07/12/2025
Yesterday I said goodbye for a very long time to someone I love very much ..
I was feeling angry and judgemental and under that was hurt and i was in pain and under that scared and in fear
It really spoiled the loving parting I had envisioned and then I was just angry at myself for not being able to feel ok
More pain on the pain
Knowing I could go too but chose to stay didn’t have any resonance as in the moment of parting
Feeling the hurt of not going and not knowing which is deeper at its root
My little 5 year old girl screaming out for her mother as she walks out never knowing if she will see her again
World ending feelings deep in tissues and bone
This time my choice and we chose eachother to feel it all now
We chose our circumstance to grow and expand into the beautiful humans we are
The pain memory I have felt before and yet still there is something there for me
A gift to live
To really want to fu***ng live
To understand me and my hurts and scares and the power that lies within loving them Wholy , liberating them
Liberating more of ME
The sacred in the scared
The power under the pi**ed offness
The truth
“ what you bring forth within you will save you
What you do not bring forth within you will destroy you “
Gospel of St Thomas ( aka possibly Mary Magdalene )
Physically I feel grief stricken
Body tender
Aching heart
All my inner archetypes yearn for what’s in me without outer Blame and judgements on parents , lovers and others
For now i don’t want to avoid the pain
I want to feel it
to bring myself to safety and on the other side of this descent
Willingly chosen - a new world awakens in my bones and blood
I also understand more of why I can expertly go there with . hold and hear others as they feel their pain in safety too so they don’t have to play it out anymore and can surrender into trusting themselves again and why I do this for work
I bloody love being that woman
📸 after leaving the airport I cried and cried . I felt lost and alone and remember the pleats on my mothers skirt I tugged onto as she pulled away and walked out in a fury
A dusky pink skirt
I have felt her
I have been her
then I saw this rainbow 🌈
A great reminder of why I’m
Here - there’s more !
I fu***ng love my home town
I AM SAFE
I am LOVE ❤️
I AM HOME