20/11/2025
Being on holiday in a bikini without getting “super lean” this time has made me reflect a lot on this past year, and I wanted to be honest about it.
Since my cut last year for my photoshoot, I’ve really struggled to get back to that level of leanness. Not because I can’t do it, I know I’m disciplined when my head’s in it, but because my mindset has completely shifted. I’ve started diet phases so many times this year, smashed it for about 4 weeks, and then I start thinking… what am I actually doing this for? Can’t I just be healthy, stay relatively lean and still have a bit more freedom?
I still eat well, train hard and stay consistent. But I end up drifting from a deficit back into eating intuitively and not tracking. And because I’ve tracked for so long, I know how to eat without weighing every gram. But then the guilt creeps in, not because I’m failing, but because I’m trying to unlearn old habits and heal my mindset around food.
On top of that, comparing myself now to old photos where I was leaner can be tough. It’s so easy to forget the extreme structure, the sacrifices and the push it took to look like that. But I’m reminding myself that I can still be healthy, strong and look good at a slightly higher body fat. There’s nothing wrong with that.
And that’s the part I keep coming back to. This path is still healthy, just different. Maybe one day I’ll get shredded again, maybe I won’t, but not being photoshoot lean doesn’t mean I’m not doing well. I’m still showing up, still looking after myself and still growing in different ways. 💕✨