15/06/2022
The Control Rabbit Hole
Most people are now familiar with the idea that you cannot control another human being. All you can control is your response. But why do we keep making this mistake and thereby making our self suffer. And suffer we do, as anytime you become emotionally upset with another human being, either directly or indirectly, means we believe they are responsible for our upsetness/suffering.
So lets head down the rabbit hole of this particular habit and perhaps understand what’s going on.
It all seems to start when we are knee high to a grasshopper, as they say. At a very young age we are taught that other people and circumstances are responsible for our feelings of happiness. When we learn this we therefore learn that they are responsible for our sorrows, fears and angers. That one belief then starts to define our life as a frequent victim. It quickly goes into our subconscious and operates it’s illusion from there. Our thoughts, emotions and attitudes are tell tale signs as we project responsibility onto others.
As soon as our thoughts are containers for words such as they should, they must, they have to, it means we have allowed the belief that other people should ‘dance to my tune’ to rule our consciousness. The appearance of such words or judgments trigger emotions such as irritation, frustration and anxiety. Ask any parent, ask any manager, and they will likely tell of many moments when such emotions have dominated their consciousness. Followed closely by the projection of responsibility onto ‘them’.
The consumer and entertainment industries reinforce this belief many times every day. Otherwise known as brainwashing. All marketing invariably attempts to induce a mild form of hypnosis. It’s their job to trigger our feelings of insecurity and feed us the belief that our security and happiness is dependent on buying and consuming what they offer. So while we believe we may be free we are in fact trapped in this belief system called other people should do and be and give me what I want.
You can only laugh when this full realisation occurs within our consciousness. However, if you’ve spent the best part of your life making your self upset at others you may want to cry first!
The deepest aspect of this belief system is the idea that only the world out there can bring us the inner happiness and contentment that we seek. We seek it because we believe it will alleviate our suffering. What we do not realise is that the very act of seeking, which really means wanting, is how we disturb our self and thereby sustain our suffering.
The paradox, which is eventually realised, is that we already are containers of peace and happiness. It is our underlying nature to be at peace, be content and be caring (loving) of the other. But it’s only when we express such attributes that we feel them and know them and thereby in such moments know our self.
Which a neat way of saying our urge of control what others do and be is really our self searching in the wrong place for our true nature, which is always here. Could it be that simple?
Question: Who do you project your suffering at the most?
Reflection: There are many possible responses to the same event or person, what is stopping you from choosing a considered response instead of emotionally reacting?
Action: Practice being the master of the attitudes that you emit this week.
Copyright: Mike George 2022
Clear Thinking
www.relax7.com
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