31/07/2025
No matter whether you are a doula or a midwife (I’ve been both) this is how we feel
I saw a post recently about how a woman wondered if her midwife thought about her too.
And we do.
I think about you all, all of the time. In joy and sadness.
I have all of your cards. I look at them when I need to remember why I do this.
I cry to songs that remind me of witnessing you meet your baby after losing their sibling the year before.
I smile at the tattoos on my arms that remind me of the conversations I’ve had with you about them in labour. “That one makes me feel safe, because I know you care about your job” are words I always think about when I look at the midwife tattoo I have on my arm.
I cry when I hear the songs they played at your funeral 💜
I still laugh thinking about the time you gave me your p*e in a Dorito dip jar.
I pierced my other nostril because it looked cool on you!
I laugh to myself thinking about you flicking me the middle finger when I asked you to change position in labour.
I remember the joy in your face when you finally met your longed for baby after so many losses.
I remember crying along with you when you cried that your dad wouldn’t meet your baby.
I think about being one of so few people who got to meet your baby when they died. I think about your baby a lot. I remember all their names.
I think about you when I see space buns.
I remember how tightly you held my hand as they put you under general anaesthetic.
I feel proud when I remember you birthing your baby in your home after seeing how nervous you were to tell me you wanted a homebirth (and the relief when I replied “wahay”).
I remember to butter the toast to the edges because you said dry corners were “evil”.
I remember the look on your face when I walked into your birthing room “is that my midwife?!”
I think about you when the country you had to flee from is on the news.
I think about how proud I am that you managed to get clean.
I think about how brave you were to tell me that you didn’t feel safe at home.
I think about how much I liked your dog.
I think about the look on your face mid emergency when you knew I had you.
And I feel so lucky that I get to walk through all these journeys with you all. Through the joy and the sorrow. There is no greater privilege than being a midwife.
Thank you for letting me be part of it all. I don’t mind if you don’t remember my name, but I remember you ❤️
