Before That

14/04/2026

Back with a new group Your Voice Inverclyde repeating the 6 week understanding ourselves program, some back again and some new faces, during summer time our new 6 week guide to building on understanding ourselves will be taking place, try and get yourself in to complete this initial 6 weeks to build on the next progression, it won't be essential but will help with understanding things as we look into family, interpersonal relationships, boundaries, toxic people and their behaviour, emotional maturity and lots more.

26/03/2026

When we talk about healing and becoming emotionally secure as adults, we cannot ignore early attachment.

How we connected to caregivers as children shapes big parts of how we relate to people today. If we never look at it, we can end up reacting to relationships with patterns we learned as children.

Here are the basics.

Secure attachment

Caregivers were consistent, supportive, and emotionally available. As an adult you are more comfortable with closeness and tend to feel secure in yourself and in relationships.

Anxious attachment

Care was inconsistent. Promises were broken or adults were unpredictable. As an adult this can show up as fear of abandonment, overthinking relationships, or needing constant reassurance.

Avoidant attachment

Your physical needs were met but emotional needs were dismissed. As an adult this can look like shutting down emotionally, avoiding closeness, or relying only on yourself.

These are not personality flaws, they are adaptations we made to survive as children, the issue in adulthood is that things that once served a purpose for survival may limit our ability to navigate adult life.

20/03/2026

If you do not realise where your reactions come from, you will think they are just "who you are" or that life keeps giving you bad luck.

But often it is old patterns running in the background without you noticing.

Once you become aware of them, you finally have a choice.

12/03/2026

Many people hesitate to call their childhood traumatic because nothing looked extreme from the outside. No headlines. No obvious violence. Just experiences that slowly shaped how safe, loved, and supported you felt growing up.

A simple way to reflect on it is this question.

Would you want your own child to experience the exact childhood you had?

If the honest answer is no, that does not make you ungrateful or disloyal. It simply means something in your early environment was not what a child deserved.

Naming it is not about blame.

It is about understanding where certain wounds began so they do not quietly shape the rest of your life.

Awareness is the first step.

07/03/2026

Addiction rarely begins with a substance.

Long before alcohol, drugs, gambling, or compulsive behaviours appear, there is often something else underneath it. Pain that was never understood. Emotions that had nowhere safe to go. A nervous system that never learned how to settle itself.

When a child cannot regulate pain, they adapt. They distract. They shut down. They act out. They find ways to escape what feels unbearable.

Those coping strategies do not disappear with age. They simply evolve.

Sometimes what we call addiction is not a lack of willpower. It is a lifelong attempt to soothe pain that was never properly held or regulated.

05/03/2026

04/03/2026

Many emotionally immature people genuinely believe they are trying very hard in relationships. From their perspective, showing up, replying to a message, or having one uncomfortable conversation feels like real effort. Because it felt difficult for them, they assume it must count as sacrifice.

The problem is that effort measured by discomfort is not the same as effort measured by care. In healthy relationships, consistency matters far more than occasional attempts. Things like listening, showing respect, communicating, and taking accountability are not extraordinary acts. They are the basic standard.

Understanding this can be clarifying. Sometimes the issue is not that someone is trying their best and failing. Sometimes their version of "trying" simply sits far below what a healthy relationship requires.

25/02/2026

Week 4 of Understanding Ourselves with the participants of Inverclyde Faith in Throughcare, week 4 we cover anxiety and depression, what they are in nature, their purpose, symptoms, triggers and recovery, great topic and a great group with lots of personal anecdotes and stories which always come out of this self aware group of guys, pleasure to be hosted here and learn from them as much as they learn from me.

23/02/2026

Some wounds come with scans, treatment plans, and visible proof. Others come with confusion, minimisation, and being told to move on.

When trauma is invisible, people expect you to function as if nothing happened. To work. To parent. To show up. To stay calm. To be reasonable.

An unseen injury is still an injury.

If you have been trying to heal something no one else could see, that does not make you dramatic. It means you were hurt in ways that were not obvious.

And the fact you kept going anyway says more about your strength than their dismissal ever could.

19/02/2026

There were moments in your life you were convinced you would not survive. Times you could not see past the pain. Times you thought it would never ease.

But it did.

This moment feels heavy because you are inside it. That does not mean it is permanent. You have already proven you can endure more than you think.

You will move on. You will find new happiness and new reasons to keep going. It will all be okay.

16/02/2026

It is easy to blame when something hurts. It gives quick relief and protects the ego. Emotional maturity asks something harder. Can I stay with this feeling without turning it into an accusation. Growth begins in the pause between reaction and response. That pause is where accountability and agency live.

12/02/2026

Totally forgot to take pictures of our week one group at Your Voice Inverclyde now in week 2 of Understanding Ourselves, we went over childhood attachment from week 1 and had some reflection on that then explored week 2 where we discuss the Locus of control, accountability and the concept of agency.