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http://www.peoplebuilding.co.uk/

Gemma Bailey, People Building - Hertfordshire, People Building, 15 Queensway, Hemel Hempstead (2025)

14/11/2025

The Myth of Self-Sacrifice: Why People-Pleasing Damages Relationships

It’s easy to believe that being agreeable, accommodating, and self-sacrificing will make your relationships easier. But often, the opposite happens. When we give up our needs to please others, the relationship becomes unbalanced, and resentment quietly builds.

The Balance Between Connection and Integrity

In Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), relationship effectiveness means finding ways to strengthen or maintain relationships without damaging them in the long run. It’s about staying connected while standing your ground.

If your goal in communication is simply to make someone like or approve of you, or to stop them from criticising or rejecting you, you might win short-term peace but lose long-term self-respect. Real relationship effectiveness means you can understand the other person’s perspective and still assert your own needs without threats, attacks, or judgement.

The truth is, self-respect and connection don’t compete – they coexist when we act from awareness, not fear.

When People-Pleasing Backfires

Recently, I had an out-of-character reaction to a friend of mine. This person often spoke negatively about others, and though I didn’t enjoy that side of them, I tolerated it. I hadn’t realised how much it bothered me until one day, they spoke negatively about me.

That was the moment I understood that when they judged others with me, they were also judging me. And instead of calmly asserting myself, I snapped. I attacked back. For days, I justified my reaction. I tried to make it make sense.

But DBT teaches that effective self-respect means maintaining your integrity and values while pursuing your goals. I had upheld my values – honesty and fairness – but not my sense of mastery or composure.

Asking the DBT Question That Changes Everything

Here’s the question DBT invites us to ask in those difficult moments:
How do I want to feel about myself after the interaction is over, regardless of whether I get the outcome I want?

Looking back, I wish I’d expressed my disappointment more thoughtfully. I wish I’d spoken with courage and clarity instead of defensiveness. It wouldn’t have changed my friend’s behaviour, but it would have changed how I felt about myself.

It takes courage to stand up for yourself without lashing out, and grace to do it with love. That’s the balance DBT helps us to find - strength without aggression, compassion without self-betrayal.

In DBT, we learn that improving relationships isn’t about control, it’s about truth with kindness.

Learn How to Build Healthier Relationships in 2026

If you’ve ever struggled to assert yourself, manage emotional responses, or maintain relationships without self-sacrifice, DBT training offers a structured, science-backed path to change.

You’ll explore the full range of DBT skills across four powerful modules, each designed to help you understand yourself, regulate emotions, and communicate more effectively.

See the full training prospectus here:
https://peoplebuilding.s3.us-east-1.amazonaws.com/DBT+Training+Info+2026.pdf

Early-Bird Prices (until 2026)

£180 per module (10 weeks each) – Dates and times confirmed early next week
👉 Book a single module here: https://peopleb.infusionsoft.app/app/orderForms/DBT-Modules

£594 for the full four-module course – Dates and times confirmed early next week
👉 Book the full DBT training here: https://peopleb.infusionsoft.com/app/orderForms/DBT-Full-Training

2026 Prices:
£250 per module
£849 for the whole course

This isn’t just training for professionals - it’s an opportunity for anyone who wants to improve how they connect, communicate, and live in alignment with their values.

by Gemma Bailey (with the help of Ai)
https://www.peoplebuilding.co.uk/franchise

Aspiring Coaches & Therapists:It’s Time to Leave the Day-Job Drudgery Behind You! We Promise To Provide World-Class Training and Secure You 5 Live, Client Consultations Within 3 Months of Starting to Trade in Your Own People Building Franchise Business. Or […]

12/11/2025

You’re Showing Up , But Are You Really Present?
When you’re a tech founder, everything runs on urgency. Every hour is booked, every message feels like a small fire, and every meeting demands the best version of you.

From the outside, you’re functioning , brilliantly, even. But inside? It’s different.

You might be forgetting things more often. You’re snapping at your team for reasons you can’t quite explain. You’re staring at your laptop for minutes before clicking anything. It’s not that you’re tired, it’s that you’re done.

This is the burnout that doesn’t show on your calendar. And it’s costing you more than time.

Because the real loss here isn’t hours. It’s mental clarity.

