Bright Consciousness Psychotherapy & Mindfulness

02/03/2026

Deep breath in, deep breath out. No matter how busy or overwhelming life feels, we can choose to slow down, notice and make the most of life’s precious everyday moments. Join us https://actionforhappiness.org/mindful-march

01/03/2026

Pay attention to this! We become the thoughts we rehearse

26/02/2026

This is such an important thing. And particularly with the parents of millennials, who really wanted to be friends with their kids.

And soooo many people’s perceptions and expectations of family relationships are based upon sitcoms and movies. Not based on real relationships.

There was this sense of parenting being done once kids are adults. But there is always a power imbalance and/or a perception imbalance and adult children (of all ages) look at their parents in a way that excludes them from being reciprocal or peer relationships. They are always going to ‘project’ onto their parent.

It can feel infuriating that the person an adult child is describing as their parent can feel totally divorced from who we are and how we are, what our values are, and how we see ourselves. A parent is never going to feel seen by their child. It IS unfair.

But, it’s not an appropriate place to look for an unmet need to feel seen to be met by a child (of any age). You are still the parent to them and they can’t see you clearly. Make sure you get your need to feel seen met elsewhere.

It’s a sad truth but, as Rachel says, it can be liberating to accept all of this. We can at least let go of arguing with reality. It doesn’t matter how old your parent is or how old your adult child gets: it’s never equal.

It can help people to think about it like when we do the work of recognising our privilege. There is always going to be an imbalance and difference. We might feel motivated to remove the difference, but we really need to move in the direction of making sure we own our privilege and acknowledge the difference. And this is ego work. It can be a painful process. Facing it can be a huge opportunity.

‘What is wise?’ is a helpful question. Likewise it can be helpful recognising that adult kids are doing what they need to do and they’re looking after themselves, offering them acceptance. We can hold space for love - even in separation. Growing is differentiation.

23/02/2026

Grounding yourself. Validating their experience. Name the emotions.

And I love how Rachel suggests to ask for further conversation after you’ve had a chance to process.

Anyone who works with me will know I am a big fan of validating and then checking out the unmet needs in the memory they shared. ‘Oh I can hear that you really needed to feel like you had a wise adult in that moment and to feel safe and listened to?’ Because even if the memory is a time long past (and maybe at this stage it’s up to them to offer those unmet needs to themselves now as grown adults) you can still be a role model for recognising unmet needs in a way that you weren’t able to at the time when they were children. It’s never too late.

And don’t forget attunement. Not everyone will be up to a hug. Respect that. But a hand on a shoulder? Maybe. But, if that is too much, how about putting your hand on your own shoulder or your heart to offer a visible signal of attunement even while offering touch to them isn’t on the table. Right hemisphere to right hemisphere can be a smile or a gesture of down regulation to let them know your body is calm as you receive them.

And adult kids - this is going to take a few bites of the cherry. You might want to trauma dump on your parent, and it’s ok if you do, but to fully feel heard by them, they are going to need time to process and to do their own work around the things you’ve shared. Most parents are terrified of having harmed their child and made mistakes. Guilt is an appropriate emotion and they may have their own shame journey to go on around that. If the younger you feeling heard and getting their needs met is your goal, then it’s going to be a parallel process. And it’s best done slowly and steadily.

Learning to own our mistakes is a process for all of us, but this journey can absolutely be one that enriches the relationship between parent and child, but also the adult child’s relationship with themself and the parent’s relationship with themself can benefit too.

It is going to be some work, and it will absolutely require patience, but it could be very rewarding for all.

22/02/2026

🌼 What’s on? 🌼

* I am offering free additional supervision for one or two qualified therapists (in order to help me complete my supervision certification). Email below for more info.

* March 6 - May 8 2026. Introduction to Focusing course (This equates to module 1 and 2 of the BFA Focusing Skills certification). £300.

* March 6th. Changes group. 6pm-8pm. £9. Church Bay, Anglesey.

* March 8 2026 - Focusing Retreat “Spring Reset” limited spaces £80.

* March 21st 2026 - Ambiguous Loss & Estrangement focusing group meet. Zoom. 11am -1pm

* Wholebody Focusing/Focusing in Nature retreat Anglesey, North Wales May 15th - 17th. £150.

* May 2026 - Ambiguous Loss & Estrangement focusing group meet. Zoom.

Please email brightconsciousness@gmail.com for info or message me

16/12/2025

15/12/2025

Touchingly shared by Ren

15/12/2025

There’s a common assumption in estrangement conversations that parents always hold the power.⁣
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That idea makes sense when we’re talking about childhood. Parents do hold structural power over minors, and that reality matters.⁣
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But adulthood changes the relationship entirely. Autonomy changes the power landscape. Choice changes the leverage.⁣
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In adult relationships, power is less about role and more about who controls access, terms, and the willingness to walk away.⁣
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I don’t believe power is even the best primary lens for understanding families. Research on family ambivalence offers a far more accurate picture of long-term relationships. Still, because power narratives dominate so much of the estrangement discourse, I wanted to slow this claim down and examine whether it actually holds up.⁣
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This essay isn’t about blaming parents or adult children. It’s about naming how power really operates in adulthood and why misnaming it makes repair harder, not easier.⁣
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Full piece on Substack. ⁣
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Www.rachelhaack.substack.com⁣
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Linked in my profile and under Substack highlight. I welcome your comments ⬇️❤️⁣