http://www.hattalks.uk/, https://hattalks.etsy.com/

Hat Talks, Huddersfield (2026)

31/01/2024

I got tired of hearing “YOU’RE TOO MUCH” as an autistic ADHDer

I changed to be someone who was never too much, who was always just enough. I felt ashamed when I was “over the top” or “too excited.”

Everything that made me, me got stamped down, squished and hidden. I became so much less of a person as a result. I miss feeling comfortable being that person.

I would say I want to be that girl again, but I know the consequences of being that way. It’s small, steady steps with safe people 🤍

30/01/2024

Dear Simon Baron Cohen,

An open letter to you about my thoughts, feelings and experiences of being autistic & unaliving. You have consent to read these words. Had you read the pages of my diary 6 years ago you would not have had my consent. No one ever will.

35% of autistic people (very likely more) have planned or attempted the end of their life. There are so many people you can gain consent from, so many people who will give you some insight.

This research is well needed for our community. But I don’t want it if it’s not ethical and is based on the possession of someone who can no longer consent. It’s shameful.

Listen, do better, be better.

28/01/2024

After my autism diagnosis I went searching for information in childhood. I took myself back to the past and my life before that diagnosis and wrote it all down.

I came across many things that made me uncomfortable. I started processing things that I didn’t want to relive about my childhood. I had to confront uncomfortable truths. I started to process things that happened to me that shouldn’t have 10 years ago. I started to see it all in a new lens.

My new perspective was: I was not the problem. And suddenly, everything that I saw changed. I saw people treating me badly. I saw things I’d suppressed for years. I saw what my mind had hidden from me. A ton of trauma.

These realisations came to me initially and I didn’t understand the emotions attached. I had to revisit them again and again until I could process the emotion attached. With alexithymia, it can take me years to understand and process my emotions.

I took so much to therapy that my therapist has been waiting for me to uncover and process. I spoke a lot of honest thoughts that I hadn’t even realised I was thinking. I had a lot of discussions with my loved ones about past experiences. I left toxic relationships behind.

I’ve worked harder than ever in the past 2 years without anyone ever seeing it. My mind has been busy processing, organising and re-assessing my memories and trauma. It’s a big battle and I’m so proud of myself for doing it and not sweeping it all under the rug, which would have been a hell of a lot easier.

The journey continues ✌🏼💕

07/01/2024

Setting new boundaries after an autism/ADHD diagnosis was super hard for me, but well needed!

I learnt that I couldn’t continue to do all of the things I had done previously because it was draining too much of my energy. I needed to use my energy more effectively and that meant reducing demands.

I stopped saying “yes” to so many social commitments. I started leaving events earlier. I stopped forcing myself to speak so much. I stopped feeling guilty for not responding to messages for prolonged periods of time.

But it wasn’t easy to set boundaries with people. It wasn’t easy for other people to accept my change in productivity and taking on demands. I lost relationships as a result.

I don’t owe people the same things they expected of my prior to being identified. It’s more important that I give myself the best effort to maintain a healthy life and wellbeing…

06/01/2024

Over 2 years ago I started to suspect I was autistic. Here’s some of my early realisations… 🧠🌈

I stumbled across some notes I’d make about all the reasons I thought I might be autistic, following listening to some late-identified autistic women. Took me right back to the beginning of it all 👀

What were the first things that made you start questioning your autistic identity?

03/01/2024

Happy new year everyone ✨🎉🫶🏻

My plans for 2024 include working on these areas…
- Neuroinclusion & neuroaccessibility
- Better autism and ADHD assessments
- Neurodiversity Affirming Therapy & Practice
- Autism & ADHD acceptance
- Normalising AAC (Alternative & Augmentative Communication) use & semi-speaking
- Recognition of neurodivergent burnout

That’s much better than resolutions that my ADHD brain will never stick to 🙃✌🏼

02/01/2024

Christmas 2023 🎄✨🥰

Full of my favourite people, food and special interest presents 🦖🎁

December has been amazing… I asked my friend to be my Maid of Honour, spent time with family, made a cake like a Christmas tree, said yes to my wedding dress and went to a friend’s wedding 🥳

After 4 months of non-stop hard work I needed a break, from social media, work and advocacy. Feeling ready to hit this new year with energy and a fresh perspective.

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and New Year 🥳🫶🏻

(ps. yes, those are dinosaur pjs, a dino onesie, and a shrek bucket hat… 🙃)

22/12/2023

Sometimes ADHD is too chaotic for autism 🧠🌈

It’s busy in my head but I need it to be quiet a lot of the time.

When I meltdown I can’t escape the thing that’s overstimulating me (my own head) and end up completely dysregulated and distressed.

