languages🌞🦋

Last year I did a masterclass all about love languages and how this relates to parenting, from the amazing Nicola Edwards at Dandelion.

I knew of love languages, but only ever thought of them in relation to relationships with a partner. Therefore relating it to my parenting, that received from my own parents and what my children prefer was very interesting and thought provoking.

As a parent it is important we try and show love to our children in every area, particularly up to age 8. After this time children may start to show a preference to which is their love language of choice, at which point we can zone in on this.

We may display a different love language to different people, or in different circumstances. It can also adapt and change over time too. Have a think about which you give, like to receive and if this is different for different people.

Sometimes conflict in families can be found to be a difference in the love language being displayed and the love language yearned for. A teen who feels their parent ignores them and doesn’t love them, may crave quality time, but the parent feels their teen is ungrateful because they give acts of service, which aren’t appreciated or even noticed.

In coaching this can be discovered, addressed and correction’s made, with both the parent and child understanding each other. This is another really useful tool in my coaching knowledge to think about in my sessions with families.

If you feel coaching could help your child, email me sam.safespaces@gmail.com for an information pack, or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

🦋🌞How many sessions will my child need?🌞🦋This is a question that I get asked a lot and the simple answer is, it depends ...
08/11/2025

🦋🌞How many sessions will my child need?🌞🦋

This is a question that I get asked a lot and the simple answer is, it depends on the issues and the child. I have some superstars that feel one session is enough, they learn lots about themselves and their brain in their first session and chat through some strategies to go away and put into place.

Other superstars I see on a long term basis as their needs are more complex and they need that regular session to talk things through. I have some that will book one off sessions as and when things get tricky.

I offer sessions during school hours on a Monday and Wednesday and selected evening slots 5.15-6.15 & 6.30-7.30. My evening slots get booked up very quickly, therefore it is advisable to book a block of 4 sessions to ensure continuity and if they're not needed I will refund you the rest in full, no quibbles and I'm always honest about whether they're needed. Plus of course you can be in the sessions yourself, so you can tell if more are required.

For more information about 1:1 coaching drop me an email to sam.safespaces@gmail.com or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

🦋🌞School anxiety 🌞🦋I'm sure most of you have mornings when your child(ren) say they have a tummy ache, or simply say the...
07/11/2025

🦋🌞School anxiety 🌞🦋

I'm sure most of you have mornings when your child(ren) say they have a tummy ache, or simply say they don't want to go to school.

This is usually just normal nerves related to something specific that day, which can be cuddled and reassured away and all is fine.

However, sometimes the tummy ache can continue for a number of days and perhaps the anxiety about school gets worse. When it's exam time or a transition coming up.

The diagram here explains how the worry about going to school is temporarily relieved by avoiding it, but this then leads to more anxiety at the thought of going back after missing school and so it goes on.

This cycle can be broken through coaching and an understanding school willing to work with the child, taking small steps and having a gentle plan in place.

Have a read of this article written by the amazing Nicky Edwards who trained me, over at Dandelion training.

https://dandeliontraininganddevelopment.com/2022/06/emotionally-based-school-avoidance/

If you are interested in some coaching sessions for school anxiety or any mental wellbeing issues, drop me an email at sam.safespaces@gmail.com and I will send you an information pack.

🌞🦋Understanding Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)🌞🦋As a parent, you want to shield your child from pain and hurt. Bu...
06/11/2025

🌞🦋Understanding Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)🌞🦋

As a parent, you want to shield your child from pain and hurt. But what if they experience intense emotional pain from perceived rejection, even when none was intended?

RSD is a condition where individuals experience extreme emotional sensitivity to rejection or criticism, often stemming from past experiences. It can lead to anxiety, self-doubt, and avoidance behaviors.

*How can you help as a parent?*

1️⃣ *Validate their feelings*: Let your child know that their emotions are real and valid.
2️⃣ *Create a safe space*: Encourage open conversations and listen without judgment.
3️⃣ *Foster self-compassion*: Teach your child to be kind to themselves and reframe negative self-talk.
4️⃣ *Model healthy relationships*: Show your child what healthy communication and boundaries look like.
5️⃣ *Get them to challenge their perceptions*: Have they jumped to conclusions? Is what they're saying fact or does it actually not have any evidence? Could they have misinterpreted the situation?

Many people struggle with RSD, and with the right support, your child can learn to manage their emotions and build resilience. This is one of the many we tackle in coaching.

For more information drop me a message to sam.safespaces@gmail.com or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

🌞🦋Busy day today 🦋🌞On a Wednesday I go mobile and travel to see 4 of my superstars. As you can see by my jam packed boot...
05/11/2025

🌞🦋Busy day today 🦋🌞

On a Wednesday I go mobile and travel to see 4 of my superstars. As you can see by my jam packed boot, I try to replicate Safe Spaces HQ as closely as I can - or at least as much as my arms will allow!

If you were unaware I can travel to your home or your child's school, I just ask for a little extra in travel expenses. For more information about 1:1 coaching for you or your child drop me a message to sam.safespaces@gmail.com or visit http://safe-spaces.squate.site

🌞🦋Teen self esteem 🦋🌞Something that has been coming up a lot at Safe Spaces HQ recently is teen self esteem, so I though...
04/11/2025

🌞🦋Teen self esteem 🦋🌞

Something that has been coming up a lot at Safe Spaces HQ recently is teen self esteem, so I thought I'd share some tips of how you can help at home.

