23/02/2020
We often experience different emotions during the day such as sadness, anxiety, frustration or anger. These emotions are often link to thoughts such as “I do everything wrong”, “Nobody seems to understand me” and “This is unfair”. Jeffrey Young used the word schema mode to refer to these emotional states that we use from time to time. He also pointed that everybody has been in the adult schema mode at some point. Our healthy adult is forgiving with our mistakes and other people’s mistakes. They are proactive and learn from them. Finally, they are able to say no, express our needs and put action plan in place to help us to feel better.
The first step to find our healthy adult is to understand our emotions and triggers. When we are not feeling well, we sometimes avoidance strategies. Avoidance strategies have short-term benefits but they don't solve the problem. If we want to find real SOLUTIONS to our problems and feel better, it is important to ask ourselves the following questions:
• “What thoughts are coming to my mind?”
• “How am I feeling?”
• “How am I behaving?”
After understanding our triggers, we can ask our healthy adult “What am I doing too much?”, “What am I not doing enough?” and “What can I do differently if the same situations happen again?”.
You must always remind yourself that our healthy adult is compassionate and understanding with everybody. They are also non-judgemental and proactive.
You can find more information about schema modes on this website:
https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/schema.htm