26/01/2026
Showing up reliably.
The end of last week I had to put down my work because I was so unwell, and it got me thinking about some of our fears about not being ‘available enough’.
If you’re someone who worries you might be forgotten if you don’t constantly remind people you’re there/ perform for people, it can be so hard when you become a mum and you’re not able to show up the way you normally would. Or you might even push yourself to keep trying, rather than allowing yourself the space you need to adjust, because you worry that people will forget about you otherwise. Scared that people won’t still show up.
And we can have the same fear for our babies, that if we are not 100% completely available, they will feel devastated.
So it can be really difficult to manage the feelings that might come up if you need a break. Or if you can’t be there for some reason.
Because you might imagine that they feel as scared as you do. It might be hard to imagine that their experience might be different to yours.
And that fear might mean that you push yourself to be there, even when you need a break and someone else can provide good enough care for them. Which means you’re more likely to struggle, because it’s impossible to meet your needs when you can’t have a break. It’s an awful emotional predicament.
Whilst having a sense of our baby’s internal world is vital, if we’re projecting our own feelings on to them, it can leave us in some very difficult positions.
If you’ve got someone who can help you tease out your fears, and step back a little, that’s invaluable. They might be a friend, a family member, a health professional, a therapist - whoever has a good enough relationship with you and the ability to see how hard it is for you.
Because of course you’re terrified of your baby feeling like you do at times. It’s awful. So having someone who understands that you’re not being a martyr because it makes you feel good, but because you’re trying to escape these fears.