Minds In Sinc

23/04/2026

The story we learnt to tell ourselves......

Before I reached a point in life when self compassion and understanding allowed me to 'rewrite' my story, my sense of worth was built on the lack of anyone truly 'showing up' for me. I internalised the lack of care as proof that 'I' was lacking. Believing that love depends on being “good enough" left me as a child with the distorted belief that I was the reason love didn’t arrive.
As an adult, that self compassion, and a gentler understanding of the past, allowed me to release the idea that “it was because of me.” Letting go doesn’t erase what happened, but it frees the heart to grow beyond it, allowing a new story to take shape. A story rooted not in self‑doubt, but in truth, worthiness, and the quiet relief of finally feeling safe enough to let the weight fall away.

This is a poem from the perspective of that little girl on one of the many occasions I was taken out of school for 'contact'. Never sure if Dad would show, and if he did, would spending time with me outweight the constant pull of alcohol.

Because of me .........

I see my freckles and my frizzy curls
In the cold wet window pane.
I search along each winding path
As I watch through wind and rain.
I wonder if you're well today.
Or if your day was tough.
I wonder if you'll come for me.
And if I'm good enough.
With each loud resounding tick.
Followed tirelessly by its tock.
I remember the song you sang to me.
And the money tucked in my sock.
I try to think of the good times.
When you've wanted to be around.
Because in remembering the bad times.
No solace have I found.
So I stare through the rain drops.
And see the freckles looking back at me.
I know if you don’t come today.
It will be because of me.

N.Maillie

21/04/2026

The Forest of Old Beliefs

Sometimes the hardest part of growth isn’t the goal itself — it’s the invisible weight we carry from the past.

But, those old, internal voices whispering “Not good enough,” “Too much,” “Failure,” aren’t trying to destroy us. They’re trying to protect us.

Our subconscious learned long ago that reaching for something new could mean rejection, loss, or danger. So it built a forest of warnings, beliefs carved into the roots and rocks of our path. To keep us “safe.”

But safety built on fear can become a cage.

Every time we reach toward the light of our potential, those beliefs pull at us like vines from the past. They whisper that staying small is safer than being seen.

Yet the truth is: awareness loosens their grip. When we feel safe enough in life to recognise these beliefs as outdated protectors, we can thank them, and keep walking.

The forest doesn’t disappear overnight. But step by step, the light grows stronger.

18/04/2026

How often do we see this. A seemingly calm exterior enjoying a pleasant event. Sometimes we might see it with amazement because, knowing the person and their complexities, maybe we expected them to struggle. But hoped they would be ok and would 'cope'.

For our neurodiverse teens, what’s often missed is the invisible storm behind that smile: the sensory overload, the mental noise, the effort it takes to hold still and appear “okay.” Because they so desperately want to be ok, to conform, to fit the 'norms' and expectations and to fulfil our 'hopes'. When they return to a place of safety, that carefully held mask often collapses, leaving behind exhaustion, emotional fallout, shutdowns or meltdowns. Because the cost of appearing “okay” was never paid in public, only delayed.

The smile hides the tension, the fatigue, and the constant calculation of how to belong. This need, to be something that they’re not, in order to fit in and find a ‘tribe’ to belong with, is even more important for our teens, shaping their developing identity around survival rather than self-acceptance and authenticity. For many teens, it can feel safer to slowly lose pieces of their identity than to risk losing the ‘tribe’ whose acceptance feels essential to their survival. For neurodiverse teens the loss of identity can be even greater.

Here's the core truth: people don't mask because they want to — they mask because they don't feel safe not to and that constant state of self‑protection keeps the nervous system under strain, slowly eroding emotional regulation, self‑identity, and psychological wellbeing.

As the adults, when we understand masking, it helps us to stop misinterpreting the often negative backlash when the mask comes off. It enables us to step away from what we see as "defiance", "attitude", or "shyness”, that leads to additional conflict. Additional conflict that results in further dysregulation, emotional overwhelm, and a breakdown in trust at a time when the individual is already exhausted from trying to feel safe.” .

Once they have coped all day out in the world by masking ( in order to belong and feel safe), the emotional and sensory exhaustion can mean that even simple, everyday tasks or social demands at home feel overwhelming and unmanageable.”
After a full day of masking, our neurodiverse teens need safety without demands—time to decompress, regulate, and be accepted exactly as they are, without expectations to explain, perform, or keep holding themselves together.

****** Watch this space for training and resources designed to help develop deeper understanding of the internal world of our neurodiverse teens so that we can help them to develop understanding of themselves; build resources and find safety in the world embracing self- acceptance and authenticity.

17/04/2026

Children who experience trauma or neglect often learn early that their needs won't be met, and that their emotions are too big, too inconvenient, or too invisible for the adults around them. Without consistent safety, comfort, or attunement, they adapt by shrinking, masking, or disconnecting — survival strategies that are frequently misread as disinterest, defiance, or emotional coldness.

Many neurodivergent children grow up being misjudged simply because their way of thinking, feeling, or processing the world doesn't match what adults expect. Their differences — sensory needs, communication styles, focus patterns, emotional intensity — are often interpreted as rudeness, defiance, immaturity, or lack of effort.