The Startup World Doesn’t Wait for a Reset
Founders are notorious for pushing through. You scale pain like you scale product , quickly, relentlessly, without a moment to breathe.

But here’s the trap: when you override your nervous system every day, your mind adapts by numbing. You start detaching from the mission, from your team, from yourself.

You say things like “I just need to get through this quarter,” or “Once we close the round, I’ll take care of myself.” But the goalpost moves. Again. And again.

Mental clarity becomes a luxury , one you tell yourself you’ll earn after.

Except that after rarely comes.

What You’re Risking Isn’t Just the Business
One founder I worked with hit every milestone investors wanted. Series B closed. Product humming. Big-name hires onboard.

But his marriage was imploding. He hadn’t slept properly in months. And he was starting to fantasize about selling the company , not because he didn’t believe in it, but because it felt like the only escape.

That’s what happens when you lose mental clarity.

Decisions become reactive. Communication gets defensive. Vision fades.

Your company doesn’t just run on strategy , it runs on your inner capacity to lead. And that only holds if your psychological state is stable.

You Don’t Need to Break to Get Support
The best founders don’t wait for a breakdown. They get proactive. They realize that clarity, not hustle, is what fuels high-performance leadership.

Mental clarity isn’t just about meditation or journaling. It’s about having a trusted advisor in your corner , someone who helps you unpack, decompress, and reconnect to your own inner compass.

Because when your mind is clear, decisions flow. Communication sharpens. Relationships repair.

And leadership feels like leadership again , not survival.

by Gemma Bailey (with the help of Ai)

Gemma Bailey is the company director of People Building, NLP4Kids and HypnotherapyandNLP.co.uk. She is a qualified NLP trainer and hypnotherapy trainer and as a qualified nursery nurse has a specialism in working with children, young people, parents and teachers.

11/11/2025

A friend of mine has been trying to get fitter for years. You know the story - the new gym kit, the motivational videos, the fancy equipment that ends up gathering dust. She’s got it all: a Peloton bike, a treadmill, even a dog that practically begs to be walked. And yet, motivation has always been slippery.

Then, one day, something changed.

The Most Unexpected Motivation Coach

Her son, who’s in his mid-twenties, often brings his friends round before they head out for a night on the town. One evening, one of these lads - a polite, fit, twenty-year-old with the kind of energy that only youth and pre-drinks can provide - asked how she was doing.

She admitted, half-laughing, that she wasn’t as motivated to exercise as she’d like to be. His response, she told me, wasn’t mocking or patronising. It was one of those rare moments where the right words land in exactly the right way. Whatever he said - whether it was his tone, his confidence, or some universal alignment of timing and truth - it hit her squarely between the ribs.

And that was it. Switch flicked. She started taking her health seriously, and she hasn’t looked back.

Her new commitment didn’t come from a fitness app or an Instagram reel. It came from an unexpected messenger who, for reasons beyond explanation, said something that reached her at precisely the moment she was ready to hear it.

Sometimes, transformation arrives disguised as small talk.

The Searcher’s Frequency

There’s a lesson here that goes far beyond fitness. When you’re searching for something - whether it’s motivation, peace, direction, or purpose - you become like a receiver, tuned in and open to signals that might otherwise go unnoticed.

You might find the insight you need in a book title that catches your eye, a random conversation at work, or even an email (like this one). But that signal only reaches you when you’re actively seeking. When your attention is focused on what you want, you’ll start to notice evidence of it everywhere.

The opposite is equally true. Focus on what you want to avoid - fear, failure, rejection - and your mind will tune itself to pick up those signals instead. You’ll find proof of your worries wherever you look.

The Power of Attention

This isn’t mystical; it’s neurological. The brain has a filtering system called the Reticular Activating System (RAS). It decides what information is important enough to reach your conscious awareness. Once you tell it what to look for, it will obediently start spotting it everywhere.

That’s why when you buy a new car, you suddenly see that same model all over the road. It’s also why when you start believing that opportunities are everywhere, they start appearing more frequently. Your brain is doing its job - filtering in the useful, filtering out the irrelevant.

Change begins the moment you stop scanning for problems and start scanning for possibilities.

