David Meakin Coaching

18/02/2026

17/02/2026

The Invisible Addictions Keeping You Exhausted
Dopamine Depletion & ‘Soft’ Addictions (Women 40+)

What if the habits you use to relax… are actually the very things draining your energy?
Not big addictions.
Not rock bottom behaviour.
Just the quiet, everyday ones.
The ones no one questions.

“I DON’T DO ANYTHING BAD… SO WHY AM I SO TIRED?”
A client once said to me:
“I don’t smoke. I barely drink. I eat pretty well. I don’t party. So why do I feel so exhausted all the time?”
Then we walked through her evenings:
Phone scrolling for an hour. Wine most nights “to switch off.” Netflix until midnight. Sugar “treats” after dinner. Snacking when stressed.
Nothing extreme.
Just constant tiny comforts.
By bedtime her brain wasn’t rested…
It was fried.

This is what I call “soft addictions” — coping habits that don’t look dramatic but quietly tax your system:
* constant phone scrolling
* sugar cravings
* wine every night
* Netflix binges
* emotional snacking
* online shopping
* endless podcasts/noise
* never being bored
Not addiction-addiction.
Just: 👉 “I deserve this” 👉 “I need this to relax” 👉 “It’s my only me-time”
But somehow… you wake up more tired than before.

WHAT’S ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Here’s where brain chemistry explains everything.
Psychiatrist Anna Lembke, author of Dopamine Nation, explains a simple but powerful rule:
Dopamine spikes → crashes → lower baseline → need more stimulation
Every “quick comfort” gives a spike:
* scrolling
* sugar
* wine
* binge watching
Your brain releases dopamine: “Ahhh relief.”
But afterwards?
It dips below baseline.
Meaning:
* less motivation
* lower mood
* more irritability
* more fatigue
So you crave another hit.
Not because you’re weak.
Because your brain is trying to get back to normal.

WHY THIS HITS HARDER IN MIDLIFE
Now layer this onto perimenopause:
Hormones shift → dopamine tone already lower, Sleep disruption → recovery worse Cortisol higher → stress load heavier, Emotional labour → mental fatigue constant
So what used to be harmless…
now hits like a truck.
Your brain has less buffer.
Which means:
* crashes feel deeper
* cravings feel stronger
* motivation feels weaker
The same habits suddenly cost more.

THE LOOP MOST WOMEN DON’T SEE
It becomes this invisible cycle:
stress → scroll / wine / sugar → short relief → dopamine crash → lower baseline → more fatigue/anxiety → less willpower → repeat
You’re not relaxing.
You’re borrowing tomorrow’s energy.
With interest.

REFRAME — REMOVE THE SHAME
This part matters most.
It’s not:
✖ lack of discipline
✖ bad habits
✖ “why can’t I just stop”
✖ personal failure
It’s:
✔ self-medicating a stressed nervous system
✔ trying to soothe emotional overload
✔ trying to cope with depleted brain chemistry
These habits aren’t the enemy.
They’re outdated survival strategies.
Your brain saying:
“Please… just give me something that feels good.”
We just need better tools.

THE NUANCE (IMPORTANT)
This isn’t about:
❌ cutting everything fun
❌ monk-mode living
❌ perfection
❌ never watching Netflix or drinking wine again
It’s about:
👉 reducing artificial dopamine spikes 👉 restoring natural dopamine rhythms
Because real energy comes from stability, not stimulation.

QUESTIONS TO REFLECT ON
• What do I reach for when I feel stressed or empty?
• Does this habit actually restore me… or just numb me?
• How do I feel 30 minutes after?
• What leaves me genuinely energised vs foggy?
• Where am I confusing “distraction” with “recovery”?

STRATEGY — “DOPAMINE RESETS”
We don’t quit life.
We reset the system.
Try gentle dopamine resets:
✅ phone boundaries (no scroll mornings/nights)
✅ alcohol-free weeks
✅ walking after meals
✅ strength training
✅ sunlight exposure
✅ boredom tolerance (no constant stimulation)
✅ cold showers or discomfort training
✅ breathwork / nervous system regulation
✅ real conversation
✅ creative hobbies
These create: slow, steady dopamine → higher baseline → more natural motivation → better energy → less craving
You start wanting fewer quick hits because you don’t need them.

