10/12/2025
For many people with a PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) profile, Christmas isn’t just a holiday, it’s a month-long avalanche of expectations, social rules, and unspoken demands. What looks joyful on the surface can feel overwhelming, intrusive, and impossible to navigate underneath.
🎁 PDA & Presents: Why ‘Happy Surprises’ Can Trigger Panic
We often picture gift-giving as magical, but for someone with PDA it can land very differently.
Opening presents can feel like:
A demand to react the “right” way
A loss of control over what’s inside
A moment where everyone is watching and waiting
A situation loaded with social expectations
This pressure, even when wrapped and with a bow on top, can be too much. Some may avoid the moment entirely; others may tear through everything quickly just to reduce the build-up. Both responses are forms of self-protection. Sometimes letting them open the presents on their own or buying the present when you are both out shopping, or get them to send you links to presents they want, can reduce the demand as they know what is beneath the wrapping paper.
📅 Advent Calendars: A Demand Disguised as a Treat
Advent calendars seem simple: Open one door each day. But for a PDA mind, that instruction is a daily micro-demand, a rule imposed from the outside.
Which is why many PDAers:
Eat all the chocolates in one go
Open every door at once
Or avoid the calendar entirely
It’s not impulsivity or naughtiness. It’s a way of removing 24 tiny demands in one decisive action.
🍽️ Christmas Dinner: A Perfect Storm of Social Rules
The Christmas table can be one of the most challenging parts of the day. It often involves:
Sitting still for a long time
Eating foods with unfamiliar textures
Navigating small talk
Managing noise, smells, and social expectations
Feeling pressure to join in, stay cheerful, or mask distress
For someone with a PDA profile, each of these elements is a demand on autonomy. Together, they can become overwhelming. Offering flexibility, eating earlier or later, choosing different foods, eating in a different room or dipping in and out as needed, can make the day far more accessible.
🌟 A Kinder Christmas
Supporting PDA individuals during the festive season means removing unnecessary pressure, offering genuine choice, and remembering that overwhelm often comes from demands we don’t even notice.
And as we rethink what truly matters during the holidays, it helps to remember:
“Tradition is just peer pressure from dead people.”
Sometimes the most meaningful celebration is the one that lets everyone breathe.
