20/11/2023
Detachment is the dance of life- Lessons from Malaysia.
After months of immersing myself in the hustle of teaching and consultancy work in the heart of London, I heard the universe whispered in my ear, and it didn't say, "Work Harder." Instead, it sang sweet melody of "Work Hard, Play Harder." And so, with a dramatic flair only found in Asian action movies I triggered the “Me-Time” button. My "Me-Time Extravaganza" is a ritualistic act of pure selfishness, a chance to self-actualize, to practice mindfulness, and escape the clutches of the material world. I do sprinkle a little Me-Time magic every day with my micro mindfulness, but once a year, I take a more extended sabbatical. (Folks, I strongly encourage you to consider this Me-Time revolution. Recharge those internal batteries and realign that moral compass of yours!).
My Me-Time compass pointed me to the base of Mount Kinabalu in Sabah, Borneo. Now, I know what you're thinking - "Mount Who? Where?" But hold your horses! This baby is one of Southeast Asia's highest peaks, a World Heritage site, and my chosen spot for a rendezvous with nature.
Having reached Mount Kinabalu park, and after a three-hour solitary walk through exquisite mountain trails, I found myself at the foot of this majestic mountain. Alone, I basked in the liberating embrace of nature, realizing that possessing less can indeed make life feel richer. The silence was so profound that I heard the mountains whispering the secret password- "Detachment." Yes, detachment from physical and emotional baggage. It may sound philosophical, but the hard reality is that one day, we must all leave everything behind—so why not practice that now?
Days later, I found myself back in the urban chaos of Kuala Lumpur, sharing a rowdy pub night with my buddy and his Jiu-Jitsu fighters. Picture this: beer-fuelled banter, grappling gossip, and pre-fight talks that could rival “Mohammad Ali’s Rumble in the Jungle”. My friend, a senior citizen like me but with the gift of gab and a black belt in trash talk, engages in a verbal joust with a younger Jiu-Jitsu enthusiast. The young fella looked like he just discovered his avocado toast was missing the avocado, and the toast is burnt. Over time, the younger person seemed visibly uncomfortable, bordering on being emotional hurt.
Amid their animated world, the word from the foot of Mount Kinabalu danced in my mind - Detachment. I'm pondering, "Could this young fighter spare himself from emotional harm by practicing detachment?" Parry-a-Blow is a term used in another sports, fencing. It is a technique of deflecting the attack and diverting the energy in another direction. Life, my friends, is like most contact sports- dealing with difficult managers, irate colleagues, aggressive clients, and partners with a black belt in being a pain in the you-know-where and similar energy-draining situations. Like a Tai Chi master, stepping aside and deflecting the negativity might be a more effective strategy than resisting, blocking, or counterattacking.
Buddha's wisdom echoed in the pub chaos: "If someone offers you a gift and you do not accept it, to whom does the gift belong? If you become angry with me and I don't feel insulted nor accept your hostility, the anger falls back on you, as it was initially yours. You are then the only one who becomes unhappy, not me. All you've done is hurt yourself."
In the dance of life, maybe detachment is the funky dance move that lets us glide through challenges unscathed. The real strength? It's not in resisting but in letting go. The Malaysians practice, “Tidak Apa attitude” (don’t care) which they reiterate by saying “Relak Lah breder” (Relax brother). So simple, yet so effective. So, my fellow urban warriors, let's work hard, play harder, and laugh hardest because in the end, the universe might just be one big cosmic stand-up comedy show. Cheers to playful banter, Trash Talk, self-deprecating humour, and occasional dash of Zen!