Comfort coping might feel like relief…
…but it’s often stealing tomorrow’s energy.

📤 Share with a woman who’s exhausted but “doing nothing wrong”

16/02/2026

Your body doesn’t want snacks… it wants stability.

Most women think they struggle with food at night…

but biologically, the problem usually starts in the morning.

If your first intake of the day is coffee… or something light like toast or fruit — your body stays in a stress state.

Your brain then spends the whole day trying to catch up on energy and safety.

That’s why at 8 or 9pm you suddenly want sugar, snacks or wine…
It’s not lack of discipline — it’s compensation.

So here’s a very simple rule I give clients:

Eat around 30 grams of protein before caffeine in the morning.

You don’t need to diet.
You don’t need willpower.

You stabilise the body early…
and the cravings later often disappear on their own.

Most evening overeating isn’t an evening problem.

It’s a first-meal problem.

12/02/2026

Why Nothing Feels Rewarding Anymore
Dopamine, Anhedonia & The Midlife Flatness (Women 40+)

Have you noticed that things that used to feel exciting…
just feel like effort now?
Not sad. Not depressed. Just… flat.
No spark. No drive. No “I can’t wait.”

Just:
“Everything feels heavier than it should.”

THE QUIET LOSS OF DRIVE
A woman said to me recently:
“Nothing’s wrong with my life… I just don’t feel excited about anything anymore.”
Same job.
Same family.
Same routines.
But:
* hobbies felt pointless
* workouts felt forced
* socialising felt draining
* even rest didn’t feel rewarding

She thought: “Maybe I’m lazy… or ungrateful… or just getting old.”

But when we looked deeper, this wasn’t a personality problem.

It was physiology.
Her reward system was exhausted.

If this sounds familiar, you might recognise:
* “I used to have drive”
* “Everything feels like effort”
* “I can’t get motivated”
* “Even things I enjoy don’t feel that enjoyable”
* “I just feel… flat”

This has a name in neuroscience:
👉 Anhedonia (the reduced ability to feel pleasure or reward)
And it’s incredibly common in midlife women.

WHAT’S ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Your motivation system isn’t powered by willpower.

It’s powered by dopamine.
Dopamine drives:
* motivation
* anticipation
* focus
* follow-through
* “this feels worth it”
Not happiness — drive.

Here’s the part most women never hear:
Oestrogen directly interacts with dopamine pathways.
When oestrogen fluctuates or declines during perimenopause:
* dopamine tone drops
* rewards feel less rewarding
* effort feels heavier
* recovery takes longer
So the same life suddenly feels 2–3x harder.

Addiction psychiatrist Anna Lembke, author of Dopamine Nation, explains that modern life constantly overstimulates dopamine with:
* scrolling
* sugar
* alcohol
* binge watching
* constant notifications
These create spikes… then crashes.

Over time:
👉 baseline dopamine drops
Which means:
* less motivation
* less pleasure
* more “blah”
* needing more stimulation just to feel normal

Now layer that on top of:
* hormone changes
* sleep disruption
* chronic stress
* emotional labour
And the brain enters what I call:
“Low-dopamine conservation mode”

Your system basically says:
“Energy is scarce. Stop chasing. Conserve.”
That’s not laziness.
That’s biology protecting you.

It’s not:
✖ laziness
✖ lack of discipline
✖ loss of ambition
✖ “you just don’t try anymore”

It’s:
✔ neurochemistry
✔ hormones
✔ stress load
✔ energy economics
It’s an energy budget problem, not a motivation problem.

Your brain simply isn’t getting enough “reward signal” to justify effort.
So it downshifts.

Here’s where it gets deeper.
Low dopamine isn’t just hormonal.
It’s also behavioural.
Because when you feel flat, you naturally reach for:
* scrolling
* sugar
* wine
* Netflix
* comfort food

Quick relief.
But these create cheap dopamine spikes that crash harder later.
Which makes tomorrow feel even flatter.
It becomes a loop:
fatigue → quick hit → crash → lower baseline → more fatigue
Not weakness.
Self-medication.

