06/11/2025
Nursing manners
Some babies and toddlers try lots of different behaviours when they are feeding. Things like pinching, twiddling the other ni**le, kneading, grabbing hair, putting hands in your mouth, biting, coming on and off, feeding standing up and all sorts of acrobatics. Some are cute. Some hurt!
It's important to remember that although all of these behaviours are normal, if you are finding something intolerable, nursing is a 2-way relationship. You don't have to put up with it!
Start early! If your child starts to do something you don't like, start to work on it immediately. It's true a lot of behaviours are temporary as they are just exploring, but you don't want them to keep doing it if you can't stand it!
Distraction - if it is something baby's hand is doing, give them something else to play with; a toy, or scarf perhaps. Or move their hand to a part of the body, which is less sensitive
Offer alternatives. Try offering to do something else. Maybe take them off and offer a toy, play, go out, give them a teether to chew, a snack or drink instead. If they want to nurse again, offer the other breast as sometimes the faster flow reduces the behaviour
If unwanted behaviours continue, take baby off and explain simply that they can't feed if they do that as it hurts or it make you don't like it. Offer them an alternative or if they want to continue feeding then they must not do it. Even quite young toddlers can understand this concept, although they might not like it! But boundaries are important. Gentle parenting is not permissive parenting!
Use a code word - some have concerns about the way their child asks to nurse. Maybe they yell BOOOB! or start to help themselves by undoing your bra or pulling your top down. Having a baby sign or code word can make this easier
If your child is asking to breastfeed very frequently in the daytime and you are struggling, there are some things you can do. Distract! Go out to play. Offer a snack or drink or cuddle. Go out for nap time. Use "after ... " type language so you're not saying "no" but "later". Remember it's OK to negotiate and its a good way to introduce body autonomy