Sarah Jarvis CBT Practice

Sarah Jarvis CBT Practice I empower individuals to overcome their mental health problems with empathy, compassion and a collaborative style.

30/10/2025

Parenting doesn’t mean never losing your cool — it means learning how to find your way back.

When we manage our frustration with awareness and repair, we’re modelling something powerful for our children: that emotions can be messy and managed.

You can explore more on supporting emotional regulation (for both you and your child) here: Managing Big Feelings, a Toolkit at link in comments ⬇️ or via Linktree Shop in our Bio.

30/10/2025

“They think you’re doing fine — because you’ve gotten too good at pretending you are.”

There’s a version of ADHD no one talks about enough.
The kind that doesn’t look chaotic on the outside.
The kind that hides behind organization, overachievement, and constant smiles.
The kind that looks “put together” — but feels like drowning quietly.

That’s high-masking ADHD.

It’s the version where you spend every ounce of your energy trying to appear “normal.”
Where every interaction feels like a performance.
Where you smile, nod, and over-apologize — not because you’re fine, but because you’re afraid of being misunderstood.

It looks like:
🧼 Keeping a spotless home so no one can accuse you of being lazy.
🗣️ Mirroring others’ behavior so you don’t stand out or say the “wrong” thing.
📓 Taking detailed notes because your brain forgets what it swears it will remember.
🙂 Appearing calm even when your mind is screaming.
🗓️ Overcommitting to prove you’re reliable, even when you’re burnt out.
⭐ Trying to be perfect to compensate for the parts of your brain you’ve been told are “too much.”
🙇‍♀️ Apologizing for things that aren’t even your fault.
🫥 Downplaying your struggles because you don’t want to be a burden.
🎭 Feeling like you’re constantly performing instead of just existing.

And maybe the worst part?
People don’t see it.

Because you’ve learned how to hide it too well.
They see the effort — not the exhaustion behind it.
They see the notes, the structure, the success — not the mental gymnastics it takes to keep up.
They see the smiles — not the sensory overwhelm that hits the moment you’re alone.

You’ve spent years learning how to mask your ADHD so you could fit into a world that was never designed for your brain.
And it worked.
But it also cost you peace.

Because masking doesn’t mean managing.
It means performing survival.

You’ve taught yourself to over-prepare, over-apologize, and overachieve — just to feel “enough.”
You’ve built an image of capability to avoid judgment, and now you’re trapped inside it.
People call you “responsible,” “organized,” “driven” — not realizing you’re running on anxiety and caffeine and the fear of being seen as unreliable.

But here’s the truth:
You shouldn’t have to earn acceptance by hiding who you are.
You shouldn’t have to prove your worth by overcompensating for your wiring.
You shouldn’t have to mask your chaos just to be loved.

Because ADHD masking isn’t just exhausting — it’s isolating.
It disconnects you from the people who might actually get it if you let them see the real you.

And here’s the twist — masking doesn’t make you stronger. Vulnerability does.
The moment you stop hiding and start speaking openly about your struggles, you give others permission to do the same.

It’s okay to have bad days.
It’s okay to need help.
It’s okay if your house isn’t perfect, your planner is chaos, and your brain doesn’t follow the rules.
You are not your productivity.
You are not your performance.
You are not your mask.

You are a human being doing your best in a world that was never designed with you in mind.
And you deserve to exist as you are — unfiltered, unmasked, and unashamed.

Because the moment you stop performing and start being, that’s when you finally find peace.

14/10/2025

Beyond "Tantrums": Unpacking the Autistic Meltdown Trigger Wheel – A Guide to Understanding, Empathy, & Support 🤯

This incredible graphic, the "Autistic Meltdown Triggers Wheel" by Lil Penguin Studios, is a powerful and necessary tool for anyone seeking to understand the complex reality of Autistic meltdowns. It vividly illustrates that a meltdown is not a tantrum, a choice, or a sign of bad behavior. Instead, it's a profound physiological and psychological response to an accumulation of overwhelming stressors that push an Autistic individual past their capacity to cope.

For Autistic individuals, this wheel offers validation and a framework for self-understanding. For neurotypical allies, friends, and family, it's an essential guide to empathy, prevention, and effective support. Let’s break down these crucial trigger categories:

The Six Core Categories of Meltdown Triggers:

Sensory Issues:

The Experience: Many Autistic individuals have heightened (hypersensitivity) or diminished (hyposensitivity) responses to sensory input. This wheel highlights common culprits: Uncomfortable lights (fluorescent, flickering), noise & sounds (loud, sudden, repetitive, too many conversations), specific colors, smells, physical touch (unwanted, unexpected, certain textures), and itchy clothes (tags, seams, fabrics).

