Therapy with Iris

15/11/2025

To the world, you are just another person going about your day, minding your own business. Maybe you are even smiling.

But inwardly, it's a different story. Inwardly, you are at a cliff edge, tired of carrying around the baggage of pain, but not knowing how to get rid of it either. Inwardly, you are working really hard to keep it all together, keep all the pain contained, making sure the world does not see it.

You are sure that if the world sees your suffering, the world would call you weak.

But you are anything but weak. It takes energy, strength and courage to live the life you have lived, achieve the things you have achieved and carry the pain.

There's is no need to carry the pain any longer. You don't need to suffer - you have suffered enough.

Let's talk. I will help you to move towards peace and fulfilment, whilst the therapeutic music supports and strengthens your nervous system.

You are ready for change 💛

To get help for changing your life, email me at iris.mcfee@ntlworld.com or text/WhatsApp 07717077131

06/11/2025

I spoke to a lady recently. She is having hard time with high anxiety and low mood. She has 2 autistic teenagers who have very different needs from each other and can't tolerate school. She is the only parent, so has no support and no time out.

No wonder she's struggling. This situation has been going on over 20 years, and her nervous system has used up it's capacity to cope with it. She's living in fight or flight state, trying to anticipate a crisis and plan how to avert it. She has no inner resources to change anything.

She's the kind of person who can be helped by Safe and Sound Protocol, a therapeutic music protocol.

The music is created to go straight into the nervous system and create more safety. Her nervous system would become more resilient to the constant stress. The window of tolerance, the ability to to deal with everyday stress, would widen. With time, she would gain clarity and know her next step forward. She would also rebuild her inner resources to change things.

Her anxiety will reduce.
Her mood will improve.
She will feel hope.
She will have the strength to respond instead reacting
She will feel calmer.
The kids will feel calmer.
Their relationship will improve.

And all because she decided to listen to Safe and Sound Protocol a few minutes per day.

Curious?

Book your introductory call directly with me by emailing iris.mcfee@ntlworld.com

02/11/2025

Another Sunday.

A day we are still trying to do fun, but also plan for the week ahead.

How are you looking after yourself? How are you giving yourself what you need to be the best you?

Why is it even important?

In the deep cellular level, self care supports your nervous system. And when your nervous system works well, life flows.

Today, listen to your nervous system and give it what it needs.
For some of us, it would be quiet time.
Others need something with high adrenaline.

Your self care needs are specific to you.

If you want guidance on how to support your nervous system, message me for 15 min free discovery call

WhatsApp /text /phone 07717077131
Email iris.mcfee@ntlworld.com

01/11/2025

Yesterday I had a conversation with someone about the stress of getting everything done

Fitting everything into the day.
Completing all the tasks.
Ticking off the to-do list.

He spoke about how stressed he felt, how his body felt tense and the mind spiralled into catastrophic things that could happen if he didn't tick everything off.

But he, like many other people, had given himself an unrealistic to - do list.

I looked at it and said :
"You are never going to complete this in a day. Not because you can't focus or organise yourself, but because the list is too long. There aren't enough hours in the day, and everything takes longer you think it takes."

We all need to get things done, and the secret is in planning.

First, plan your meal times. You are going to eat anyway.

If you need to walk the dog or pick up kids, plan that next.

After that, it's time to fit in the original to - do list. Think of how long a task takes, and double the time. We need transition time - time switching from one task to another takes.

Because you now have an achievable plan, your mind can stop thinking about how much you need to do and stop worrying about whether you get everything done. Your mind is now free to focus on the task.

And in the evening, you can feel a sense of accomplishment from completing the tasks you planned to complete.

The sense of achievement will motivate you, and you will gather evidence that you can complete things.
Slowly and surely, everything gets done.

And you feel peaceful and in control.

30/10/2025

As the ADHD awareness month is coming to the end, do you feel that it brought enough attention and awareness to ADHD? Do you feel that ADHD was talked more about in October that in any other month?

Here at Therapy With Iris I don't care about diagnosis. I just know that my Safe and Sound Protocol, a therapeutic music protocol, can help with your emotional dysregulation and anxiety regardless whether you have an official diagnosis or whether you are self diagnosed.

Just a few minutes of listening e day can improve your life forever.

Curious? Message me and we can talk through how it would help you. Email iris.mcfee@ntlworld.com or text/WhatsApp 07717077131.

You are not alone. 💛

28/10/2025

The (not so) hidden symptoms of living in fight or flight.

You are always preparing for the worst.
You are constantly on the go, because once you stop, you it's hard to start again.
You can't rest, even when you want to - because you are stuck in fight/flight state.

Fight/flight isn't just about panic, it is also irritability, overthinking and tension. Somewhere along the lines your system learnt that it had to be alert at all times. It had to be ready to defend, even when there was no threat.But it feels exhausting, and you want to change. You just don't know how.

You could start by noticing your body. Noticing the small moments when your body feels at ease. Write them down so that you can see improvement. Notice how the list gets longer.

That's how safety begins.
You are not alone.

28/10/2025

You are always preparing for the worst.
You are constantly on the go, because once you stop, you it's hard to start again.
You can't rest, even when you want to - because you are stuck in fight/flight state.

Fight/flight isn't just about panic, it is also irritability, overthinking and tension. Somewhere along the lines your system learnt that it had to be alert at all times. It had to be ready to defend, even when there was no threat.But it feels exhausting, and you want to change. You just don't know how.

You could start by noticing your body. Noticing the small moments when your body feels at ease. Write them down so that you can see improvement. Notice how the list gets longer.

