10/03/2026
People often think the hardest part of parenting SEND children is the children themselves…
For me, having AuDHD kids isn’t the difficult part.
Of course there are harder days (no family is perfect, are they?) but that isn’t what I find hard in the scheme of things. The challenges our family has faced are the same ones I hear from so many other SEND parents.
For many of us, the hardest part of parenting SEND children is actually the system-or sometimes the complete lack of one! Maybe it’s the world around them, because when our children don’t fit neatly into society’s boxes, families are often treated as a problem.
It’s being ignored by teachers when you raise concerns. It’s watching your child struggling in a pit you can’t reach them in. It’s being told it’s your fault because you’re “too soft”, and being sent on parenting courses to “do better”. It’s the guilt and the constant questioning of yourself.
It’s your gut screaming that your child needs help, only to be gaslit when you ask for it. It’s being told “we don’t see that here” or “you just need to try harder.” It’s watching your child use every ounce of energy they have just to hold themselves together at school.
It’s children using every single ounce of energy they have to hold it together at school (masking), only to expolode at home after- in the one place they feel safe.
It’s the referral forms & the 4 year waiting lists.
The 3 year wait for CAMHS CBT. It’s CAMHS turning away children’s mental health needs because they are autistic. It’s assessments that could help (like sensory ones) being refused.
It’s the admin too. So much fu***ng admin.
Many of us parents are a bit spicy ourselves, so admin isn’t always our strength. The constant emails, the chasing, the DLA forms, the referrals, chasing reviews, EHCP applications, working documents, tribunal appeals.
It’s having to become your child’s teacher, advocate, researcher, therapist, caseworker and lawyer all at once when all you ever wanted to be was mum and dad. It’s learning laws and systems you never expected to understand, just to make sure your child isn’t left behind.
Parents literally lose their jobs to support their children! Some children cannot attend school at all because it makes them so sick. And some parents slowly lose parts of themselves too-identity, friendships, health, the spark they once had - all in the name of advocacy.
For some families, the parenting itself can feel incredibly hard too because raising children without the right support around you is exhausting. But we do it because we have to. Because no one else will fight for our children the way we will.
Sometimes it’s important for parents to take a step back and really see their children -not just the meetings, paperwork and the systems around them.
It’s easy to become consumed by the fight for support end understanding, But our children are still just children. Funny, brilliant, unique perfect little humans who deserve to be seen for exactly who they are ❤️