Your Signal Is Waiting

If there’s something in your life that feels stuck - a goal that keeps slipping away or a habit that refuses to shift - try tuning your receiver differently. Ask yourself, not “Why can’t I do this?” but “What if I could?” Then start looking for evidence that supports that question.

Because the message you need - the spark, the idea, the conversation that moves you forward - is probably already on its way. You just need to be tuned in when it arrives.

by Gemma Bailey (with the help of Ai)
https://www.peoplebuilding.co.uk/franchise

Aspiring Coaches & Therapists:It’s Time to Leave the Day-Job Drudgery Behind You! We Promise To Provide World-Class Training and Secure You 5 Live, Client Consultations Within 3 Months of Starting to Trade in Your Own People Building Franchise Business. Or […]

07/11/2025

Anyone who’s worked with both children and adults will tell you this: kids change fast, adults change slow.

Why Children Transform Faster Than Adults

When I work with children, I’m often amazed by how rapidly their emotional state can flip. One minute they’re sobbing, the next they’re in fits of giggles. It’s like watching weather in fast-forward. Children don’t agonise about whether they’re “ready” to change – they just do it.

Adults, though, are another story. With them, change can feel like turning a cruise liner 180 degrees in the middle of the ocean. Painfully slow, full of internal bureaucracy, and endlessly debated by the committee in their heads.

“Children accept change as natural – adults treat it like a negotiation.”

In our coaching franchise, we see this distinction every day. Clients say they want transformation, yet unconsciously pile conditions on top of it: “I’ll feel better once I understand it all.” “I can change when work calms down.” “I’ll start after the next crisis.” These invisible contracts delay growth indefinitely.

The Permission Problem

Even as coaches, we fall into this trap ourselves. Recently I had a business win – one of those small but satisfying moments that confirm you’re on the right path. My immediate reaction? “That was just luck.” I dismissed my own effort and creativity in seconds.

But if the outcome had been negative, I’d have analysed it endlessly, finding every personal flaw that contributed. Sound familiar? Adults are experts at collecting guilt but allergic to recognising progress.

We over-examine pain and under-celebrate success. We carry the emotional weight of past failures far longer than necessary, as though guilt is proof of virtue. Yet letting go often requires nothing more complicated than permission.

If you’ve learned what you needed from a difficult experience, then keeping hold of it isn’t noble – it’s heavy.

Progress doesn’t require pain – it requires permission.

When Change Feels Too Easy

Here’s the strange thing: adults often distrust easy progress. Somewhere along the line we internalised the belief that “real change must hurt.” And that’s the very belief keeping many clients trapped.

In your coaching sessions, you can challenge this quietly but powerfully. Ask: “When did you decide that change must be hard?” Then remind them that they’ve already achieved monumental change before they even knew what effort was.

“Before they could talk, they learned to walk – without comparison, doubt, or fear of failure.”

That simple metaphor can shift perspective instantly. It invites clients to remember the raw, instinctive competence they were born with, before life layered it with hesitation.

Helping Clients Re-learn Ease

In our coaching franchise, this is one of the most transformative conversations you can facilitate. When clients start to view change as natural rather than heroic, their nervous system relaxes. The defences soften. Momentum returns.

Adults don’t fail to change because they lack ability. They fail because they’ve built walls of justification around their pain. Your job is to help them find the unlocked door they’ve been walking past all along.

Sometimes that’s all it takes – the right metaphor, the right permission, and the willingness to believe that improvement doesn’t have to be a battle.

by Gemma Bailey (with the help of Ai)
https://www.peoplebuilding.co.uk/franchise

Aspiring Coaches & Therapists:It’s Time to Leave the Day-Job Drudgery Behind You! We Promise To Provide World-Class Training and Secure You 5 Live, Client Consultations Within 3 Months of Starting to Trade in Your Own People Building Franchise Business. Or […]

04/11/2025

I had coffee with an old friend recently — a therapist I’ve known for years. He won’t appreciate me calling him “old”, but we go way back.

Over time, he’s made a huge shift in the way he works. In the past, he was someone who took on a high volume of clients and had his hands in lots of projects — from therapy sessions to developing websites. These days, he’s honed his focus. He works just three days a week in his practice, seeing clients back‑to‑back. The other two days? He spends them playing golf.

Not bad, right?

So what changed?

