10/03/2026
People often think the hardest part of parenting SEND children is the children themselvesâŚ
For me, having AuDHD kids isnât the difficult part.
Of course there are harder days (no family is perfect, are they?) but that isnât what I find hard in the scheme of things. The challenges our family has faced are the same ones I hear from so many other SEND parents.
For many of us, the hardest part of parenting SEND children is actually the system-or sometimes the complete lack of one! Maybe itâs the world around them, because when our children donât fit neatly into societyâs boxes, families are often treated as a problem.
Itâs being ignored by teachers when you raise concerns. Itâs watching your child struggling in a pit you canât reach them in. Itâs being told itâs your fault because youâre âtoo softâ, and being sent on parenting courses to âdo betterâ. Itâs the guilt and the constant questioning of yourself.
Itâs your gut screaming that your child needs help, only to be gaslit when you ask for it. Itâs being told âwe donât see that hereâ or âyou just need to try harder.â Itâs watching your child use every ounce of energy they have just to hold themselves together at school.
Itâs children using every single ounce of energy they have to hold it together at school (masking), only to expolode at home after- in the one place they feel safe.
Itâs the referral forms & the 4 year waiting lists.
The 3 year wait for CAMHS CBT. Itâs CAMHS turning away childrenâs mental health needs because they are autistic. Itâs assessments that could help (like sensory ones) being refused.
Itâs the admin too. So much fu***ng admin.
Many of us parents are a bit spicy ourselves, so admin isnât always our strength. The constant emails, the chasing, the DLA forms, the referrals, chasing reviews, EHCP applications, working documents, tribunal appeals.
Itâs having to become your childâs teacher, advocate, researcher, therapist, caseworker and lawyer all at once when all you ever wanted to be was mum and dad. Itâs learning laws and systems you never expected to understand, just to make sure your child isnât left behind.
Parents literally lose their jobs to support their children! Some children cannot attend school at all because it makes them so sick. And some parents slowly lose parts of themselves too-identity, friendships, health, the spark they once had - all in the name of advocacy.
For some families, the parenting itself can feel incredibly hard too because raising children without the right support around you is exhausting. But we do it because we have to. Because no one else will fight for our children the way we will.
Sometimes itâs important for parents to take a step back and really see their children -not just the meetings, paperwork and the systems around them.
Itâs easy to become consumed by the fight for support end understanding, But our children are still just children. Funny, brilliant, unique perfect little humans who deserve to be seen for exactly who they are â¤ď¸
