01/04/2026
🚨 BIG ANNOUNCEMENT 🚨
After years of research, we’re proud to introduce our newest service at Functional Sports Therapy…
✨ REMOTE HANDS-ON TREATMENT ✨
That’s right, no need to come into the clinic anymore.
We’ll simply guide your injury to heal itself via strong eye contact over Zoom and positive affirmations.
Packages include:
• “Just walk it off” premium consultation
• Advanced crystal-assisted soft tissue release
• Elite-level foam rolling (we tell you to do it, you ignore it)
• Emergency WhatsApp message: “Have you tried stretching?”
Results guaranteed within 24 hours*
(*Results not guaranteed)
Spots are limited — mainly because this makes absolutely no sense.
Happy April Fools 😅
Back to actually fixing you properly tomorrow. 💪