QUESTIONS TO REFLECT ON
• When did I last feel genuinely excited or curious?
• What activities leave me energised vs numb?
• Where am I chasing “quick hits” instead of deep rewards?
• Is my brain under-stimulated… or overstimulated?
• What would happen if I supported my biology instead of blaming myself?

STRATEGY — RESTORE DOPAMINE NATURALLY

Not hacks.
Not forcing motivation.
We rebuild baseline dopamine.
Start with “foundational dopamine”:
These create slow, sustainable reward:
✅ protein-first meals (amino acids → dopamine production)
✅ strength training
✅ morning sunlight
✅ walking outdoors
✅ novelty & learning
✅ completing small tasks
✅ meaningful connection
✅ deep rest & sleep

Reduce “cheap dopamine”:
⚠️ endless scrolling
⚠️ sugar binges
⚠️ nightly alcohol
⚠️ constant multitasking
⚠️ overstimulation

Think: Less spike → less crash → higher baseline → more natural drive.
Motivation returns when chemistry stabilises.

Maybe you didn’t lose motivation.
Maybe your brain just lost reward sensitivity.
And that’s fixable.

🔁 Save this for the days you think you’re “lazy”

10/02/2026

Men, Midlife & Misunderstanding: A Communication Gap, Not a Character Flaw

A lot of men don’t dismiss menopause out of malice…
they dismiss it out of confusion.

And confusion often becomes defensiveness.

THE MALE LENS (Non-Blaming + Realistic):
Men are largely conditioned to:
✓ fix problems
✓ reduce discomfort (fast)
✓ seek certainty
✓ avoid emotional ambiguity

Menopause is the opposite of that:
✗ it can’t be fixed on demand
✗ it changes daily
✗ nobody knows “how long” it will last
✗ it affects identity, not just symptoms

That mismatch often creates conflict that isn’t about a lack of care — it’s about a lack of tools.

WHAT MEN OFTEN MISS:
Menopause isn’t:
• just hot flushes
• just hormones
• just attitude
• just mood
It’s alterations in:
• brain chemistry
• executive function
• sensory sensitivity
• social identity
• stress thresholds
• energy availability

HOW TO SHIFT THE CONVERSATION (This Part Is Gold):
Women often ask for validation
Men often offer solutions
Both are attempts at love, just different dialects.

Try replacing:
❌ “I’m suffering” (heard as “fix me”)
with:
✨ “I need you to be with me in this, not fix it.”

Or:
❌ “You don’t understand”
with:
✨ “Menopause affects my brain, mood, stress, and energy — it’s not personal, it’s physiological.”

WHAT MAKES IT LAND FOR MEN:
Men respond to:
✓ specificity
✓ context
✓ mechanism
✓ impact on the relationship

Example:

“When my sleep drops, my stress tolerance crashes.
I need more gentleness on those weeks, not criticism.”

This isn’t weakness — it’s information.

THE SHARED GOAL:
Midlife goes better when the relationship shifts from:
vs → “me vs you”
to
us → “us vs the unknown”

STRATEGIES TO CREATE TEAM ENERGY:
• narrate the internal experience, not just the overwhelm
• ask for partnership, not rescue
• explain the physiology, not just the feelings
• allow him to contribute (men bond through usefulness)
• make room for his fears too (men’s fear often shows as anger or withdrawal)

IMPORTANT NUANCE:
Support doesn’t mean saintliness.
Caregiving fatigue is real.
Identity grief is real — for both partners.

Healthy relationships survive midlife because they renegotiate roles, not because they pretend nothing changed.

Menopause isn’t a marriage problem.
But it can expose communication gaps that were easier to ignore before.

When both nervous systems feel safer, both people do better.

✨ “Has anyone else noticed the communication gap during this phase?”
✨ “What made support easier for you?”
✨ “What did partners get wrong — or surprisingly right?”

10/02/2026

When life feels overwhelming, don’t always push harder.
Sometimes the answer is slow down, breathe, reset.

Tonight’s self-care = yoga 🧘‍♀️
Taking care of my nervous system first.

09/02/2026

When Symptoms Are Real, but the Suffering Comes From Not Being Seen!

Sometimes the hardest part of midlife isn’t the symptoms —
it’s how the symptoms are witnessed.