He started doing exactly what I tell all of our **coaching franchisees** to do.

**Build the foundations that do the heavy lifting**

First — deliver great work. That might sound obvious, but truly going above and beyond in your sessions creates something incredibly powerful: word‑of‑mouth. Over time, this becomes your strongest marketing force. But in the beginning, that takes work — building your website, getting your ads out, setting a marketing budget, and protecting time in your calendar to make it happen.

And then you do great work again. So great that even if your clients don’t come back themselves, they send their friends, family, colleagues, or even the person standing next to them at the gym.

*“You’ll only need to see 50 % of the people you saw before on your new rate — and you’ll make exactly the same money.”*

**Raise your value, and your diary changes**

Here’s where people get stuck. They worry that putting up their prices will scare people away. But that’s kind of the point. When you raise your rates, some people *will* drop off. But the rest will be enough to cover your earnings — and you’ve just reclaimed hours, days, even *weeks* of your life.

And what happens next?

Those gaps in your diary start to fill again. But this time, with clients who see your fees as fair. You’re no longer trying to convince people of your value — they already believe in it.

This cycle continues: you get busier again, you adjust your fees again. And each time, you’re fine‑tuning not just your income, but your lifestyle — building a business that works for *you*, not the other way around.

**There are no more excuses**

Some people complicate things unnecessarily. They convince themselves they can’t write well enough for their website. That they can’t advertise effectively. That they can’t structure their business like a real coaching franchise.

But here’s the truth: the tools exist — and many are free.

Free tools that tell you how to design a great website layout.
Free tools that help you write compelling ads.
Free tools to help you market on a budget — or for no cost at all.

*“What separates the fully booked from the forever busy isn’t luck — it’s structure, strategy, and the refusal to stay stuck.”*

**Your next move is waiting**

If you’re still running your business like you’re waiting for permission to step into the next level, it’s time to stop.

Think about what would change if you doubled your price and halved your hours.
Think about the quality of your clients.
Think about the energy you’d get back — for yourself, your family, your life.

That’s not just theory. It’s the reality for those who take their coaching franchise seriously.

Your practice can be full.
Your value can be recognised.
And your time can finally feel like it’s yours again.

🎯

by Gemma Bailey (with the help of Ai)
https://www.peoplebuilding.co.uk/franchise

Aspiring Coaches & Therapists:It’s Time to Leave the Day-Job Drudgery Behind You! We Promise To Provide World-Class Training and Secure You 5 Live, Client Consultations Within 3 Months of Starting to Trade in Your Own People Building Franchise Business. Or […]

31/10/2025

If you’re someone who’s always been the dependable one — the person who shows up, steps in, and saves the day — this one’s for you.

Because I’ve lived that role too. And while it can feel purposeful (even glorious at times), it can also quietly undo you — especially if you never learned how to say no without feeling like a bad person.

**When helping becomes harmful**

Let me take you back a bit. I’ve always been someone who likes to help — at work, with friends, in my family. That tendency shaped a lot of the life choices I made. I ended up in a helping profession, sure. But I also became the “go‑to” person in real life too. The one who people could rely on, without question. The one who *always* said yes.

And here’s the truth I had to face: when you make yourself available all the time, even at your own expense, two painful things start to happen.

First — you accidentally train people to expect you’ll always be there. No questions asked. No matter how stretched you are.

Second — you become terrible at recognising when *you* need help, or when you’ve taken on too much. You start ignoring the signs that something needs to be a no, just to keep being the “good” person.

**“This doesn’t feel right — but I said yes anyway.”**

Let me give you an example. A big one.

When my nan was alive, I was the one who always picked her up for family events. I’d get her food from the buffet, make sure she had what she needed, drive her home. I’d trained myself into being that “don’t worry, I’ve got it” person. And others had learned to expect it.

Then one day, I got a phone call from the hospital. It was about my dad. His heart had stopped. They were working on him, but I knew — deep down — what that really meant. It was likely he’d passed away.

Panicked and shaken, I called a family member to update them. And they said: “Can you come and pick me up?”

And just like that — I said yes.

But I wasn’t near my car at the time. I had a walk ahead of me, and in that space — finally — something different happened. I started to feel something beyond the panic. A tug in my chest. A rising wave of *why am I doing this?* Why am I about to go out of my way — again — when my own world is falling apart?