When a child's distress is ignored or punished, they internalise the message that they are unworthy of care or attention. These early experiences shape a belief system that whispers "I don't matter," "I'm too much," or "I shouldn't need anything," long after the environment has changed.

Negative messages in childhood act like invisible threads that slowly weave into a child's belief system — until they become a heavy coat they carry into adulthood. Each phrase, whether spoken by a parent, teacher, or peer, becomes a patch stitched onto their sense of self: "You're too loud," "You'll never make it," "You're not good enough." Over time, these words stop feeling external and start sounding like truth.

Children internalize repeated criticism as identity. Instead of seeing mistakes as part of learning, they begin to see themselves as the mistake. The coat grows heavier with every judgment, shaping how they interpret relationships, success, and self-worth. Even when they achieve or receive kindness, the old patches whisper doubt — reminding them of the labels they once wore.

Healing begins when those messages are named and challenged. When someone helps the person see that the coat was never theirs to wear, they can start unpicking the stitches — replacing the negative messages given with the positive messages that were stolen.

When these childhood experiences carry forward into adulthood, they often shape the person's inner world in ways that are quiet but powerful. The old messages — the ones absorbed through misunderstanding, misjudgment, trauma, or neglect — don't simply disappear with age. They become the lens through which the adult interprets relationships, work, conflict, and even success.

It's never too late to take off the coat of negative messages and reclaim who you were always meant to be. The words that once shaped your self-belief — from parents, teachers, or peers — were reflections of their limitations, not your truth. Each patch sewn onto that coat told you who you weren't, but none of them ever defined who you are.

Healing begins when you recognize that those voices don't belong to you. You can unpick each label, one by one, and replace them with your own — words that speak of courage, creativity, and worth. The coat becomes lighter, and eventually, you realize you never needed it at all.

You were always good enough and completely acceptable just as you are ❤️

If you want to learn more about letting go of the coat and becoming free to be you vontact us @ info@minds-in-sinc.co.uk

12/04/2026

So...... I have finally found time and head space to watch this.

What a truly amazing, emotional and inspiring watch.

My biggest take away is summed up in the closing credits.

"The most poweful support is education, understanding, and acceptance".

Difficulties arise and are often perpetuated, not because of the condition, but because of lack of understanding of the condition and how it impacts the invloluntary functioning of the affected individual.

09/04/2026

🌟Thank you for supporting parents and carers and the families they care for🌟At Wildways Therapy CIC, we appreciate every act of kindness, every penny or pound and every moment of your time which brings us closer to achieving our mission, to provide low cost and free, specialist therapeutic sup...

05/04/2026

In a supportive role, whether as a parent, carer, therapist or educacter, often words are not enough. A sensitive nervous system shaped by trauma or neurodiversity responds to the world through safety, not logic. When someone is trying to fit into environments they don’t fully understand, their body may register threat long before meaning can be processed. In these moments, tone, presence, predictability, and felt safety speak louder than explanations.

Neuroception is the nervous system’s unconscious process of scanning for cues of safety, danger, or threat in our bodies, relationships, and environments. Operating beneath conscious awareness, it shapes how we feel, respond, and connect long before words or logic come into play. When neuroception detects safety, we are more able to engage, regulate, and build trust; when it detects threat, protective responses can emerge even in the absence of conscious fear. Understanding neuroception reminds us that support is most effective when it communicates safety at a nervous‑system level—not just through what we say, but through how we show up.

20/02/2026

Join me for a free online masterclass (25/3/26) for kinship carers - supporting you to manage aggressive or violent behaviour from your kinship child. A kinship carer is anyone who is raising the child of a family member or friend. All kinship carers are welcome at this session, whether you have a legal order like a special guardianship order or not.


Sign up here:
https://kinship.org.uk/support-and-advice/training-and-events/workshops/aggressive-behaviour-masterclass/

20/02/2026

Maternity and Neonatal Voices Partnership Newcastle are running a Listening Session alongside NE1 Counselling to gather feedback from those who have experienced pregnancy loss. The aim is to listen to the feedback and make improvements to bereavement care.

There are still spaces left so if you have experienced baby loss in the last two years and would like to share you experiences please take a look at the details in the invitation below and sign up at this link:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScK-G6nrmBCNKqA6KRd83VBjLE-TQACQbRxtSB4XIw8ePhyPw/viewform?usp=header

17/02/2026

30/12/2025

🌟We are recruiting, come join the team!🌟

30/12/2025

We're not through the happy but not happy period just yet. New Year means new starts and many of us know the trials that can bring.
Being reminded to take care of yourself, when you are caring for those impacted by trauma and neurodiversity and all it brings, can bring an "are you for fking real" response.
However, the reality is, if you don't take care of you, you will hit a point when you can't be there for those you are trying to take care of.
10 minutes a day, minimum, routinely, where you find something to remind yourself you matter, and feed your soul. It may seem like nothing, but it is defintely something. If, you do it with mindfullness, in the moment, shutting out worries of what has been or what might be. 10 minutes, every day, of something that brings you laughter, peace or calm.

If Pooh didnt take time to feed his soul and eat his honey, he wouldn't have had anything to give to Eyeore ❤️