A lot of women expect hot flushes, mood shifts, fatigue, pain, anxiety, bloating, or changes in sleep.
What blindsides them is the loneliness of feeling misunderstood inside their own home.

I’ve worked with women who said things like:
“Once I explained what was happening, he softened.”
and others who said:
“I wasn’t believed until a doctor said the word menopause.”
and others still who whispered:
“It wasn’t the symptoms that hurt me… it was feeling dismissed.”

Psychologist Gabor Maté talks about attunement — being emotionally seen without judgement.
Attunement doesn’t remove symptoms…
but it softens the nervous system so the body isn’t fighting stress and invisibility at the same time.

Menopause isn’t just hormonal.
It affects:
• brain chemistry (oestrogen → serotonin + dopamine modulation)
• stress reactivity (less buffering → more overwhelm)
• identity and cognition (executive function + self-concept)
• nervous system safety (polyvagal lens)

When the nervous system feels unsafe, symptoms amplify.
When it feels seen, they often soften — not magically, but biologically.

REFLECTION QUESTIONS:
• What do my symptoms need — validation, solutions, or space?
• Where do I feel supported, and where do I feel misunderstood?
• Who actually witnesses me? (and who just observes me?)

Midlife isn’t just a physiological transition.
It’s a relational transition.
The body is renegotiating its boundaries, and relationships have to renegotiate theirs too.

08/02/2026

🔥 You Don’t Need More Willpower

Can I save you years of self-blame in 30 seconds?

You don’t lack discipline.
You lack support.

Nobody has willpower at 7pm after a long, stressful day.

That’s not a mindset problem.
That’s biology.

Decision fatigue is real.
Your brain literally burns through fuel all day.
By evening, your self-control centre is tired.

So “try harder” was never the answer.

Stop relying on willpower.
Start designing your environment.

Lay the gym clothes out.
Prep food before you’re hungry.
Keep trigger snacks out of sight.
Train with a friend.
Automate the good choices.

Make the healthy choice the easy choice.

Because consistency isn’t character.

It’s setup.

You don’t win by fighting yourself.
You win by building a life that carries you.

06/02/2026

🔥 Why Overwhelm Hits Harder After 40
�Ever feel like you just can’t deal lately… even with small things?
�Like noise is louder…�people are more draining…�and your tolerance is just… gone?

That’s not you becoming fragile.
It’s your nervous system.

Chronic stress raises cortisol.�And cortisol lowers dopamine.

Which means less patience… less resilience… less bandwidth.
So the same life suddenly feels heavier.

Your brain isn’t failing.
It’s protecting you.
�Instead of trying to be tougher…�reduce the load.�
Fewer commitments. More recovery.�Your capacity comes back when you feel safe.

04/02/2026

🔥 The Invisible Habits Draining Your Energy

Some of the things you use to relax…
might actually be making you more tired.

I see this all the time with women in their 40s and 50s.

Scrolling at night.
Wine to switch off.
Sugar when stressed.
Netflix binges.

Nothing extreme. Totally normal.

But here’s what most people don’t realise…

Every one of those gives a quick dopamine hit —
then a crash.

And when that happens over and over, your brain lowers your baseline.

So now:
you feel flatter
more tired
less motivated
even when life isn’t that hard

So you reach for another hit.

Not because you’re lazy.
Because your brain is trying to feel normal again.

It’s a loop.
Not a character flaw — just chemistry.

Here’s the shift:

Swap “numbing” for “restoring.”

A short walk.
Daylight.
Protein.
A few sets of strength work.
A real conversation.
Actual sleep.

These don’t spike dopamine…
they rebuild it.

One drains you.
The other refuels you.

Energy doesn’t come from escape —
it comes from recovery.

03/02/2026

Isolation vs Protection (Women 40+)

YOU’RE NOT “GOING WEIRD”, YOU’RE PROTECTING CAPACITY
If you’ve been isolating more in midlife, it doesn’t always mean you’re withdrawing —sometimes it means you’re protecting.

So many women tell me things like:
“I used to love parties… now the idea exhausts me.” “I can’t do small talk anymore. It feels physically painful.”“I need days to recover after family gatherings.”