In that moment, I didn’t have the strength to say no directly. So instead, I called someone else and asked if they could help instead.

**Learning to hear your “no”**

That walk gave me what I’d been missing for years: the pause. The chance to feel what was really going on inside me. That maybe — just maybe — I wasn’t okay. That maybe I didn’t *want* to say yes.

If you’ve been overriding that inner voice for too long, it might be harder to hear it now. But trust me, it’s still there. Sometimes it’s a sentence in your head. Sometimes it’s a tight feeling in your stomach. Sometimes it’s just the sense that *this isn’t what I want*.

Once you start noticing it, you can start listening to it.

**Start with the small no’s**

Don’t begin with the big, scary no’s — the ones that carry a heavy emotional weight. Start small.

Say no when your partner asks to share your KitKat, even if it feels petty. Say no when your child asks to switch the TV channel, and you’re enjoying your show. These little moments matter. Because they teach your system — and everyone around you — that you’re allowed to have limits.

*“When you honour your limits, you teach others how to respect them too.”*

**The only reason to revisit a boundary… is to praise yourself for keeping it**

Once you’ve said no — let it stand.

Don’t overanalyse it. Don’t pick it apart in your mind for hours. Don’t let guilt sink its teeth in. Your job is to reinforce your decision. “I did it. I said no. And it was the right thing to do.”

Because each time you honour your boundaries, you become stronger. You stop burning out. You start showing up for others in a way that’s sustainable — and real.

And when you do that, you’re not just protecting your peace. You’re rewriting the story about what it means to be kind, compassionate, and human.

Not always available.
Not endlessly giving.
But honest. Clear. And still caring.

💛

by Gemma Bailey (with the help of Ai)
https://www.peoplebuilding.co.uk/franchise

Aspiring Coaches & Therapists:It’s Time to Leave the Day-Job Drudgery Behind You! We Promise To Provide World-Class Training and Secure You 5 Live, Client Consultations Within 3 Months of Starting to Trade in Your Own People Building Franchise Business. Or […]

28/10/2025

You can learn endlessly — but if you never act, nothing changes.

Some years ago, I enrolled on a course to learn how to build a property business. Spoiler alert — I never did anything in property. But I did take away a few golden nuggets of wisdom that still apply to this day, particularly in business and mindset.

Multitasking Isn’t a Badge of Honour – It’s a Recipe for Failure

One memorable exercise from that course was designed to prove that multitasking simply doesn’t work. First, we were told to write out the alphabet from A to Z, followed by the numbers 1 to 26 in sequence — easy enough.

Then we had to do the same tasks again, but in a multitasking format: write one letter, then its corresponding number (A1, B2, C3...) all the way through. Unsurprisingly, we were all significantly slower the second time.

Multitasking doesn’t just slow you down — it increases errors, drains your mental energy, and prevents deep focus.

Focus isn’t a luxury — it’s a necessity. Especially if you’re serious about building a coaching franchise that thrives.

Everything in Your Life Is Already Taking Up Space

That course trainer said something I’ve never forgotten:
“You are already using every available hour in your day — even if it’s just to lounge around. So if you’re going to succeed at something new, you’ll need to give something else up.”

Let that land for a moment.

Maybe it’s your Friday night pub trip. Maybe it’s your Sunday morning lie-in. Maybe it’s scrolling on your phone during TV adverts. But you are going to have to sacrifice something.

And many people never do. They want change without challenge. They want growth without giving anything up. They want success in their coaching franchise without sacrificing the old routines that are keeping them stuck.

That’s why they stay broke — not because they aren’t capable, but because they’re not available. They haven’t made space for success.

If you're not willing to let something go, you're not ready to take something better on.

The Lie That Keeps Many Broke

“I just need to juggle things better — then I’ll make it work…”

That sounds logical. But it’s one of the most dangerous lies in business.

We convince ourselves we can “squeeze it all in” — start a new business while still holding onto every convenience and comfort of our old life. But the truth is, task switching (even between small things) is just as damaging as multitasking.

Psychologists have shown that switching focus between tasks can reduce productivity by as much as 40% — not because you’re lazy, but because your brain has to reset every time.

