Not So Typical Counselling

05/03/2026

The Autistic “Why” Isn’t Resistance, It’s Sense-Making

If I understand why something needs to be done a certain way, I can get on board with it. If I don’t understand, my brain keeps trying to fill in the gaps.

Research shows many autistic people experience higher intolerance of uncertainty, meaning unclear instructions can increase anxiety and reduce focus. Asking questions isn’t about being awkward. It’s often a regulation strategy.

There’s also a sequencing issue: one piece needs to make sense before the next can settle. If you interrupt that process, it can feel genuinely destabilising.

And when “why?” gets misread as confrontation, that’s often a double empathy issue, a mismatch in interpretation, not intention.

it may be useful to say: “It helps me to understand the reasoning so I can implement it properly.”

For managers / family, lead with the reason. You’ll probably get fewer questions overall.

Curiosity is engagement.

Where does the “why” show up for you?

25/02/2026

I wanted to share my husband's challenge to raise money for the Royal Marines Charity. He's trying to raise a pound for every day he served in the Royal Marines Band Service and the Royal Navy.
You can also follow his progress, and all the crazy challenges he's set himself and if you're able donate to the cause by the link he's put in the comments.
The RMC have been amazing and quick at putting in support for us all.
PTSD is something that sneaks into your life when you aren't looking. The effects of trauma colour everything in the whole family's life.
I'm so proud of him for not only getting the support, but also raising money and awareness of PTSD. The more people who speak about their experience, the more it becomes OK to say "I'm not OK".

A Royal Navy veteran has set himself a mammoth challenge to raise funds for the Royal Marines Charity.

25/02/2026

I watched the latest episode of The Great Pottery Throw Down last night and I was really moved by Bill's work. His self sculpture was of him as 13 year old autistic child who didn't fit in and use to wrtie "I can't do it".
It really resonated with me, not only from my own experience, but that of my daughter and many other neurodivergent children and adults I have got to know. Here's the link to Bill describing his work.
https://www.facebook.com/share/r/14WnzfdonTr/

24/02/2026

I haven't had chance to read everything about the new SEND paper. What I have seen is that the local authority will grant EHCP's to only the most complex of cases, and that schools will be responsible for everything else and it won't be a legally binding document like the EHCP.
That concerns me that the schools will effectively be marking their own homework, who will they be accountable to when parents or the child says the school aren't meeting their needs?
If there's no accountability, my concern is that even more children will not be able to cope with this rigid system and more parents will have to advocate hard, or quit their job to home educate.

No one is connecting the dots on SEND. More and more children need extra support with school - but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with our children. The problem is a school system that lacks flexibility, and which can’t accommodate the many different ways in which children learn and develop. The problem is a system which sees 'behaviour' as something to be punished, rather than feedback on a situation that isn't working.

We have a school system that prioritises test results over developmental needs, that favours control over autonomy and in which there is little time and space for meaningful relationships between adults and children. It turns too many children into failures, measuring them against a narrow academic benchmark. It punishes them for minor misdemeanours and teaches them that learning is mostly about doing what you’re told. It prioritises attendance over meaningful engagement.

Then when children show us that this doesn’t work, we say there’s something wrong with them. We say they need to attend more, try harder, put more effort in. And when that doesn’t work, then the system says they must have SEND, because why else would they need something different?

Of course SEND costs are rising, because the school system isn’t fit for the children it serves. We need an education system that start the goal of with providing what children need to thrive, not with ‘driving up standards’ or ‘100% attendance’.

More play for the younger ones. More autonomy for the older ones. More diversity of opportunity. More focus on relationships. And an emphasis on interest-led learning and finding purpose, rather than on tests and exams. It's not rocket science.

For the more you put the pressure on to get those standards up, the more of our children are squashed in the process.

24/02/2026

I see this with many of my midlife female clients. They don't fit the traditional view of what ADHD is "supposed" to look like. They're often misdiagnosed, or even worse, not believed as they are considered to be high achieving.
This is an area which need much more research and attention! I hope the GP's attending will listen and put it into their practice.

20/02/2026

Spotted the blossoms beginning to come into flower today. A reminder that the seasons are always changing and we're moving towards sunnier times. 🌸

14/02/2026

This post hits so hard as the parent of a neurodivergent child. The lack of information and support was what led me to doing my MSc.
So, that not only would I have information to help me that wasn't the same rehashed articles, but I could also use that knowledge to support others.

14/02/2026

If you have an interest in SEND law and can get to Paignton on Thursday night, this looks worth going to.
https://www.facebook.com/share/1biFcrQ3qu/

10/02/2026

This is worth a watch, it's so important that people are able to be open about getting a diagnosis.
https://www.facebook.com/share/v/1HJJDgjcM6/

06/02/2026

Something that most of us have known for a while, but it's good to see it backed up by a large study.

Females may be just as likely to be autistic as males but boys are up to four times more likely to be diagnosed in childhood, according to research

01/02/2026

I love this, there is also the irony that I'm supposed to be starting an essay which is due next week, but I'm doom scrolling instead! 🤣🤦🏻‍♀️
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1C8dhysyz5/

They said, Just get a planner.
And Professor Barkley bless him is somewhere sighing deeply because that is not how executive functioning works…

ADHD is not a vibes problem, It is not motivation problem.
It is not a “try harder” situation.

It is a brain that can’t consistently start, stop, organise, prioritise, remember, or regulate time
and somehow I’m meant to fix that
with a notebook from WHSmith.

I have listened to Russell Barkley.
I have receipts…
This is an executive functioning disorder.

Which means I know what to do.
I just can’t bloody do it on demand.

I don’t lack information.
I lack a reliable “go” button.

They say, “Write a list.”
Great.
Now I have a list of things I am still not doing…

They say, “Set a routine.”
I had one. It was beautiful.
It lasted until something happened,
Which things tend to do.

They say, “If it mattered, you’d remember.”
It matters so much I think about it at 3am
while my brain replays every mistake I’ve ever made like a greatest hits album.

If Barkley were here, he wouldn’t tell me to buy a planner.
He’d say…

Externalise the brain…
Because mine cannot be trusted to hold time, tasks, or reality.

Make consequences immediate.
Because “future me” is a stranger I do not know or respect.

Stop moralising neurological failure.
Because I am not lazy I am neurologically delayed in self-regulation.

Which is academic speak for
my brain ghosts me when I need it most…

ADHD is knowing the deadline.
Caring about the deadline,
Panicking about the deadline,
Still not starting the thing until the adrenaline hits like a bus.

ADHD is being told your whole life that you’re wasted potential,
when actually you’re running life on hard mode
with no instructions and everyone’s yelling,
“Why can’t you just be normal?”

So no.
I do not need a planner…

•I need
•understanding
•external scaffolding
•less shame
•systems that don’t rely on memory and willpower and maybe Professor Barkley popping round to slap the word “motivation” out of people’s mouths.

Anyway.
I forgot what I was doing…
But I remembered this poem.
Which, frankly, is very ADHD of me.

Michaela 😂🩷
Thanks for all your brilliant work Dr Russell Barkley!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