28/06/2025
PUFF PUFF
Ah, smoking and va**ng—the ultimate "cool kid" activities that promise to make you look suave while secretly plotting to rob you of your health. It’s like inviting a charming thief into your home—sure, they might bring snacks, but you’ll wake up to find your lungs have been pickpocketed!
Let’s take a moment to appreciate the to***co industry, shall we? Companies like Philip Morris International (PMI) have turned smoking into a high-stakes game of “How Much Can We Make You Spend Before You Start Coughing Up a Lung?” It’s a bit like a magician pulling rabbits out of hats, except instead of rabbits, it’s your cash disappearing into a big, smoky abyss. As of 2025, PMI owns several companies that develop medical products related to diseases caused by to***co, such as Softhale (inhalers) and Biofourmis (health analytics platforms). It’s like they’re playing both sides of the field: “We’ll make you sick, and then we’ll sell you the cure!” If that isn’t corporate multitasking at its finest, I don’t know what is.
Enter the va**ng revolution, where clouds of fruity flavors fill the air, and everyone looks like they’re auditioning for a role in a hipster movie. “Look at me, I’m va**ng mango-flavored goodness!” they say, while their lungs are whispering, “Help, we’re being flavored to death!” PMI’s research center in Neuchâtel, Switzerland, is at the forefront of this revolution, having spent a whopping $4.5 billion on developing heat-not-burn to***co products and other ni****ne alternatives. One of these products, IQOS, is marketed as a "safer" alternative to traditional ci******es. But let’s be real—does “safer” really mean “safe”? If the company’s motto was a dating profile, it’d read: “Looking for a long-term relationship with your lungs, but might be a little high maintenance!”
Research findings support the concerns surrounding these products. A study published in the To***co Control journal in 2020 highlighted that while IQOS products may produce fewer harmful chemicals than conventional ci******es, using them is not without risks, particularly for younger users. The World Health Organization (WHO) has even raised concerns about the long-term health effects of heated to***co products, emphasizing that they are not a risk-free alternative.
Now, here’s where it gets juicy. We live in a time where information is at our fingertips. Google “smoking risks,” and you’ll get more hits than a cat video. Yet, somehow, people still light up or inhale those fruity v***rs with the confidence of someone who just found out they can cheat on their diet with “healthy” snacks. In a world where public health campaigns have educated us about the dangers of smoking, it’s baffling that people still choose to indulge. In a recent survey by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), over 20% of high school students reported using e-ci******es in the past month. But is that due to ignorance, or is it that the allure of "coolness" (and a hint of rebellion) is just too strong? It’s like knowing that eating a whole pizza is bad for you but doing it anyway because, hey, it’s pizza!
So, who’s at fault? The to***co industry cashing in on our cravings, or the people who choose to indulge? It’s a classic case of “you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it stop smoking.” Philip Morris is a master at playing both sides. By investing in medical technology, they can create a safety net for themselves—if their products make you sick, they’ll be there with a solution. In other words, they’ve turned the concept of “healthcare” into “health-carelessness.” It’s like a bad sitcom plot where the villain has a heart of gold—except this one’s just gold-plated.
The statistics speak for themselves. PMI’s annual reports reveal a strategic pivot towards alternative products, and with the global smoking population still in the hundreds of millions, the company stands to profit regardless of the health consequences of its products. Moreover, their investments in companies like Biovotion—which develops wearable technology for health monitoring—raise eyebrows. It’s almost as if PMI is saying, “We’ll make you sick, and then we’ll sell you the devices to monitor how sick you really are!” A survey by the American Journal of Public Health showed that the promotion of e-ci******es has led to increased ni****ne dependence among users, particularly among youth.
To further illustrate the to***co industry’s tactics, a 2022 report from the National Institute on Drug Abuse highlighted that the flavored nature of va**ng products makes them particularly appealing to younger demographics. The report noted a correlation between the rise of va**ng and increased rates of ni****ne addiction among teens, showcasing just how effective these marketing strategies can be. Additionally, in 2021, the American Lung Association published findings indicating that e-cigarette use can lead to respiratory issues and may even increase the risk of developing chronic lung diseases. Yet, despite such evidence, the to***co industry continues to market these products with claims of reduced harm, leading consumers to believe they are making healthier choices.
In the end, smoking and va**ng are serious topics, but that doesn’t mean we can’t poke a little fun at the absurdity of it all. Let’s encourage each other to think critically, laugh a little, and perhaps, just perhaps, choose a healthier path—one that doesn’t involve a cloud of v***r or an ashtray overflowing with regrets. So, the next time you see someone puffing away, maybe offer them a fruit instead. After all, fruit doesn’t come with a side of lung cancer.
