Herts Couples Therapy

17/08/2022

There are ways of dealing with infidelity. This isn't one of them!

The hurt partner often looks for retribution, retreats, or gets revenge. None of these approaches helps the relationship or helps either party move on from the affair.

Couples can actually become stronger and have a healthier relationship than before, if managed in the right way.

To find out how you and your partner can overcome infidelity (the right way!) get in touch.

30/04/2022

- Marcus Aurelius (Roman Emperor and philosopher)

How often do we get angry at situations or keep that anger to ourselves? How is that useful? When we have anger toward situations, objects, or hold on to anger we harm noone but ourselves. We will see no change or outcome.

BCT can help couples and individuals learn how to express anger effectively, in a way that can be heard and elicit change.

06/04/2022

What's the difference between being equal in a relationship and being identical?

Does one serve a relationship better than the other?

Often couples compete and compare as the efforts and contributions they make are not identical. But should they be?

How would a relationship function if both partners did the exact same thing?

What if every employee at a company had identical jobs? Would the business function? Everyone doing a little accounting, a little marketing, a little sales, a little cleaning. Would that work? Or would the business run better having employees that specialise in each area? Although unidentical, could they still be equals?

Accepting that you can't be identical but striving for equality will put your relationship in a much better place.

18/03/2022

Too often when couples come in to conflict they talk about each other. "You do this, and you think that". This only adds fuel to the fire.

Next time you're having a difficult conversation or trying to communicate your perspective, try to use this template to help you remain subjective.

Watch how quickly defence turns to empathy and understanding.

22/01/2022

Who's watching Couples Therapy on BBC 2?

22/07/2021

No partner, nor relationship, is perfect.

Quote from couples therapist, author, and podcaster on the podcast.

If you have never listened to Esther Perel's 'Where should we begin?' Or Jay Shetty's 'On Purpose' podcast I HIGHLY recommend giving them a go.

The two recently spoke on Jay Shetty's podcast about finding love and the real reason couples break up.

Esther is incredibly insightful and realistic about relationships. She even delves in to managing friendships after lockdown.

Go listen! 🎧

21/07/2021

Think about the last time you criticised someone. What were you really wishing for?
Criticism damages relationships. Next time you think about criticising, think about what you are really hoping for.
Expressing wishes and wants is constructive and helps improve relationships.

12/06/2021

"Intimacy is about being able to open up to your partner and trust that what you are sharing will be handled with respect and care"

So how do you get your partner to open up more?

Psychology Today: How to Get Your Partner to Open Up to You.

Strategies to help you create more open communication and emotional intimacy.

04/04/2021

Balance is key to a happy relationship.

Too much time spent exclusively on ourselves, as a couple, or with others jeopardizes individual wellbeing and relationship satisfaction.

When planning your week ensure you have a mixture of things for yourself, activities as a couple, and time with others.

31/03/2021

Living with a partner with mental health or physical health difficulties will naturally take its toll on a person. However, when a loved one is struggling we may wish to protect them from our own struggles, hoping we can protect them from that extra burden.

Whilst this makes sense in theory, in practice it actually creates divides or disconnects a couple and can lead to worse mental health and physical health.

Studies have shown that when a person is diagnosed with cancer and their partner does not express his/her thoughts/emotions it has a negative effect on the person with the cancer diagnosis. This is similar in depression and anxiety diagnosis.

The conclusion, even when the other person is struggling you should express your own difficulties. It will actually help both individuals and the relationship.

28/03/2021

Honest and open communication is key. That means expressing the good, the bad, and everything in-between.

How can you expect your partner to stop doing the things that upset you, or do more of the things you love, if they aren't aware of how you feel or what you're thinking.

Learning effective communication skills is the starting point for 95%+ of the couples I've worked with. It lays the foundation for everything else.