Why It Triggers: What might be a minor annoyance for a neurotypical person can be physically painful or deeply dysregulating for an Autistic person. A constant barrage of overwhelming sensory input builds up, chipping away at their ability to function until they reach a breaking point. Imagine trying to concentrate while someone scrapes their nails down a blackboard repeatedly – that’s a fraction of what sustained sensory overload can feel like.

Too Many/Much...

The Experience: This category speaks to cognitive and social overwhelm. It includes uncomfortable interactions (forced eye contact, small talk, social ambiguity), instructions (too many, unclear, rapid-fire), information (too much, too fast, too complex), thoughts (ruminating, racing), social confusion (misunderstanding social cues, unspoken rules), and waiting (especially without warning or explanation, disrupting executive function and routine).

Why It Triggers: The Autistic brain often processes information differently, sometimes more deeply or literally, and can struggle with filtering irrelevant data. Too much of anything – social demands, cognitive load, or uncertainty – can quickly deplete mental resources and lead to shutdown or meltdown. Waiting, for instance, can be profoundly unsettling due to the unpredictability and lack of control it implies.

Autistic Masking:

The Experience: This refers to the exhausting process of consciously or unconsciously suppressing natural Autistic traits and behaviors to appear "neurotypical" or to fit into social norms. Triggers here include unclear expectations, fear of judgment, excessive self-monitoring (constantly policing one's own words, gestures, expressions), and repressing stimming (suppressing self-regulatory behaviors like fidgeting, rocking, or repetitive movements).

Why It Triggers: Masking is a performance, a constant mental effort that drains cognitive and emotional energy. It requires immense focus and self-control. When someone is forced to mask for extended periods, their internal battery rapidly depletes, making them far more vulnerable to a meltdown when even a small additional stressor arises. Repressing natural stims, which are essential for self-regulation, only compounds this stress.

Other:

The Experience: This captures a range of physiological and situational factors including sleep problems, allergies, co-occurring conditions (e.g., anxiety, depression, GI issues, ADHD), medical issues, and traumas.

Why It Triggers: These are foundational stressors. Poor sleep, chronic pain, untreated medical conditions, or the lasting impact of trauma all reduce an individual's baseline capacity to cope. They create a constant underlying current of stress, making the individual highly susceptible to meltdown even from minor additional triggers. This highlights the holistic nature of well-being for Autistic individuals.

Change:

The Experience: This category speaks to the Autistic brain's strong preference for predictability and routine. Triggers include change in routine, unfamiliar situations, new places, new people, and inconsistency.

Why It Triggers: Predictability provides a sense of safety and control, reducing cognitive load. Change, even positive change, disrupts established patterns, introduces uncertainty, and demands significant mental effort to re-regulate and adapt. This can be profoundly unsettling and taxing, leading to heightened anxiety that can build into a meltdown. Inconsistency, like broken promises or unclear expectations, also falls under this, as it erodes trust in predictability.

Not Being Able to Identify/Communicate...

The Experience: This is a core challenge often linked to alexithymia (difficulty identifying and describing emotions) or verbal processing delays. Triggers include feelings & emotions (being overwhelmed by them without being able to name or express them), hunger & thirst, exhaustion, being cold/hot, pain, being mistreated, and self-gaslighting ("I shouldn't be feeling this," "I'm overreacting").

Why It Triggers: When basic internal states (like pain or hunger) or complex emotions cannot be effectively identified or communicated, it creates intense internal pressure and frustration. It's like a warning light flashing in the brain, but the user manual is missing. This profound dysregulation and inability to seek help or articulate needs can quickly escalate to a meltdown as the system overloads. Self-gaslighting compounds this by invalidating one's own legitimate feelings and needs.

The Path to Support and Prevention:

This wheel isn't just about identifying triggers; it's about empowering proactive strategies:

Self-Awareness: For Autistic individuals, understanding your personal triggers is key to self-advocacy and developing coping mechanisms.

Environmental Adjustments: For allies, modifying environments (sensory-friendly spaces, clear communication, predictable routines) can significantly reduce triggers.

Communication: Encouraging and supporting diverse forms of communication (verbal, non-verbal, AAC) for expressing needs and overwhelm is vital.

Validation: Believing and validating an Autistic person's experience, especially when they express distress, is paramount.

This "Autistic Meltdown Triggers Wheel" is a masterclass in empathy and a powerful call to move beyond judgment towards genuine understanding and support. A meltdown is a sign of immense distress, not defiance. By understanding these triggers, we can all contribute to creating a more inclusive and less overwhelming world for Autistic individuals.

Which of these triggers resonates most with you or someone you know? Share your insights and help us spread understanding!

