Talk to Amanda - Psychotherapy & Counselling

27/09/2025

Don’t let shame stop you from showing up, speaking out, telling the truth and being kind to yourself and others

13/06/2025

So so true ….

I've learned one of the most powerful forms of compassion is letting go of who people used to be.
We all carry versions of ourselves that no longer fit—like outgrown clothes hanging in the back of a closet. These old selves are stitched together with the mistakes we made when we didn’t know better, the words we regret saying, the pain we inflicted while drowning in our own. But as time moves forward, so do we—sometimes slowly, sometimes with struggle, but always with the possibility of change.

I’ve witnessed how a single mistake can overshadow a lifetime of goodness.
How one bad chapter can be unfairly treated as the entire story. It's easy to freeze people in time, to judge them by the worst thing they’ve done, to forget that we are all works in progress. But people are not static. They shed skin, they grow through discomfort, they evolve—often in ways no one else can see.

I’ve seen it happen with my own eyes.
Friends who were once reactive become gentle listeners. People who used to run from their problems now show up for others with unwavering presence. I’ve seen chaos give birth to calm, and recklessness transform into wisdom. Change doesn’t always come with a grand announcement. Often, it's quiet. It happens in private, in the small, consistent choices made when no one is watching.

Growth is not glamorous, but it is sacred.
And when we hold people hostage to their past, we deny them the dignity of becoming someone new. We overlook the courage it takes to look inward, to confront old wounds, and to choose a better way forward. Every one of us carries a story we wish we could rewrite—but that doesn’t mean we aren’t worthy of a fresh page, a new beginning, or a second chance.

No one should be forever chained to a version of themselves they’ve already left behind.
We are all navigating this life in real time—learning, unlearning, falling down, standing back up. And if we can forgive ourselves for our growing pains, we must extend that same grace to others.

Because at the end of the day, none of us are finished.
We’re all still becoming.

16/02/2025

This story can change your life..

19/01/2025

Listen with your Third Ear

In my office I have a book, written by psychoanalyst Theodor Reik, entitled “Listening with The Third Ear” (1948). Reik discusses the importance of listening for the emotional meanings conveyed by the speaker and the ability to hear what is not being said. He asks that we explore the tone of voice, the inflection, and pay attention to the silence and pauses between words and phrases. Listening with the third ear is dependent upon your ability to listen to yourself; your emotions and sensations. In other words, your inner responses deepen your understanding of what someone is saying. Your sensations are cues to the emotions that are being expressed.

This idea was reinforced when I learned that our social engagement system (the most evolved expression of our vagus nerve) connects above the diaphragm to your heart, lungs, larynx, pharynx, inner ear, as well as the facial muscles around your mouth and eyes. The social engagement system gets its name because it is responsible for facial expressivity which helps us to understand or communicate emotions. In addition, the social engagement system is responsible for both the expressive and receptive domains of verbal communication. This guides the rhythm and tone of speech and helps provide meaning to our communications. The social engagement system also enhances our ability to listen to others allowing us to pick up on emotional nuances within communications. Considering the vagus nerve connections to the heart and to the muscles of your face, we are also more likely to engage in empathic responses.

This week, I invite you to explore your social engagement system by offering the gift of truly listening to another person. Approach this practice of mindful listening as if you are about to sit down for a first-class concert or your favorite piece of music. Be honest with yourself. Notice if your thoughts are about your “to do” list or if you have the urge to look at your phone. Is this a good time to really listen? If not identify a better time and agree to come back. When you are ready, take a deep breath and settle into your seat.

As you listen, I invite you to attune by checking-in with how you feel as you listen. Savor the experience and notice what is evoked within you. What is occurring within your body and your emotions as you allow the words to sink in.

To open your third ear, I invite you to listen for what has not been said. Explore the tone of voice. Is there a harmonious feeling or do you notice some discord and dissonance? Pay attention to the silence and pauses between words and phrases. Sometimes our attuned listening occurs when we take the time to notice other cues but not saying directly.

In response, I invite you to speak from your heart: Take the time to reflect your understanding of what you heard allow yourself to offer something from your heart about what you felt or how imagine the other is feeling. What tone can you offer that might match the melody? What honors discordance? What might bring resolution?

Listen for feedback: You will know if you were accurate in your understanding by the response you get. When you get it right you will most likely have encouraged further sharing and expression…if so, let the music play on. You will likely see a softening and a lessening of tension. If you are unsure you can always ask, “Did I understand you correctly?”

If you didn’t get it right the first time, take the time to fine-tune your attuned listening. Acknowledge that you didn’t get it right the first time and that you are investing in listening to what they have to say. Staying engaged in the process is one of the best was to communicate that we care.

Caringly yours,
Dr. Arielle

13/01/2025

09/11/2024

“With practice, we can see that our wounded child is not only us. Our wounded child may represent several generations. Our mother may have suffered throughout her life. Our father may have suffered. Perhaps our parents weren’t able to look after the wounded child in themselves. So when we’re embracing the wounded child in us, we are embracing all the wounded child in our past generations. This practice is not a practice for ourselves alone, but for numberless generations of ancestors and descendants.”
~Thich Nhat Hanh

16/10/2024

Oops! That graphic should say, How to avoid marrying your FUTURE ex-husband.

My informal research suggests you consider these six factors that may lead women to make foolish choices.

1. TIMING: We’re most prone to fall mindlessly in love at difficult emotional junctures—on the heels of a breakup, divorce, or death of a family member important loss, for example.

2. STEAMY STARTS: The rush of romance and sexual attraction can act like a drug, and blur our capacity for clear thinking. When we get obsessed with a guy we confuse intensity with intimacy. In fact, intensity blocks us from taking an objective look at our partner, ourselves, and the relationship.

4. IDEALIZATION: We’re convinced he’s so brilliant and special, that we put him above us. An idealized view leads us to undervalue our own gifts and ignore red flags. We’ll make excuses for traits, qualities and behaviors that matter because he’s so special.

5. DESPERATION AND FEAR: Your two best friends just got married, you’re about to turn forty, and someone reminds you that your biological clock is ticking. Fear has never helped anybody make good choices. It leads to clinging when we should be walking.

6. LACK OF SELF-FOCUS: You’re looking for someone to fill up your empty bucket, give you some kind of direction, or provide meaning in your life. Poor choices happen when we’re not putting our primary energy into having our own life plan and figuring out how to live our own life (not someone else’s) as well as possible.

DO’S AND DON’TS: Slow things down and get to know him as well as possible. Don’t insulate your relationship with him from other important relationships, even if he says he wants to spend time only with you. You won’t really know him if you don’t make sure to observe him among both your friends and family and his. Keep your primary focus on your own goals and life plan, which will put you on firmest footing whatever happens with a particular relationship. Don’t silence your voice or avoid conflict in order to preserve relationship harmony.

AND NEVER FORGET THAT THERE ARE MANY POSSIBILITIES FOR INTIMACY AND CONNECTION OTHER THAN PAIRING UP.