Aged twenty four I became a Registrar, and I really had no idea what the role consisted of but knew it would be interesting; I was soon to learn all about the circle of life, sometimes all in one day. In the morning I would register the birth of a baby with the new parents excited to see their chosen name for their new-born legally registered.
By lunchtime I could have conducted a marriage ceremony or several; sometimes the weddings would have forty guests and numerous bridesmaids, while other couples would arrive wearing jeans and tee-shirts asking complete strangers of the street if they would be their witnesses.
Later on the same day I would see a bereaved family in order to register the death of a loved one, and this was the aspect of the job that was the most rewarding of all.
To be able to help families when they most need it was so fulfilling and worthwhile. All life events were important and a real privilege to be a part of but being of service at such a time of great sadness and grief seemed to see me at my best.
I still remember my very first death registration like it was yesterday (1985) and I really felt I wouldn’t be able to do it on a daily basis. An elderly gentleman had just lost his wife and life partner of over fifty years and they had no children. He was so lost and alone; I made him a cup of tea and listened to his stories, even cried with him before doing the necessary paperwork to allow him to arrange the funeral.
Coming from a catholic family with Irish roots, funerals weren’t something that fazed me at all. It was normal for us to have a coffin in the front room while all the children run around, albeit, with all the curtains in the house closed and everyone wearing black from head to foot.
When my Mother passed away in 1991, I was quite traumatised at the coldness of the Priest who led her service, her name was hardly mentioned and this has stayed with me ever since and one of the main reasons I now do what I do. Almost thirty years on I am working on a memorial for her and hoping to get all the family together soon to honour her life and tell her story, it’s never too late....
Between 2008 and 2011 I lost two young family members, two boys I was very close too, adored infact, everything changed then, life was never to be the same. I realised life was definitely for living and that meant taking chances and risks......
In 2016 I was offered voluntary severance from the local authority. BUT it was a hard decision to leave a job I loved and the desk I’d sat at for thirty one years. I was very proud of the reputation I’d built up in my little office in South Queensferry. Over the years I’d done hundreds of weddings of people from all over the globe, I knew I’d miss it, but it was time for a new challenge, too early to retire though so what would I do ? After travelling, having lunches with old friends, catch ups, redecorating the house etc. . I was bored.
I tried a couple of part time jobs, in a Pharmacy then as a Photography Studio Manager, but it really wasn’t me. I went back to being a Marriage Officer and I still conduct ceremonies in venues throughout Edinburgh. Through my work I had got to know the local Funeral Director quite well and it was in January of 2016 he asked if I would do a service. I was nervous, but I put my all in to it and the family really appreciated the ceremony. I still wasn’t sure if this was my path as I felt it was very stressful, did I really want to do this?
That year my friend’s Father passed away, before doing so he had asked me to do his service. How could I say no, but what pressure, as this was a very well known and loved local man. It meant I would know many of the people attending. I will never forget looking out at the crematorium that day and knowing every single face, but I did my best, I loved writing and telling his story and the people attending loved it too, his wife and family were so very grateful. Thank you AB.
This was my turning point, the start of my new journey, by March 2017 I started my own business as an Independent Funeral Celebrant. I believe everyone has a story to tell, and the right to have a ‘send off’ to remember. Its still early days on this new path of mine but it feels so right and I’ve had such tremendous encouragement and thanks from my families so far and every day I am truly thankful for this new opportunity.
I look forward to turning around ancient funeral rituals and instead telling peoples stories while honouring lives and helping families say their final farewells in whatever way that may be, fitting, respectful and especially unforgettable just like them.