I can’t make sense of my thoughts or experiences and almost need to jump out of my own head and body for a while for some peace. Of course, that can’t happen.

Sometimes ADHD and autism work in tandem, other times it’s like a game of tug of war 🤦🏻‍♀️

21/12/2023

Autistic meltdowns are not shameful. And again: AUTISTIC MELTDOWNS ARE NOT SHAMEFUL 🌈🧠

Not as children.

Not as adults.

Hurting yourself during a meltdown is not shameful, though we are constantly told it is.

At this point, being overwhelmed is my middle name. Semi-meltdowns happen quite often. Big meltdowns which result in hurting myself are quite rare. They were a daily occurrence during my teen years and early twenties.

I got better at managing life by understanding my brain, which resulted in less meltdowns.

BUT meltdowns still occur because I’m disabled and life is hard. And because the world is so often inaccessible to me. That’s not my sh*t to deal with, that’s not a reflection on me. My meltdowns happen because they’re a natural response to the overwhelm my environment and experience causes.

___________________________________

Welcome to Hat Talks ✌🏼. A page dedicated to sharing lived experience as an autistic ADHDer and AuDHD Speech & Language Therapist 🌈🧠. Navigating the world as a disabled human can be hard and impact our mental health. My work includes AuDHD advocacy, public speaking, autism assessments and pre/post-diagnostic support for individuals and their families 💕. Join along to learn more!
Note: I do not speak for the autistic community, only my personal and professional experiences as a white, middle-class, cis woman with masking privileges.

17/12/2023

I’m an AuDHDer and I’m fed up of trying to be still! 🌈🧠

Having ADHD means I’m not a static person, I have to CONSTANTLY be moving. It’s hard work, it’s exhausting and it’s also really frustrating.

Sometimes I just want to sit and watch TV, but I can’t.

Sometimes I really want to sit and have drinks with my partner but I can’t.

Sometimes I want to go sit down with a friend and catch up, but I can’t.

Of course I CAN but the energy, effort and aggravation it causes isn’t worth it. I get restless and snappy and in search of dopamine. I honestly cannot be still without being dysregulated.

I want to be able to do these things and get up and move around and stim but society expects you to stay seated. I want to meet my own needs, not everyone else’s!

_______________________________________

Welcome to Hat Talks ✌🏼. A page dedicated to sharing lived experience as an autistic ADHDer and AuDHD Speech & Language Therapist 🌈🧠. Navigating the world as a disabled human can be hard and impact our mental health. My work includes AuDHD advocacy, public speaking, autism assessments and pre/post-diagnostic support for individuals and their families 💕. Join along to learn more!
Note: I do not speak for the autistic community, only my personal and professional experiences as a white, middle-class, cis woman with masking privileges.

16/12/2023

As an autistic ADHDer, I don’t want to feel like a broken neurotypical anymore 🌈🧠

My neurodivergent community make me feel at home. I’ve found friends who accept me for the more unmasked version of myself. I feel safer to be who I am and take off the mask in these spaces.

I don’t think twice about sending 15 minute voice notes to my ADHD pals. I don’t feel like I’m being “too much” when I’m excited and stimming. I feel confident speaking about my passions and interests at length.

And then I re-enter neurotypical spaces and people I don’t know very well and BOOM, reality hits.

It becomes quickly apparent that it’s not safe to unmask. I can’t stim openly, I have to suppress my interests. I need to do small talk and ask questions not just talk about my own experiences to relate.

And worst of all it’s so clear to see that other people don’t feel too comfortable around me. They don’t know how to keep the conversation going with me because I communicate differently. They’re apprehensive and try to avoid being sat next to me. And it really hurts no matter how much I remind myself I’m not the problem, our brains are just different.

Some days being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world is crushing…

15/12/2023

Yesterday I did a presentation about my experiences of being semi-speaking for 🥰🌈🧠

Talking all things AAC, privilege, Speech & Language Therapy and periods of mutism. Thank you so much to all of my lovely followers who answered my polls and shared their experiences of AAC use so I could share more than just my own experience!

What a way to end my working year! This one’s been full of new adventures, stepping into self-employment and writing ✍️

Thanks to for being my frontal lobe for the day, getting us there early, organising my chaotic brain and just being the best cheerleader. Lucky to have a friend like you 🫶🏻 (also got the very best of the day’s facial expressions here 😂)

Looking forward to more exciting work projects in 2024 ☺️🌈🧠🤍

Hat Talks

31/01/2024

30/01/2024

28/01/2024

07/01/2024

06/01/2024

03/01/2024

02/01/2024

22/12/2023

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17/12/2023

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15/12/2023

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