1️⃣ *Listen without judgment*: Sometimes, all your teen needs is someone to listen without offering solutions or criticism. If you've not read it before my top tip to aid conversation is to have it side by side eg on a car journey, it takes the pressure off having to make eye contact.

2️⃣ *Praise effort, not just results*: Focus on the hard work and progress, not just the grades or achievements. School is so focused on results, the last thing they need is more pressure.

3️⃣ *Encourage positive self-talk*: Help your teen notice and challenge negative self-talk, and encourage them to be kind to themselves. Help them to reframe the way they're looking at things if it starts to get negative.

4️⃣ *Support their passions*: Encourage your teen to explore their interests and passions, even if they're not your thing! Take an interest in what they're doing and practice those active listening skills.

5️⃣ *Model healthy self-esteem*: Show your teen what self-acceptance and self-compassion look like by practicing it yourself. Show them you take the time to do things you love and are for your self care.

6️⃣*Help them find those glimmers*: Make it part of your daily routine to discuss the positives of your days, the glimmers you noticed and what you're looking forward to. This will help everyone to stay more positive.

For more information about 1:1 coaching for you or your child drop me a message to sam.safespaces@gmail.com or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

🦋🌞A very important request for older teens 🌞🦋I've had a few superstars at Safe Spaces HQ recently, struggling with their...
04/11/2025

🦋🌞A very important request for older teens 🌞🦋

I've had a few superstars at Safe Spaces HQ recently, struggling with their friendships. It's got me thinking about how long I've been hearing the same stories, about children being left out of meet ups, excluded from chat groups and generally not being treated very kindly.

I also know that those same children and teens who are now older, got over this hurt and upset, realised they were far better off without them and have since moved on, learnt their boundaries and are bigger people as a result.

So my request is for anyone with whom this resonates to comment below, or message me with what you would tell your younger self when it was all going on. It would be amazing to be able to reassure my superstars that they'll be ok, it sounds far better coming from someone younger that has recently lived it, than from me!

Thank you in advance, I really appreciate it.

🦋🌞What's the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown?🌞🦋This was a great discussion I had recently on one of my class...
03/11/2025

🦋🌞What's the difference between a tantrum and a meltdown?🌞🦋

This was a great discussion I had recently on one of my classroom days for my level 5 parenting course.

Simply put a tantrum is behaviour usually displayed on purpose when the child is trying to get their own way. For example stamping their feet and crying in a shop when they're told they can't have a toy- we've all been there!

They're relying on either previous experience where this worked and in an attempt to make them stop through embarrassment or sheer exhaustion, the parent gives in and they get what they want, or trying their luck this time. Yes they're dysregulated in that moment and certainly frustrated, but they're in control, at least to begin with.

At this point distraction and removing the situation can help, or simply ignoring it. A great tip for the very example I gave is to let them have a photo holding the thing they want on the promise to add it to their birthday list, it's a great compromise.

A meltdown conversely is where the child is not in control of their emotions any longer, their behaviour is as a result of extreme dysregulation. Their regulation strategies at this stage will fail as they're too late. At this stage co- regulation strategies are the most successful, which take time to master.

Coaching is a great way to learn how to deal with both of these, so if you'd like to find out more drop me a message to sam.safespaces@gmail.com or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

🦋🌞There's no denying that the festive season is coming!🌞🦋As we dive into the magic of Christmas, let's not forget that i...
02/11/2025

🦋🌞There's no denying that the festive season is coming!🌞🦋

As we dive into the magic of Christmas, let's not forget that it can be really overwhelming for our superstars.

The noise, crowds, and endless stimulation can be too much for their under developed minds and bodies.

Here are some gentle reminders to help make Christmas more enjoyable for everyone.

*Allow for downtime and quiet moments.
*Set realistic expectations- don't feel you have to keep up with that perfect Instagram family!
*Prioritise routines and familiar comforts.
*Encourage gratitude and kindness.
*Make time for outdoor play and fresh air.
*Don't forget your strategies for regulation, for you too!

Let's make this Christmas season joyful, not stressful, for our kids, here is my (now shameful when I look back) story, where I really didn't know what I know now unfortunately!)

I'll never forget around 5 years ago now, trying to get the kids ready on Christmas eve for our drive around the area in our pyjamas to see the Christmas lights, before coming back to do the reindeer food, mince pie and the night before Christmas story. My eldest was extremely dysregulated as we'd had a busy day and my stress at creating a perfect eve was definitely rubbing off. She refused to get into her matching pyjamas and was being very challenging.

I just couldn't understand why she wouldn't be excited and want to do as she was told. Of course I told her she was going to ruin everything and raised my voice.

This obviously escalated the situation and made everyone tense and dysregulated! Now of course we don't have the same pressure, we have stripped back our expectations, we put lots of strategies in place to cope and are much more comfortable with adapting things if needed. Striving for that perfect photo to show everyone on Facebook what a perfect family we are is definitely not a priority!!

For more information about coaching for your child or teen, drop me an email to sam.safespaces@gmail.com or visit http://safe-spaces.square.site

02/11/2025

🦋🌞Busy half term week🌞🦋

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Crawley

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Monday 10am - 2pm
Wednesday 10am - 2pm

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