That's how safety begins.
You are not alone.

26/10/2025

As another Sunday evening settles in, give yourself some time out. Let yourself look back. What surprised you last week? Maybe something hard went better than expected. Maybe there were more cuddles, more quiet wins.

And what’s coming next? Is there something you’re gently looking forward to?

This is your moment to pause, reflect, and mentally prepare for the week ahead. Everything will work out just fine.

23/10/2025

I am feeling a bit under the weather, so the logical thing to do was to go to bed with some light entertainment in the TV.

I chose Married At First Sight UK. A perfect watch for someone with deep interest in humans, their feelings and their interactions.

As I watched the selection and matching, one thing came up again and again.

Vulnerability.
Or, to be more precise, avoiding vulnerability.

"I don't want anyone see my weaknesses"
"I have my walls up"
"My last relationship ended because I wasn't open enough"
"Last time I was vulnerable I got hurt. I don't want that happening again"

These were just a few things said by the contestants.

But without vulnerability, there can't be a deep emotional connection.

When we hide our vulnerability, people can't get to know us.

When you always put on a brave face, how do others know when they have hurt you?

When you pretend to be OK when you are not, how do others know that their behaviour has upset you?

When you are not telling people that you are struggling, how do they know to support you?

Whilst in nervous system terms vulnerability may not always feel safe, we need it.

When you are not telling people what you need, they can meet your needs. You end up frustrated and disappointed, because the connection and closeness we all need to thrive is not quite happening.

In the words of Brene Brown, vulnerability is courage.

If you need support with finding the courage to be vulnerable, I am here to support you.

You are not alone 💛

19/10/2025

Sunday.😊

Maybe you got to sleep in and sip your coffee slowly. Or maybe the day started with kids jumping on your bed, full of energy. However it began, and whatever you did today, at some point your mind went back to reflect on the past week.

What gave you joy last week? Was it a quiet moment with a friend, or a hug from your kids? Maybe a date night with your partner r maybe even success at work? Remember the warm glow, the connection you felt.

Or maybe it was "one of these weeks", when nothing seemed to go right. Maybe there was unexpected illness, or train cancellation, or a flat tyre. Whatever it was, give yourself credit with dealing with it the best you could.

What about the week ahead? Does it promise to be a predictable and calm, or is there any challenges ahead? Are you planning for tricky situations, or looking forward to pleasant experiences? Whatever it is, trust that you can handle it.

You are not alone.

12/10/2025

THE STATES OF YOUR NERVOUS SYSTEM AND WHY THEY MATTER

Your nervous system moves through different states depending on how safe or threatened it feels. These states shape how you think, feel, and act without you even realizing it.

Let’s walk through the states.

🧠 1. Social Connection (Ventral Vagal)
You feel safe, open, and emotionally regulated.
Your breath is steady, your heart rate calm.
You’re ready to engage, connect, and thrive. World is your oyster.

⚡ 2. Fearless Mobilization
Your sympathetic nervous system, your “get up and go”, is activated without a sense of danger.
You feel energized, excited, and motivated to take action.

😴 3. Fearless Immobilization
You’re resting, recovering, and still feel safe.
This is deep stillness without shutdown — think cozy naps, mindful pauses, or quiet reflection.

🔥 4. Fight or Flight
Your body is mobilized with a sense of threat.
You might feel anxious, irritable, angry, or disorganized.
This state is vital in emergencies, but makes it hard to connect with people or get things done if it's switched on continuously.

🧊 5. Fearful Immobilization (Freeze)
You feel stuck, overwhelmed, or frozen.
Thinking clearly or making decisions feels impossible.
Your system is trying to protect you by pausing everything.

🌑 6. Collapse / Shutdown
Your survival feels threatened.
You may feel disconnected from yourself, others, and the world.
This is the nervous system’s last resort, a full retreat. Like a tortoise going back into the shell.

Why does this matter?
Because you only get your “things” (whatever your "things" are) when you’re in social connection or fearless mobilization.
These are the states where your nervous system can plan, organize, and move forward.

When you are trying (or needing) to act from fight/flight, freeze, or shutdown, you’ll work harder, feel worse and get less.
Your system is busy surviving — not thriving.
Survival always gets priority.

Knowing where you are on the ladder helps you meet yourself with compassion — and gives you a guide for moving forward.

When you work with biology, you are not just sifting through the surface, you are creating a completely new operating system.

If you are interested to improve how you function, let's have a conversation.

03/10/2025

You are tired.
Tired of anxiety, stress, aftereffects of trauma, the chaos ADHD brings.
Tired of struggling to get through the day.

You have tried to cope, tried therapy, strategies, willpower, pushing through.
But not much has changed.

Now you have had enough talking about your pain.

There is another way, One which doesn't ask you to talk or explain every detail.. One which works with your biology.

The Safe and Sound Protocol only needs you to listen. Its specially filtered music works directly with your nervous system. When your body hears safety in sound, it begins to reprogramme itself. When your body hears safety repeatedly, it starts to believe it. Calm becomes possible.

Your racing thoughts slow down.
You stop scanning the room for danger.
You can rest and relax.
You can plan and follow through without the overwhelm.
You become more organised, more confident.
You finally feel you are in charge of your life.

If this sounds like something you want for you, please reach out for and we can talk about how it helps you. No pressure, just gentle conversation.

Mob/WhatsApp 07717 077131.
email iris.mcfee@ntlworld.com
Or just send a message on Messenger.

And please share this post so that people who need to hear this can hear this.