08/11/2021
So thankful I’m not the only one who quotes Rainer Maria Rilke! A helpful reminder in case you need it today. 👍💕
“Do not think that the person who is trying to console you lives effortlessly among the simple, quiet words that sometimes make you feel better…. But if it were any different, he could never have found the words he did.” -Rainer Maria Rilke
I’ve been saving those words in a screenshot on my phone for weeks, not knowing why, except that they felt like home.
And then last night, exhausted in the best possible way from leading this weekend’s retreat, I came back to them.
I thought about the participant who described the relief and hope she felt when I said, “I don’t always choose the loving response… and that’s ok.”
I thought about the participant who pointed to a line from Live Love Now that said, “I went on to describe the pain I saw in her eyes—pain I caused,” and how that line was changing her and her relationship with her son.
I thought about the participant who wrote me a little note after our first night that said, “You give the best hugs.”
I thought about the participant that flipped open her journal before we departed yesterday. She said, “I never spoke this weekend, but you gave words to the feelings inside me… and now I have what I need to move forward.”
I thought about the participant who stopped me as I was walking into class to tell me that describing my highly observant child as a “Noticer” changed her daughter’s life in a profound way.
These connective words and gestures would never have come to be, had it not been from first experiencing them myself. And it is a real detriment to live in a society that projects the illusion that the finished product did not come without toil… or the polished person we see did not show up without struggle.
I did not arrive without struggle.
The night before the final workshop session, Carrie and Amy, my dear friends and retreat assistants, listened as I processed an incredibly painful experience I have not been able to talk about. As these women listened and responded with such compassion and encouragement, I felt seen. I felt understood. I felt unalone.
And now, as type these words, I marvel at what has become. An experience that was purely pain is now partly healing because it was not kept inside.
Before I take some time to rest and recalibrate from this weekend, I feel compelled to expand on Rainer Maria Rilke’s beautiful words:
Don’t think people who lift others don’t have people who hold them up.
Don’t think people who string beautiful thoughts together don’t have inner critics.
Don’t think people who look strong on the outside don’t need help too.
Don’t think people who speak healing words with ease don’t find healing hard.
Perhaps it is through knowing that embrace
that critic,
that loneliness,
and that excruciatingly painful process
that enables them to make you feel at home.
© Rachel Macy Stafford 2021
I am eternally grateful to those who gathered with me this weekend. I knew it was going to be special, but I had no idea. You showed up… for yourself, for me, and for each other… and the result was remarkable. Thanks also to those who were with us in spirit. I will be sure to post dates for future retreats as things develop. My hand in yours.
Pictured here: Amy, Rachel, & Carrie