11/10/2025

Good evening Guys!
So the other day I was writing about Interoception, so here is a poem about it too, from my personal experience as an AuDHD woman.

They say listen to your body.
But mine doesn’t speak in words,
it hums, it crackles,
it glitches like bad Wi-Fi.

Some days, I feel something rising,
and I don’t know if it’s hunger
or heartbreak.
If I’m tired,
or if the world has just been too loud again.

It’s called interoception.
Sounds scientific, doesn’t it?
But really it’s just the map
of how you feel yourself.
And mine?
Mine’s written in invisible ink.

I’m the kid who didn’t notice pain.
Or so they said.
What they didn’t see
was me trying to decode it,
wondering if that ache meant “hurt,”
or “cold,”
or “I’ve just been holding my breath too long.”

They told me to calm down,
to explain,
to say why.
But I didn’t know why.
I just knew my body was screaming
and my brain had lost the translation.

Autism isn’t just in the way we think,
it’s in the way we feel.
The way our senses whisper secrets
that don’t always make sense.
The way we learn our own language
without a dictionary.

Sometimes I melt down because I didn’t know
I was melting at all.
Didn’t know I was hungry,
or tense,
or running on empty.
Didn’t know that my heart had been
clenched in its own fist all day.

So when I go quiet,
don’t fill the silence.
Let me breathe in the static.
Let me find the signal again.

Because I’m learning.
Learning that my body isn’t broken,
it’s just broadcasting
on a different frequency.

And maybe one day,
I’ll catch it clearly.
Hear the music it’s been playing all along.
Maybe one day,
the quiet inside
will finally
make sense.

I hope it helps, with all my love,
Michaela ❤️❤️👇🏼❤️

04/10/2025

Ever wondered why worries can feel so overwhelming?

Today we’re zooming in on the brain – specifically, the amygdala. This tiny part of the brain plays a huge role in how children experience fear, stress and anxiety.

Our posts today break down the amygdala’s role in worry, helping you see what’s happening beneath the surface.

IN THE RESOURCE STORE - instant electronic download with secure global checkout. Only £3.75, introductory price until 19 October 2025.
Toolkit to accompany our new series:
When Worries Take Over: Supporting Children With Everyday Worries
The Toolkit for Parents & Educators contains parent information sheets which capture the content of our posts over the series as well as tools, resources and activities to support them young person.

Electronic download available at link in comments⬇️ or via our Linktree Shop in Bio.

04/10/2025

Why your child remembers the bad more than the good

Imagine this: your child has had a brilliant day at school. They got a sticker for their spelling, played football at lunch, and laughed with friends. But at home, when you ask how their day was, all they can talk about is when another child called them “silly” in maths.

That’s not them being dramatic — it’s the negative brain bias at work.

Our brains are wired to pay more attention to negative experiences than positive ones. It’s a survival instinct from way back — noticing danger kept humans safe.

For children, this bias means a single harsh word or tricky moment can overshadow all the good parts of the day.

Here’s where the amygdala steps in: it’s the brain’s 'alarm system'. When it senses something upsetting, it goes on high alert. The amygdala lights up, flooding the body with stress signals and pushing the brain to focus on the negative event — just in case it happens again.

The result? Your child’s mind holds onto the hurt or embarrassment much more tightly than the joy.

Knowing this helps us respond with patience and empathy. We can gently highlight the positives, but also validate the tough moments — showing our children that both can exist side by side.

IN THE RESOURCE STORE - INSTANT DOWNLOAD

NEGATIVE BIAS BRAIN ACTIVITY PACK

The negative bias is our tendency to not only register negative stimuli primarily and more readily but to also dwell on these events. Explainers include so what is negative brain bias, our conscious brain, our sub-conscious brain, negative brain bias and anxiety, positive thought patterns, negative thought patterns and challenging thought patterns, so what are negative and positive thoughts with an activity and flashcards, positive affirmations explainer and activity, the science of gratitude and activity.
Essential input for the anxious young person or adult. Resources allow the facilitator to structure the session as well as build coping skills.
Supplied as an electronic download.

DOWNLOAD available at link in comments⬇️

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20/08/2025

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Our 30 days of back-to-school wake-up songs for September is a great way for you and the family to start your mornings. After summer, getting back into a daily routine can be tricky.

Using music is a great way to do this. We’ve put together a great selection of appropriate feel-good and upbeat songs you can start the morning with. You can sing and dance along, or just put them on to help you all get out of bed and start getting ready for the day. We hope you find it useful!

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19/08/2025

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If your teenager is feeling overwhelmed about GCSE results this week, show them this grounding technique. It’s called the alphabet game – and it was a game changer for 16-year-old Kerry.

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