Want your coaching franchise to grow? Then close the tabs — in your mind, your browser, and your daily schedule. Focus like it matters, because it does.

Decide What You're Willing to Trade

Here’s what this all boils down to:

✔ Success is not just about working harder — it’s about choosing better.
✔ Make space for your business, or it won’t grow.
✔ Trade comfort now for freedom later.

Some of the most successful people I know sacrificed weekends, social lives, and even relationships in order to build something lasting. You don’t need to go to extremes — but you do need to go with intention.

And above all else — act. Not perfectly. Not with all the answers. Just act. Because clarity comes from doing, not thinking.

by Gemma Bailey (with the help of Ai)
https://www.peoplebuilding.co.uk/franchise

Aspiring Coaches & Therapists:It’s Time to Leave the Day-Job Drudgery Behind You! We Promise To Provide World-Class Training and Secure You 5 Live, Client Consultations Within 3 Months of Starting to Trade in Your Own People Building Franchise Business. Or […]

24/10/2025

I never saw it coming — that the person I thought I was *saving* was the one who would teach me the hardest lessons.

**When Kindness Becomes the Cage**

My uncle was an alcoholic. And he carried other addictions I won’t detail here. For **two years**, I took it upon myself to manage his life: improving his living conditions, making choices in his stead, trying to be a hero in a situation spiralling out of control.

This all happened while my mother was fading into her final stages of brain disease, and while I was scrambling to find a new care home for my sister — whose epilepsy specialist residential placement was being shut down.

If it sounds like too much — it was. Running multiple business empires on top of that felt like balancing on a knife’s edge.

And when I look back now, I ask: What planet was I on when I volunteered to “save” him?

At the time, I think I believed strongly in my moral code — that caring was duty. That stepping in was the only honourable path.

But here's the twist: I believed he was the addict. The one with the problem.

I was wrong.

**The Addiction I Didn’t See**

The more I “helped,” the more I realised something uncomfortable: I’m the addict.

Not to drink, but to struggle. To tension. To proving my worth through rescuing others.

Call it conditioning, unmet need, or something I inherited. But I’ll call it what it is: **I’m addicted to struggle**.

I had been raised in a system where struggling was equated with virtue. Praise came when I coped brilliantly, even under suffering. It taught me that the harder the battle, the more valid the success.

So I leaned in. I swallowed more pain. I accepted more roles.

My uncle never recovered. Two years in, he passed away from his addiction.

Me? My addiction won’t take me out physically (I hope). But it’s a slow drain. And I’m facing it head on now.

**From Resistance to Rewiring**

It’s not easy to reprogram a wiring that’s been reinforced for decades. The world gives you more of what you *tend to look for.*

If you expect struggle, your brain gravitates toward struggle. If you expect conflict, you’ll unconsciously attract it.

The harder I’ve worked at “earning rest,” the more foreign rest becomes.

But rest, ease, peace — these are not luxuries. They’re necessary. They’re the fertile soil from which creativity, clarity, joy, and growth sprout.

I’m done believing that pain is the only path. I’m choosing a different narrative for myself.

I’ll be transparent with you: this process will stretch me. It will unearth shame. It will demand self‑care I’ve neglected.

Yet in that space lies freedom. In that discomfort lies growth.

**Join Me in Letting Go (Together)**

As part of this **coaching franchise** community, I want to bring you along with me — not as spectators, but participants.

You may have your own addiction to struggle. Or you may know someone who does.

What if your greatest act of courage is:
To stop rescuing.
To stop sympathising with chronic stress.
To stop proving your value in suffering.

Because ease is not weakness.
Rest is not failure.
Healing is not passive.

I’m going to share with you my experiments, my days of collapse and resurgence, my micro‑victories.

Wish me luck.

Because I believe that by confronting this with honesty, I might free more of us than I ever thought possible.

by Gemma Bailey (with the help of Ai)
https://www.peoplebuilding.co.uk/franchise

Aspiring Coaches & Therapists:It’s Time to Leave the Day-Job Drudgery Behind You! We Promise To Provide World-Class Training and Secure You 5 Live, Client Consultations Within 3 Months of Starting to Trade in Your Own People Building Franchise Business. Or […]

Gemma Bailey, People Building - Hertfordshire

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