Crowds. Noise. Drama. Even “normal” conversation can suddenly feel like too much.
Not because you’ve stopped liking people. But because your nervous system can’t afford the energy expenditure it once could —especially on top of hormones shifting, sleep being disrupted, hot flushes, brain fog, work, kids, ageing parents, and the mental load.

It’s not that connection stopped mattering. It’s that your system is now asking:
“At what cost?”

IT’S NOT ANTISOCIAL, IT’S ADAPTIVE
Perimenopause and menopause aren’t just about periods stopping. They involve shifts in:
* oestrogen & progesterone (impacting mood, arousal, sensitivity, cognition)
* stress hormones like cortisol
* sleep quality & recovery capacity

Oestrogen interacts with neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, and GABA, all of which influence mood, stress tolerance, and emotional bandwidth. When oestrogen declines or fluctuates, women often notice they’re:
* more sensitive to noise & stimulation
* less tolerant of conflict or drama
* quicker to overwhelm, slower to recover

Your brain starts prioritising safety, predictability, and conservation over social performance. That’s not you “becoming antisocial”. That’s your system adapting to a new reality.

Isolation can sometimes be a maladaptive coping strategy… but it can also be an early attempt at self-protection before you’ve learned healthier boundaries and curated connection.

THE NERVOUS SYSTEM LAYER — WHY SOCIALISING FEELS DIFFERENT
From a nervous system perspective, midlife women are often:
* running on chronic sympathetic activation (fight/flight) from years of juggling responsibilities
* dealing with poorer sleep, which amplifies emotional reactivity and reduces resilience
* carrying decades of emotional labour and mental load

So situations that used to feel “lively” can now feel:
* overstimulating
* unpredictable
* energetically expensive

Your body quietly calculates:
“If I go to this event, how much recovery will I need after?”
It’s not that you hate people. It’s that your energy economics have changed.

ISOLATION VS PROTECTION
The key isn’t to label yourself as “isolating” or “fine”. It’s to understand why you’re pulling back.
Sometimes, stepping away is:
* a wise boundary
* a sign of growing self-respect
* a nervous system trying to downshift

Other times, it can drift into:
* numbing
* avoidance of vulnerability
* reinforcing beliefs like “no one gets me” or “I’m too much”
The work is to move from blanket withdrawal to intentional, curated connection.

QUESTIONS TO REFLECT ON
• Do I isolate to avoid overstimulation or to avoid disappointment? (Am I protecting my nervous system… or protecting myself from potential hurt/rejection?)
• What kind of connection feels nourishing vs draining? (Deep 1:1? Walks with a friend? Creative collaboration? Quiet company?)
• Who can I be fully myself with, without effort? (No performance. No mask. No managing their emotions.)
• How does my body feel after different types of connection? (Energised, calmer, flat, anxious, exhausted?)
• If I believed my sensitivity was wisdom, not weakness, what would I choose more/less of socially?

STRATEGY — MICRO-CONNECTION, NOT MASS SOCIALISING
Instead of forcing yourself back into broad socialising (“I should go, I should be more social”), experiment with micro-connection:
* one friend you feel safe with
* one real conversation instead of five shallow ones
* one shared activity (walk, coffee, craft, gym session)
* one place you feel regulated and at ease (a quiet café, nature, your living room)
Connection returns fastest when it’s curated, not pressured.

PRACTICAL IDEAS
This month, try:
* Sending one honest voice note to a trusted friend instead of replying in emojis to five group chats.
* Suggesting a walk-and-talk or gym session instead of a loud bar or crowded restaurant.
* Choosing one family event you attend fully present — and one you give yourself permission to leave early from or skip.
* Creating a tiny ritual of connection (e.g. tea + 10-minute check-in call with your closest person each Sunday).
You’re allowed to design a social life that your midlife nervous system can actually thrive in.

If you need more solitude now than you did at 25, it doesn’t mean:
✖ you’re broken
✖ you’re boring
✖ you’re failing at being “fun”
It often means:
✔ your body is done running on social obligation alone
✔ your nervous system is asking for quality over quantity
✔ your season of life requires deeper roots, not more branches
Sometimes, the path back to genuine connection starts with honouring your need for selective, safe, energy-matched relationships.

📤 Share it with a woman who thinks she’s withdrawing — but might actually be protecting.